Post # 1
So the past few months, I’ve been getting a bit frustrated with this one bridemaid of mine. I understand she is having financial issues and family problems and what not. But don’t come and talk to me and bring my happy thoughts with my wedding plannings down. I care about her problems but its just constantly saddness.
I already paying for all my bridemaids’ dresses and shoes. I am also planning to get them jewerly set as a thank you gift as well. I am just mad that she always giving me attitude and rude when I ask her a simple question. she missed out on my birthday because she has no money to come out. She always working and stuff. So I don’t get what her problem is. I am also hearing that she owes other bridesmaids money because the bday gift the got me. I am happy with that. She doesn’t have to pay for a lot of things beside the bachlorette party (my aunts are taking care of the bridal shower). I know other bride’s make their bms spend a lot of money. I am trying my best so they all don’t have too. She is the only one who is annoying the hell out of me. I don’t know what to do. I am like 5 months away from the wedding too. I feel bad if i just fire her.
ok im done venting.
Post # 3
@whitediamond: Have you offered to take her out and just chat? Or have her over to your house for a girls night?
It sounds like she’s having a really hard time financially and is probably very stressed out because of it.
Sounds like she needs support of a sincere friend right now.
Post # 4
Maybe try to talk to her and tell her that if being in your wedding is too much of a burden you would understand. It sounds like she has a lot of personal problems, and being in your wedding may just be too much of a committment for her. If that’s the case you don’t need someone as part of your day that does not want to be there. Less drama for you in the end.
Post # 5
@whitediamond: You need to cut this girl some slack. If she is having serious issues in her life that’s a little more important than your wedding day. As Kat said, she needs a friend who will listen and support her. This comment just sounds so heartless “But don’t come and talk to me and bring my happy thoughts with my wedding plannings down.”
Also.. your bridesmaids all got together and bought you a joint bday present? That seems a little strange to me. She may have been peer pressured into something she couldn’t afford. And it’s one thing if it’s a shower or a bachelorette party, but paying towards a joint bday present isn’t exactly an expected expense when you sign up to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 6
I have to agree with Moose1209 you are being a bit harsh on your bridesmaid.
Post # 7
Friendship is a two way street. Are you being her friend right now?
Yes, it’s a bit of a downer to listen to someone’s woes when you are in the blissful wedding planning stage, but maybe if you reached out to her, she would feel supported and wouldn’t feel the need to air her issues all the time.
Post # 8
I really don’t know what people are looking for when they post vents like this. Like, do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Or, is this seriously the way you feel?
Post # 9
@Moose1209: as in every thread, I really agree with Moose.
As her friend, I think you need to cut her more slack and understand how incredibly stressful her financial and personal situation must be. She should be your friend first, and your bridesmaid second, IMO.
Post # 10
@Moose1209: I also don’t really understand the “joint birthday present” with he other bridesmaids.
OP it is great that you are being so generous with your bridesmaids, but it really sounds like this girl is struggling and needs friendly support.
Post # 11
I KNOW for sure there are a lot of other pent up things that have happened with the BM besides what you listed. It sounds like you’ve reached the limit at this point with her. I think it’s really nice of you to pay for nearly their entire look for your wedding.
In being honest here, I too can relate to your feelings. I have one BM that I have unpleasant feelings for. There was *built-up* hurt from hurtful things said/done by her in the past & the hurtful things she said to me some time after I asked her to be my BM. [She said that I’m pretty much continuing to live like a “robot” by cont. w/ my career, getting married and settling down (Hello?! At some pt., I have to throw away my kid dream of being an actress & moving to Cali.) My dreams changed when I met my FI]. After hearing her explanation of WHY i was all of those things (to which she offered no advice or encouragement-i might add) and clearly seeing her heart for what it was.. I let her know that she hurt me deeply and let it be known to her that from the things she said about me, that I realized how little she REALLY knew me.
So, because of that and (so much more) I am VERY sensitive to all that she says/does to me. I know that if my wedding weren’t approaching .. I’d probably overlook her faults like I’ve always done in the past & simply accept her for the GOOD that I do see in her.
It really depends on whether or not you WANT her to remain in your life or not. If you cut her out of your bridal party.. that could end your friendship entirely.
I’ve opted to simply accept my BM’s faults, current situation & NOT retaliate her cruelty with equally harsh words, because all in all.. I care for her and truly do want to see her happy in life (maybe one day we’ll both look back and laugh about it all). I’ve just changed/adapted really my expectations for her. For now, I’ve chosen to guard my heart a bit with her and not share with her as much as I share about myself with my other BMs. Hopefully, as we both continue on with our own lives.. our friendship will blossom into something beautiful and even stronger because of what we went through and because WE NEVER LET GO OF EACH OTHER’S HAND.
…i’m nearly in tears here because it takes a lot to get to this state-of-mind. Sometimes I get weak and want to just cut her from my life, so that I can be at peace and surround myself with loving/encouraging people. I’m not a PERFECT person, so why should I expect her to be perfect all of the time? I believe people mature at different rates.
I suppose the bigger question is.. would you like for her to remain in your life?
I really hope it works out for you both. Let us know what you decided on!
Post # 12
the joint bday gift was part 1 of my bachelorette party. They choose the day of my bday to tell me the news. So its bday/bachelorette party/concert so we can all bond early.
Thanks whoever put and input in this. I ended up cutting her out of the bridal party. I did talk to her and she still insist of being my bridesmaid. Her excuse was that she was too busy helping her other friend with her wedding. I didn’t take the excuse very well so I had to let her go. I am not being rude and inconsiderate wit her when she comes to me with that type of excuse. We’re not in the talking stage right now either. She was a friend but sometimes you find out who your really true friends are. I feel like she was the one who was being rude and inconsiderate. I WAS trying to help her with whatever so she can be happy but with her it seems that wasn’t enough for her. She expect things from me too much. Its more than what a friend can do. I am not trying to be mean to her in anyways.
Her financal situation, she had job offers that she didn’t take because she not into it. So I don’t get why she even apply or interview for the job. Sometimes I just don’t get her. Especally with this economy, take whatever job you can get right now.
Even my Fiancee pointed out that she making this whole thing that is about HER and never thought about the other people that are involve with the wedding especially to me. My other BMs and family member thinks she has some jealous issue. I don’t know what it is. I try to help her and sharing things with her. I just don’t know what her deal is. I guess this was the best decision for the both of us.
that is my update. i did replace her with another friend of mine, who has been a great help to me with this whole situation. she didn’t mind i asked her the last minute. she was shocked that this happened and how the other bm acted.
Post # 13
wow, maybe there is more to this story then you are telling us. i hope so!
Post # 14
@Mrs. Meowerson: There’s a lot more things in this, that I don’t really want to get into. She is a nice person but I don’t think she make the best of friends. She was just causing more stress that we all don’t really need in our life. Even if I sound like a b*tch. I tried to be friends with her twice. We didn’t talk for a while after high school and we became friends again after knowing she went to the same concert. Now I know why we stop talking to each other after high school.
Anywho, I goess 45 days until the wedding. I am looking forward to that and whatever comes to me in the future. 🙂