(Closed) Gay Uncle's Marriage

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@allieluvs21:  Maybe this is extreme, but I don’t think he should say anything or speak to them at all unless they apologize. They’re the ones who decided to prioritize their outdated beliefs over his happiness, now they should have to deal with losing him as a consequence.

Post # 4
Member
1964 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Regina Phalange:  +1 If I were him I wouldn’t want to give them the time of day until they can support me! Saying I love you but I don’t think you should get equal rights isn’t love!

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I really don’t think he should confront anyone. People will believe what they want to believe confronting them I don’t think is going to help. That said, he should surround himself with only those who want to support him. Aknowledge that its going to be a smaller crowd but bask in the support of those instead of trying to persuade the unwilling to support him and his partner.

As for you OP, be around support and well wish the happy couple. That’s all you can do!

Post # 7
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

That’s an awful position to be in.  You’re supposed to love your family, but if they can’t suck it up and support your marriage, then what do you do?  It would be nice to just say @*!# them and surround yourself with people who aren’t haters, but unfortunately, it’s hard to divorce yourself from your family.

Maybe you could reach out to them yourself and try to reason with them?  I think if it were me, I might look for a LGBT advocacy group or internet forum and ask for tips on reasoning with bigoted people. And I’d definitely go over there personally, and just really try to listen to their precise reason for being so hateful.  Even if that’s hard!  If you could just change one mind, that would be the start of something really great.  Also, ask if you can invite some friends along, and just really try to dig up any distant people who might be willing to come and support him.  I think it would be fun for him to just have some people there to smile and dance with him, even if they aren’t the very closest people in the world.  The vast majority of people were absolutely in tears when gay marriage was legalized in NY, and are overjoyed that couples can finally get married.  He needs to realize that most people really do support him, and the world is changing!

Post # 8
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

This makes me so sad.

I don’t think confronting them will do any good.  Painful as it may be, your uncle will serve himself best by rising above and focusing on the wonderful things that are happening instead. 

Maybe with time and patience the rest of the family will come to their senses. 

 

Post # 9
Member
4153 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sad to hear that he didn’t have as much support as he wanted for his marriage, but he is SO SO lucky to have you, your sister and his parents there!!  Personally, I wouldn’t speak to the people who didn’t support me.  It’s unfortunate that their minds are more than likely made up, and I’m not sure confronting them will make anything better.
I hope he can put the negetivity behind him and be happy with his partner for the rest of their lives!  And tell him a big congratulations!!!

Post # 10
Member
5227 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree that confronting will do nothing but hurt feelings more and spur on the cycle of hurt. Just be there to comfort and support your uncle and his marriage. 

Post # 11
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That is absolutely horrible-I would have been devastated.

I do have to agree with PP though-if people are bigoted and homophobic, I don’t think that confronting them will change anything. In fact, if anything I think it might only hurt him more to actually hear them say what they think, as it’s obviously not at all supportive. They know what they did, and I can’t imagine they will be surprised when they don’t hear from him.

He is so lucky to have you and your grandparents 🙂 As hard as it is, I think he should try to focus on spending his time and energy on the family that does support him, and enjoying his new husband!

Post # 12
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

Wow, I am so sorry for your Uncle. How heartbreaking. Love is love and to not support your family member on one of the most important days in their life, to me, is just wrong. I hope that your Uncle can see how much you and those who attended his wedding are there to support him!!

As far as to confront the family or not, I would say that your uncle should evaluate whether or not it would make a difference. Would they be open to hearing his feelings or would they turn a deaf ear because of the topic? If it were my Uncle I would encourage him to go to his siblings and explain how hurt he is that they will not show up to support him as their sibling. Politics aside it is about supporting the sibling you love and showing them that you wish them the best, even if you dont agree. Perhaps trying to tackle the issue from the emotional perspective rather than the political/religious perspective may allow them to hear how their absence will effect their brother.

I hope for your Uncle that they are able to put their beliefs aside and show up for him. Please pass along congratualtions to your uncle and his husband!! May they enjoy many years of love!! And how wonderful if many years from now they are able to look back and celebrate that they made it through all this adversity! 

Post # 13
Member
3699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

#1 – congratulations to your uncle and his husband!

#2 – wow, what jerks.  But, he isn’t going to change them in one conversation and is just going to put an even darker cloud over their wedding.  They need to surround themselves with people who love and support them.  Go and have a blast (I can’t imagine a better party than a gay wedding!) and be sure to let everyone know what a good time you had!

In the future he can bring up how hurt he was, but the best thing to do is just live and be happy.  Some people will eventually accept them as a ‘real’ couple and some won’t. 

Post # 16
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Regina Phalange:  I agree with this.  I think OP’s uncle should give them the axe.  In fact, I would probably cut them out of my own life as well.  I don’t associate with bigots…even the ones I’m blood related to.

For the record, they don’t love him.  When you actually love someone, you support them despite their differences.  I’m sorry that you have people like this in your family.

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