Get married now, have a wedding in a year?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

saxxon88:  A lot of people on here have issues with doing this, but I think you should do whatever makes you and your fiance happy.  It’s really no one else’s business.  

Post # 3
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I have no advice for your situation. But I have serious issues with an organisation that will not pay an unwed mother, but is more than happy to have her work for free. Are there other pre schools in the area you can look at applying to? 

Post # 4
Member
11001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Catcat1:  I’m sure the powers that be at this organization would not object in any way to hiring and paying an unwed mother. It is not the fact that the OP has children out of wedlock that is preventing her from working there. It’s the fact that she currently is cohabitating on a romantic level with someone without being married.

saxxon88:  I think you must decide what is most important to you, and then you will need to commit to that course of action. If you truly want this job at this time, you will need to be married to do that, and, as you noted, some of your family and friends will know that you are married.  There is nothing to prevent you and your then-husband from hosting an elaborate vow-renewal ceremony with all the trimmings in another year, however.

Post # 5
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Brielle:  that’s not my issue at all. My issue is they are willing to accept unpaid work from her, but not paid. 

Post # 8
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Backyard

saxxon88:  I actually am in a somewhat similar situation. My FI is on state health insurance and moving out-of-state soon.

Logically, we think getting married now is the smarter idea. I can put him on my health and other benefits, plus we can have the intimate (read: immediate family only) ceremony he wanted.

Then, in May, we can have the big, glorious wedding I want on our anniversary. An additional plus to this is we can have a non-ordained officiant for the May wedding since we will already be legally married.

Post # 9
Member
11001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Catcat1:  Oh, I see. I’m sorry if I misunderstood what you were saying. I guess that the difference is that, as a parent who volunteers at the school her children attend, she would not be considered to be a representative of the school or viewed by other parents (and others) as someone who is officially acting on behalf of the school. She would be viewed as a parent who wanted to donate time to helping her children’s school.

Generally, Christian schools require every employee to sign a written statement of faith as well as an agreement to uphold a specific code of conduct that is consistent with Biblical standards. This likely is not a requirement for parents who volunteer at the school.

Post # 10
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Brielle:  but she would be doing work for the school, as a volunteer, right? i just think it’s hypocritical for them to accept that but not even allow her to apply for paid work. 

i live in a country where this just wouldn’t happen, and I think might actually be illegal, so it’s probably just a difference of perspective that has me so bewildered by this. 

Post # 12
Member
11001 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Well, in my view, as long as you are not attempting to deceive any of your guests regarding your marital status, and as long as you are very clear in your invitations that the second event (the big ceremony next year) is a vow renewal that is being held in celebration of your marriage, I think you will be fine.

The intimate group of immediate family that you plan to invite to your wedding this week likely would still want to celebrate your marriage in a more festive manner next year, and anyone who was not present at the ceremony this week likely will be happy to celebrate your marriage with you next year.

Post # 14
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

saxxon88:  Do what you think is the right thing to do. I wouldn’t keep it a secret though and would be upfront with people.

Post # 15
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Backyard

saxxon88:  It doesn’t bother me that he and I will be married legally, because I look at it as just that: legal paperwork. To me, the grand ceremony will be so much more “real” than the civil ceremony. For one thing, we’re going with standard vows for the civil ceremony. We are also not exchanging rings. Personalized vows, rings, the honeymoon, are all things that will go with our wedding in May. That makes it okay for me.

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