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My sister ended up getting hardly anything off her registry because EVERYONE wanted to get her cute little baby clothes. While she did appreciate the gifts, she ended up with far too much 0-3 and 3-6 month clothing, and a lot of duplicates. She returned a ton and got the things she actually needed. Then she had a hard time with her thank you notes, knowing she had little choice but to exchange things!
So our shower is not for quite some time still (I am only 15 weeks) but I am wondering if there is a polite way to ask that friends and family do not buy me clothes? I really don't think there is, but I figured it was worth asking. I might have my mom casually spread the word. I don't want to sound ungrateful because I will love and appreciate anything anyone does for me. But it is awkward returning gifts that people spend time picking out especially for us.
Thanks!
I am sorry, but I don't think there is a polite way to do it. Make sure the guests know that you are registered and beyond that wait and see what you get. If you do get all clothes, do like your sister did and return some of it to get things you really need.
My cousin in law got a TONS of clothes at her baby shower as well.
I'm wondering if it has more to do with how much people want to spend and clothes are so much cheaper to get at department store sales rack, etc.I'm not sure if there is a polite way to say that? The best option to me seems like letting the shower hosts spread the word.
Maybe putting some cheap items on the registry might help combat that? Like things in the $5 range?
I never buy clothes as shower gifts for this reason!! Maybe you could put a note on the registry slip saying something like "baby has all the clothes he needs, everything else would be greatly appreciated!"
That stinks for your sister and totally understandable for you. I don't think there's a nice way to do that though. =/
I personally very very rarely buy clothing for a baby shower just for the mere fact that you don't know how big/small baby will be where they're born AND most of the time you get clothes in sizes that don't match age/season.
If your mom spreads the word though I guess that's no shame on you... and mom's have a tendency to be able to get away with things like that. lol
I've heard of women not sharing the sex of the baby until after their shower, so they can minimize the amount of clothing they receive...
What about a themed shower? For example, you could do a shower where all the guests are assinged an activity (like feeding, bathing, playing, etc...) to buy for. That might get you more practical items and fewer pieces of clothing.
Or maybe you could do a onesie decorating activity at your shower? Your mom could pass the info on to all the guests that you'll be decorating onesies during the shower, which may make fewer people bring more clothes on top of that.
@mrskesslertobe: I don't see anything wrong for a shower. Every single shower invite I have gotten has included registry info, and some have even listed specific things not to buy, or limitations and things like that. I don't think its taboo at all for a baby shower - you are supposed to bring gifts!
most of the time you get clothes in sizes that don't match age/season.
That boggles my mind why people do that!! Just do the math people! Usually I go for a big registry item then add a cute outfit in usually a 3-6 month or 6-9 month range, season appropriate with receipt.
@Mrs. Spring
I've heard of women not sharing the sex of the baby until after their shower, so they can minimize the amount of clothing they receive...
If I find out it's a girl I will seriously consider this. My cousin in law's shower was a pepto bismol explosions!!! *shudder*
If it helps at all I was told the same thing - that most people buy clothes and little off the registry. I just had my shower on Sunday and I had the opposite happen. I only got a couple of outfits and those were in the 9 month range. Other than that the majority of stuff was off our registry. Maybe you'll luck out too :)
@regberadaisy: yea... I've never understood that either. DS wasn't able to wear most of the clothes we got at his b/c of this.
@Mrs. Spring: hopefully since we're team green we won't have to worry abou the clothes issue!
I do really like the themed idea!
I didn't register for any clothing and if anyone asked what I needed my first response was - not clothes. We still got a lot of clothes but we got a lot of other stuff as well.
I told my mom to please inform anyone who wanted to buy clothes to send me to please not buy anything smaller than 6 months. I told her to tell everyone that they could pick any size between 6 months and 2T so that I would have a range of stuff instead of tons of infant clothes that will only get worn a few months.
Other than that, I don't think there is a graceful way to say "no clothes". Maybe do a registry and don't put any clothes on it and maybe people will get the hint?
This post makes me laugh b/c I was always one of those people giving clothes at baby showers. We'd usually pick something really cute from one of those boutique-y baby stores, but still. Before getting pregnant myself I never really understood what kinds of things would be most useful to new moms, except for clothes and maybe toys or books. Like others, I'm not sure that there's a polite way to ask for no clothes. Hopefully people will give gift receipts too, so you can exchange the clothes for more useful stuff.
@MrsSl82be: I said to make sure they know where OP was registered, that is not the taboo. Telling people "don't buy this", is kind of taboo regardless of the event, especially when it so easy to return things.
I really like MrsSpring's idea of a thermed shower!
No, unfortunatley I don't think there is a polite way to tell guests not to buy clothes. It is their money ultimately so they can buy whatever they want. And people like buying clothes because they are cheap, cute and fun.
