(Closed) Get Down On Your Knee, Or Else!

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would/Did You Demand A Proposal?
    Yes. : (25 votes)
    9 %
    Yes, but without a deadline. : (18 votes)
    7 %
    No. : (67 votes)
    25 %
    No, but I wouldn't wait "forever". : (155 votes)
    58 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

    Mmm it’s tough because it’s such a sucky situation to be in but ultimations are generally viewed as a bad thing.

     

    I just moved into BF’s family home, and he knows I’m uncomfortable living together (at least for too long) without being engaged. I guess if it got to the point where we were able to start looking at houses but not engaged I’d have to put my foot down and say no house hunting together until I know you are willing to make that commitment to me, at least in my current situation I have no money tied up with him.

    Man, I hope it never comes to that. I do think that at some point a girl (or possibly guy) needs to start looking out for herself.

     

    Best of luck to you x

    Post # 4
    Member
    2251 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    My FI and I always talked about it very openly. I have always resented the fact that the proposal, which is a huge step in a relationship, is supposed to be left entirely up to the man just because he happens to have a penis, and because tradition says so.

    We decided together when to take that next step, and I didn’t have to demand a proposal or give an ultimatum because we were on the same page. He did surprise me on the day that he chose to give me the ring, because he wanted that to be special, but the decision to get married was made together.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2251 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @sweetbutdemanding:  Haha I definitely thought about it! But that still makes it very one-sided, and that’s exactly what I don’t like about the “traditional” proposal.

    Post # 9
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We have been together for 5 and half years. I defintely told him marriage was important to me, and that I want to be young enough to enjoy my kids and grandkids. It was just a matter of waiting. Though if he never proposed, I don’t know that I’d ever leave him. He’s my rock.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2855 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @PermaStudent:  I like this. It’s very frustrating if you have to leave the entire thing up to someone else. SO and I are on the same page that we will get married, picked a date, will pick out the ring together…it will just be made “official” when he presents the ring. He’s of the opinion that we’re basically engaged anyway so “why does there need to be a question?” but as long as we both have a say in the plans, I do want some sort of proposal. And then I will propose right back with his mangagement ring!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1450 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If he can’t communicate why he reasonably can’t propose before the lease is up, then I think he is stalling. It’s one thing to say, hey, I need to save for X more months before I can buy the ring I want to give you, or hey, I’d really hope you could wait until Y date because of something I have planned, but it’s entirely another to sulk and complain that you gave him an ultimatum when all you wanted to communicate is that you wouldn’t wait forever for him.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2855 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @sweetbutdemanding:  as for ultimatums, I don’t really like the idea. If I gave an ultimatum I would always be worried that maybe he proposed just because he was forced to. I went the other route of discussing a reasonable timeline with SO. We’re both happy with our future wedding date and now we’re working on picking out the ring.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1926 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m not demanding a proposal, but I did request that we would get engaged before the end of 2014, which I think is reasonable. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I don’t see that as an ultimatum or demanding a proposal. If he gets to decide when/whether to propose, then why shouldn’t you also get to decide your own role in the relationship?

    Post # 15
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @PermaStudent:  +1

    I don’t understand why it is pressure if we talk about it! It is a hugely important decision that concerns BOTH of us! Talking about it and looking for ourselves show our intelligence and independence, more than it shows neediness and pressure!

    Post # 16
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @msfahrenheit:  Exactly!!!! I’m so happy to see some comments in that direction, instead of the usual “shut up and wait”. 😉

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