Post # 1
I will try to keep this short. FIL have had a weekend planned with FI aunt, uncle and cousin for about 3 weeks for Saturday night, sleeping over, and sunday breakfast and a sporting event game on sunday. That means about 24 hours straight together. I have seen FI parents about once a week for as long as I can remember, and if theres a week off it gets doubled up usually the next week by 2 family dinners. Like this past week was FI b-day and we saw them monday and now this entire weekend is together (but his aunt and uncle will be this weekend and weren’t there monday).
My parents (both sets of parents live the same distance away) I have seen about once a month for 1 dinner. My dad’s birthday was a week ago, I took him out to lunch and spent about 45 minutes with him and thats it. I have only seen my parents in spurts of a few hours over the past 5 months and I really miss them. My parents are watching my niece this weekend and have asked me if I want to come over.
And you know what? I really really do, I miss my parents and want to see them. And if I don’t see them this weekend the next time I will see them is Xmas eve and FI’s parents will be there as well. And then Xmas dinner is with FI’s parents as my parents are going out of town.
I don’t want to be a shitty person and cancel on FI’s parents, and his aunt and uncle who we don’t see that often, but I could go to my parents saturday night and then go to the sporting event with FI’s parents and his aunt and uncle on Sunday instead of just spending my time with his family all weekend.
Should I just suck it up and go since I made a commitment or do you think its reasonable to back out of the dinner only and go to the sporting event the next day and see his whole family then?
Thank you in advance for your thought!
Post # 3
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to skip dinner and join them at the sporting event. This was FI gets to spend some alone time with his family too. It’s all about balance, and I’m sure they’ll understand that you’d like to spend some time with your own family over the holiday season too!
Post # 4
@MissNoodles: Thank You! I just know this is going to cause a fight.
Post # 5
I think that’s a good compromise!
Why will it cause a fight? You have every right to want to spend time with your family. And you aren’t ditching his – just meeting up later.
Post # 6
@GFerg: It will cause a fight because we have had these plans and he is going to say I am bailing on his family on Saturday and missing the plans we made on Saturday. He is very much about sticking with plans once they are made.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
You need to sit down with your fiance and talk about when and how much you’re going to spend time with his family and your family.
My fiance and I recently did that same thing. My mom is alone. She’s very lonely and wants to see me every time I’m in the area. We always go to my fiance’s family’s house for every holiday. We invite my mother there too. Recently, my future mother-in-law has been really annoyed that we’ve been including my mother so much. She wants to spend time with just us. We told her if she can’t share us for the entire holiday, then we’re going to have to split our time between both families. So, she’ll end up seeing us less than if she just shared. For example, shared 4 days. Or 2 days with my mom and 2 days with his parents.
You need to come to an agreement with this about your fiance. This isn’t going to be the only time that this topic comes up. You need a long-term solution, not just a solution for this one weekend.