Post # 1
I got into a conversation at work regarding who does the dishes, grocery shopping ect. When a co-worker responded with see I’m glad I’m not in a relationship like that…her response kinda bothered me. Yes, in general I do all the dishes, and 90% of the grocery shopping as of lately, and most of the general cleaning of our apt. But I feel that is only fair considering he pays most of the bills.
Plus when I see a mess and it bothers me…I just have to do something about it and clean it up. We both do our own laundry and keep our laundry separate from each others.
We also share the cooking responsibilities, Most of the time he cooks, I tend to cook more of the easier items (I’m still learning).
And honestly I don’t mind the cleaning and doing dishes, It makes me feel like I contribute to the household at least a little bit.
He knows that I would contribute more finically if I could, and has told me not to worry about it.
Not sure why but her comment really bothered me…would that comment have offended you?
Post # 3
Who cares… I mean really, no two relationships are the same.
She is judging yours based on what she does in hers… it probably isn’t your cup of tea either.
There are no hard and fast rules any more about the division of labour in a marriage any longer. Couples work it out as they see fit.
Post # 4
It doesn’t bother me when someone prefers to do different things than me, so no, her a comment like that wouldn’t bother me.
Someone has to make money/take out the garbage/cook/clean/take care of any children/pay bills/grocery shop/maintain certain things etc etc etc. How a couple works it out doesn’t bother me.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
It possibly would’ve offended me. I mean, it’s hard to say since I can’t hear the tone of how she said it but it possibly sounds a little bit judgy. I wouldn’t let it worry you too much, though. You know that the balance of your relationship works for you, so that’s really all that matters.
Post # 6
okay to clarify the comment didnt really like upset me…I guess it more or less surprised me that someone else would view my relationship as being gender sterotypical…I feel like we share most responsiblies…
Post # 7
If you are happy with the situation, don’t worry about what anyone else has to say. However I find it to be true most relationships fall into streotypical gender norms and roles despite the fact that both parties are working. It is something I don’t plan on reverting to in my marraige.
However I would never say to my friends oh your relationship is wrong or you should get your husband to xyz simply because it is none of my business.
Post # 8
I would say, on paper- we are pretty gender stereotypical. I sent DH to Kroger to get me chicken breast and he had to call me and ask me where in the store they were because he was lost.
It wouldn’t have bothered me, though , if a coworker said something- even if it was judgey. Every relationship is different and unique how the two people work those things out. As long as those two people are on the same page and no one is building resentment, I have no issue with it!
Post # 9
I’ll attempt to clarify as someone who might half relate to her:
I’m terrible at cleaning, ok at cooking, and would hate to go grocery shopping alone. I’ve come to terms with those shortcomings because my FI does actually like to clean, and the other two things are not issues for us, we like to shop and cook occasionally together. If this woman is the same way I am, but is or was in a relationship with someone who expected her to be more “traditional”, she might have negative feelings about that incompatibility or expectation and that’s how she expressed them. As someone who doesn’t do the majority of the cleaning or errands, but is happy in the situation, I take no issues with the opposite as long as the woman is happy. In fact, I find it impressive. Cooking and cleaning can be hard, especially after a long day. But if I wasn’t happy in my arrangement, I might try to defend my tendencies anyway by taking someone else down a peg. You know, if I was a defensive shrew….
Post # 10
@Taeyers: Yeah we attmept to cook together to, but our kitchen is way too small and there is no counter room as it is, so we often tend to just get into each others way…not that we mind being close or anything lol ..it just sorta makes it more difficult but we would if we could.
Post # 11
@MissParrot: Yeah I’ve been there. Tiny kitchens are the #1 thing I hated about all my apartments. But regardless of how you do things or why, you shouldn’t feel judged as long as you’re happy and it works for you guys. I suspect she said something because your description somehow made her feel defensive.