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I think this is mean and wrong. Does anyone sense the voice of a man behind this? For me it totally felt like an annoying guy wrote that, or a really bitter lady trying to have every young woman do what she wants.
I know there's a lot of "feminist" who think this is not the 'ideal' situation, but we're among girls and this is a community to share your ideas, concerns, experiences and look for support. It's not like the waiting ladies are crying everyday over a ring or are depressed, it's just a way to relate to other woman going through the same. Ugh, I think I got mad reading that.. but you girls know what I mean right?
It didn't offend me, and there is some truth in the article. But then again, I was never in the waiting boat. More or less, the article seems pointless, even if it does kind of hit the nail on the head in some cases.
Every situation is different. Can't generalize those who are waiting. i think waiting is different when you are younger, more acceptable of course. but when you are like, 35 and have 4 kids with the same guy and have been with him 6 years, i get kinda sketched out.
@Enchanted1: Like you, I very much enjoy having a waiting forum. And I love the writing "prompt"!
The only thing "depressing" about this article is how poorly it is written! The introduction leads the reader to believe that this article describes how depressing it is to be "waiting for a ring", yet it lacks further development of the theme. The author does, however, attempt to use humor to engage her audience. A more in-depth analysis of any of the quotes she selected could have been used to provide a more thorough explanation of how "waiting" makes women "depressed". I get that this was meant to be a mockery of women on the brides.com waiting board, and that isn't cool. But honestly, it's as offensive to me as a 2-year old saying, "You're mean!" when I say, "It's time for a nap."
Consider the source.
So I went and checked out the bride.com “waiting for ring” board, and there was this one thread, “No ring until ‘rear entry’” …. um, OMG. I think most of the posts on here are not as sad/gross as that!
I read this article and found it more stupid than offensive. For some reason or another, author Maureen O'Connor can't seem to empathize with the Waiting community. Possibly she has never found herself in this kind of situation before, either because she has been too lucky or not lucky enough with men in her life, or perhaps she is really a man pretending to be a woman, or she is a robot.
Either way, I can't find myself particularly offended by an article that really only consists of 3 or 4 sentences of the author's own original writing with paragraphs of quoted material from brides.com forums. The article was lazy, unimaginative, and the author really should be ashamed that she put such little effort into her 'stab' at the Waiting community.
It was a bunch of phrases to me. I have to say, that's depressing? She must not have been to other areas on that website...or this one.
Thanks for posting... I didn't really find it too offensive. I guess it's the fact that she only focused on ONE person waiting and quoted two other negative responses- that made it very one sided. But she was going for the "depressing" aspect of waiting. I've never checked out that board. I'm happy to be on this one.
I have never been on that board. Whoa. Well the author's plan to mock the waiting bees clearly backfired. It didn't generate enough 'haha' responses on her own site. It's a complete failure when you set out to write something but no one catches your intended meaning. That means she has failed as a writer.
I don't think the article is offensive, but sometimes I do think that there are a lot of people out there who would like those of us who are waiting to be ashamed, so to speak, of wanting our SO to propose. Clearly wanting to get married is an "archaic" custom and a throwback to feminist culture- something for which we should be shamed publically for wanting in our lives. I mean, come ON. That's ridiculous! I'm so thankful for the waiting boards here in the Hive: here at least we have a community who is open about what they REALLY want, and not what other people THINK they should want!
I'm shocked. Only because a woman writer has more common sense and creativity in the written word. Unbelievable.
I didn't have a proposal or a ring and really can't relate to a lot of the waiting posts,but at the same time, did not like the article and found a lot of the comments really superficial. I mean, I'm generally a pretty hardcore feminist, non-girly type and I spent a lot of time planning our wedding. And yes, you do need to plan a lot of this stuff beforehand. Places around here get booked over a year in advance, dresses take months to order... sure you don't need any of this stuff, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting it, and with giving your friends and family time to plan their schedule so they can make it.
Honestly, it's not really anyone else's business how you spend your money. While I personally am pretty opposed to status symbols and think they're dumb, other people may think it's important to have a ring as a financial symbol of commitment, or because they've grown to expect it. We spent a somewhat ridiculous amount of money (but an amount we could afford) on what was basically a really eclectic, tongue in cheek three day party with a lot of food and alcohol and really nice pictures. Does that make us superficial people? Does that make us attention whores? No, it just means that having a really bad ass, love-filled party to kick off our marriage was OUR priority.
And while I am pretty much the most gung ho proponent of keeping one's name around, holy crap was there some anti-woman judgment going on in there! Do not like. Women (and men!) need to stop telling women that there's only one acceptable way to live your life!
ETA: also, while "waiting to be financially sound" can often be an excuse for a guy who doesn't want to marry his girlfriend, it can also be legit. Sometimes people know they want a certain amount saved for the wedding. Yeah, sometimes it's due to fancy wedding expectations (though is saving for that really a bad thing?), but other times people have 6 siblings and 25 cousins and know they need to feed a lot of people and find a venue with a lot of bathrooms (so, yeah, the public park or backyard option does not always work). It's one thing to tell a friend or someone who asks for honest advice that you think their guy is beating around the bush, it's another to run around judging people you don't know.
