Post # 1
Lately I’ve been wondering if we should bother getting married at all and just use all of our savings for kick ass holidays, home improvements and a cushion for our lives? I mean we have enough to get married the way we want now but with my college and work we dont have any time. We were thinking about a very,very small destination wedding and party when we got back. There is no financial advantage for us to get married and part of me wouldn’t mind staying engaged long term. The other part of me wants my small day though!
My life plan is to not have kids but to travel and see as many places as I can.
We are both atheists and sometimes part of me wonders if it is worth it to shell out money just to be legal now when we could do it in 5-10 years anyway. The only thing holding me back is I’d obviously be older and probably be less pretty for pictures. Also my parents aren’t that young and i worry that they wont be there if/when we get married
Have any other bees felt like this?
Post # 3
I’d have a cheaper wedding now, while you’re still pretty and your parents are still around, and save as much of the money as possible to use for other things. I wouldn’t blow the whole lot on a wedding if there were other things I wanted/needed.
Post # 4
If you’re both happy not having a wedding (gee I wish my fiance didn’t want one!), then I think just a small courthouse thing for legal purposes would be your best bet. Then you would be free to spend whatever money you have left properly, rather than wasting it on one day!
I still think marriage is important just incase there are differences in your rights and so on in a de facto relationship, but that can be done cheaply just by signing a piece of paper in front of a magistrate instead of $20,000 to feed a bunch of people you barely know and a dress you’ll never wear again!
Post # 5
I opted for get married. I also want to ask what age you are now and this is because you seem young, not that that is a problem it’s just that your ideas on life may change in the years to come. I never wanted children and here I am pregnant at 34 years old and loving it. I also never wanted a big wedding and wanted to elope but now I’m planning to celebrate my wedding with 100 family and friends and couldn’t be happier. Sometimes when you are young your life plans don’t remain the same after a few years that’s all I’m saying.
By the way it’s not just young women who can look good on their wedding day 🙂
Post # 6
sounds like your heart is not on a wedding
Post # 7
Get married at the court house. Do the big shindig party later.
When we talked about getting engaged, the conversation went down like this “if we do it now or in 10 years, we will get married. But I want to start my life with you now” do what you both want. You can still have a cheap wedding and go on holidays, buy a house. That’s what we are doing.
Post # 8
Thanks for the replys bees!
@Irish-bride: i totally agree with the older women looking great on their wedding day, I just hope I’m one of them if I choose to wait!
I’m almost 30 and I definitely know what I want from my life and that is travelling and no kids. Never had any interest, no interest in nieces/nephews and it’s something that I personally don’t ever want for myself.
@nikstar: Some days it is and some days it isnt, I just find my feelings conflicted, especially when looking at a wad of cash and knowing it could be spent elsewhere!!
Post # 9
Best of both worlds, havea small legal ceremony now, invite a few people or just your paretns (it seems it is important to you that they are there) and then go on a kick ass exotic honeymoon. If you later decide you missed out on the larger wedding, organize a vow renewal in a few years and maybe even make it a destination. I didn’T vote because you don’t have an option for get married in a small ceremony now and that is what it sounds like you want based on your OP.
Post # 10
I think it totally depends – what are your reasons for wanting to get married?
If marriage is not important to you two, don’t do it. Enjoy your life as it is, travel, etc.
If marriage is important, I vote for having a very small ceremony with just those most important to you, and then a fancy dinner with them afterward. That won’t eat into your savings much at all.
Post # 11
I voted for the destination wedding now and a small party. then use your savings however you want. having a wedding doesnt necessarily need to be expensive – many brides have done it with less than 5k….much less.
Post # 12
i think just a really small court house ceremony and BBQ would do. Get it out of the way and start travelling!!
Post # 13
I just like polls and I can go either way on this.
My sister has lived with her SO for over 10 years and they are one of the best couples I know and have no plans to get married. They travel extensively, and in fact took their dream trip to Africa for their 10 year anniversary – I don’t think they have mised out on anything by not marrying (other than the wedding itself).
We were definitely hit with a financial penalty when we got married – our joint tax refund last year was $7k less than it would have been if we had remained single. I joke about it, but if we had had a symbolic ceremony without the legal part we would save major money in taxes over the next 25 years :).
For the record I was a 41 year old bride and I think I still looked pretty, so don’t worry too much about that 🙂
Post # 14
@reebee: That’s an interesting post, thanks!
I have added an option in the poll for small wedding.
Post # 15
@Midgely: I hope when you say “my life plan”, you actually mean “OUR life plan”. I hope you and your fiance are on the same page.
Personally I want to be married, but I don’t want to shell out a ridiculous amount of money for one day. Neither of us likes being the centre of attention, neither of us has huge families or so many close friends we’d want to invite them all to a big party, etc. AND my family these days are really anti-marriage (mom’s divorce, my little sister is in the anti-marriage phase, etc.). We’re going to elope and it’ll cost us under $1,000. Our priorities are travel, buying a vacation home, and getting me a nice engagement ring. A $25,000 wedding fits nowhere in there.
To answer your question, I think that a wedding doesn’t sit that high on your priority list, so you should go w. something small. You could elope.. or just have a small courthouse ceremony since you indicated you’d like your parents see you marry. Destination weddings are expensive. Just because everyone else seems to want a big wedding, doesn’t mean you need to do the same thing if it doesn’t make you happy. Being married isn’t about your wedding day. Not sure I like the idea of being engaged long-term.. I’d just get married if you want to be w. your guy for the rest of your days.
Post # 16
@canarydiamond: To assuage your fears and clarify:
Yes it is ‘MY’ life plan. I am my own person with my own ideas for my life. People can be ‘on the same page’ but still have differences, its all about compromise. If FI flat out said at the start of our relationship that he never wanted to see the world or if he did want kids then we would not be together now 7 years later as they are dealbreakers for me
I wanted to live abroad for a couple of years and see places, Fi did not so we compromised on seeing places in the form of holidays. So the travelling part is ‘my page’ but altered to take FI’s ‘page’ into account. This is the rational manner in which we have dealt with differences in our relationship.