@MsMamaBear: I couldn't agree with you more! All the author did was copy and paste posts, adding in a few fillers that were really only "fluff". It clearly lacks any development and doesn't even begin to prove her point, really.
It sounds like either a guy who will never have a girlfried wrote it or a very bitter woman who is married but has nothing else in her life but to think she is more wonderful than everyone else because she is married.I thought the article was harsh...I remember when I was waiting, these boards served a lot of purpose in supporting me. And I was able to talk to girls about it, instead of crying in front of FI all the time.
I think the article is poorly written and boring. That being said, I kind of (and I know I'm probably in the minority) agree that the waiting boards are depressing/frustrating to read. I feel like a jerk saying this, but I rarely read a thread if it's in the "waiting" category unless the title makes me think it's something particularly interesting. I really really hope no one is hurt by this, but I feel like I keep reading the same story over and over again in the waiting boards. And yeah, it's depressing :( I chalk this up to my situation being different, as I've never been in the "waiting" boat. I think other "waiting" bees are better qualified to give advice on it than I am, as I have a hard time empathizing.
@ swanks4tw "... I kind of agree that the waiting boards are depressing/frustrating to read."
No, I understand where you're coming from, they can be. I can't lurk on the waiting boards for too long. In fact when I did it made me focus on the fact that I didn't have my ring yet & that can be sad. I had to take a break from it. However, I love the fact that it's here when I need it (the waiting boards) for those blah waiting moments us waiting bees may have. You were never a waiting bee, good for you (I mean that nicely, my text sometimes sounds sarcastic & I'm sincerly trying to avoid that). I never thought I'd be a waiting bee, I can't explain the waiting process entiirely, it's happy and frustrating at the same time (at least for me).
______________________________________________________________________________-
Anyway:
I'm not complaining that I'm waiting. I told SO NOT to propose until I had finished my degree and when he could afford to do it. I just really like to come here to vent, and give advice if I can. I do feel that the waiting boards are a good place for us inbetween ladies to vent. I just found this article with ignorant comments following it and kind of offended me. I just really wanted to vent and hear your opinions on it. Thanks for all your comments bees. I loved reading what you bees had to say. LOL I especially liked ChicChick's comment, "The only thing "depressing" about this article is how poorly it is written!".
I couldn't agree more.
:)
@ DaisyCakes "I've never checked out that board. I'm happy to be on this one."
Me too :)
@MissTM "Clearly wanting to get married is an "archaic" custom and a throwback to feminist culture- something for which we should be shamed publically for wanting in our lives. I mean, come ON. That's ridiculous! I'm so thankful for the waiting boards here in the Hive: here at least we have a community who is open about what they REALLY want, and not what other people THINK they should want!"
Yes yes yes! It's good to be honest. :)
@ MisfitPrincess I agree :)
I wish I could respond to all of your comments because they're interesting, and duh it's fun :P, but I need to get back to work. I hope you all have a great day!
Not only is it terribly written, the actual "article" is only several paragraphs long! I should think the poster they [over] quoted should get the byline, as she wrote the majority of the article!
It can certainly become depressing hanging around the waiting boards for too long, but that hardly seems like a reason to mock them. People's feelings are their feelings, and it's a little obnoxious to get your (a general you, no one in particular) kicks from mocking another person.
Aw, I just love Gawker. Maureen is hilarious. Granted, if I wrote an article about waiting forums after JUST having discovered them, it would probably have read a lot like that. I think that after having hung out around the exotic wilds of Weddingbee for a year, like some plucky feminist anthropologist, I could write a better article than that, but I wouldn't necessarily come to vastly different conclusions.
I wasn't that offended by the article. Obviously she has picked the most extreme of the posts on that board.
I like these waiting boards because we all have bad days where we need to vent. But on the whole I dont find the majority of us are sitting here talking about the ultimatums we gave our boyfriends, or obsessing about ring size. We are all just here for support on the bad days and to share the progress we are making.
@CupcakeLove: We are all just here for support on the bad days and to share the progress we are making.<--Absolutely!
@Beluga: Um yes to everything you said.
Is it disrespectful to people who legit like to discuss 'waiting' to say that the comments quoted in that article are ridiculous on about fourteen thousand different levels? I don't think so.
That said, I don't really participate in the whole waiting board thing even though I'm not engaged yet. I might feel differently if something I was emotionally invested in were being mocked by someone who's not a part of it.
But, then again, I make fun of things I'm not part of all the time, so who am I to talk?
I also don't really think it's fair to label this article as some kind of feminist attack on marriage? I think it's pretty clear what the writer is mocking, and it isn't marriage (or the desire to get married).
I think the phrase "each to their own" and all that, the author clearly does not understand what the posters are going through, so therefore why judge?
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http://gawker.com/5846608/the-depressed-women-of-bridescoms-waiting-for-the-ring-forum
To me it's a little offensive. I like having a waiting forum for those blah waiting days. Other than that I don't see myself as some depressed, desperate waiting person...
Tell me what you think.