This may backfire, but what I would do actually is register for some baby clothing. Because if people are looking at your registry and see that clothes were selected and already purchased (they will go first) then they MIGHT be less likely to go out and pick out additional clothing. Also, like a PP suggested register for a lot of inexpensive items.
And if you haven't shared the sex, DO NOT!! It's a lot harder to find non gender specific baby clothing.
We're team green, and this was one of the major reasons, I know that for my SIL's shower, it was all pretty and pink (which was awesome) but she did end up getting a TON of clothes and still had to buy some of the bigger ticket things herself.
I would register and just put basic clothes on there (onsies and things), and hopefully people will get the picture that you don't want a ton of clothes. I don't think there's a way to politely say no clothes. I NEVER buy clothes for a shower because there are always way more useful things to get for the expecting couple. I do buy clothes when the baby is born though!
@mrskesslertobe: I guess around my way, its perfectly acceptable to put what is needed on an invite. Like I said, I've seen it a lot.
I don't think I would want to be hugely pregnant trekking from store to store to return things, or waiting til the baby was born to do so. As a guest, I would not be offended at all if people put specifics on the invite, but I guess I'm in the minority.
Wow, I can't believe people would not buy off the registry and just get clothes. Friends of ours recently had a baby and FI and I bought them a bunch of stuff off their registry and then I bought some clothes too, for fun and also because she had none listed on the registry. I was a little worried, so I got her some 0-3mo stuff. I figured people would buy cute stuff, but my friend's not so much of a planner.
Yeah I agree with the PP that says there is not polite way to tell people not to buy clothes other than directing them to your registry. THat should give them a hint of the things you want. But at the end of the day people buy what they can afford and what they want to give. I know I am going to be bombarded with weird sizes of disposable diapers even though we plan to use cloth diapers, I'l return them if possible or regift.
@Mrs. Spring
I've heard of women not sharing the sex of the baby until after their shower, so they can minimize the amount of clothing they receive...
This would be my best suggestion too. If they don't know what you're having most of the time they won't buy clothing. I don't know if I'd register for clothes because it implies that you're hoping to get some and then people might run with it.
I love buying baby stuff for friends and clothes are irresistable but IMO they are not really what you give as a main shower gift. With close friends, if I want to get cute little baby outfits I always buy several things off registry first that would be an awesome stand alone shower gift, and then add season/location appropriate clothes in each size. This way she gets the stuff off her registry that she needs, I satisfy the cute clothes itch, and she gets multiple clothes in each size just in case no one buys her clothing.
I agree that not sharing gender is a great idea. But won't they find out based on the bedding, etc. that I register for?
amnystik - AAARGH- that is so true about the age/season. I live where is snows and I will not be dressing my 5 month old in a sundress in January! THINK PEOPLE!
I'd just not register for any clothes and have people spread the word. I always buy off the registry and then get a cute onsie in like 6-9 months because everyone always buys newborn gear.
I don't think I'd try to hide the sex, like you said it'll be pretty obvious if you put pink binkies or bedding on the registry.
One of the things I've thought about is including a cute illustration in baby shower invitations that shows what season it will be when the baby is different ages/sizes. So, if baby is born in June, the illustrations would be go like this:
You could do cute little captions that say, "Baby Smith will be crawling in their winter booties!" and then suggest clothing sizes.
That would make it very clear that you shouldn't just get newborn clothes, and Mom won't get unseasonable items in bigger sizes. You could even make it an "every season" themed shower! Of course, this would be a bit of an undertaking, and it still doesn't get away from the clothes thing!
I am hoping that most people get the hint based upon what I put on my registry. I also didn't put any disposable diapers on my registry, but I did register at a CD store. Some people ask what we need and our parents are saying cloth diapers, no clothes, etc.
I am going to wait to buy baby clothes until after the shower just in case people buy us clothes.
Yeah clothing is cute, but like you said when you get a ton it's just too much. I do always buy a cute little outfit, but it's more just something to go along with the actual gift that I got and more for fun but is never my main gift. I too got a ton of cloths at my shower, some were dupilcates and some just weren't fit for the season. It was a real pain trying to return them, as I had no receipt for any of them. I was successful with the babies r us ones since they were able to look them up, but the rest just said Carter and they didn't come from the store so now I am somewhat stuck with a bunch of cloths that the baby probably won't or can't wear.
My friend recently registered at a place where she could put down priority for items (it was a specialty store). You could try that. Also - this may be obvious, but just don't register for baby clothes! If you see people beforehand, you can say how thrilled you are that your sister is gifting you with her entire baby clothes collection (if true), which strongly hints baby clothes won't be so useful w/o actually telling people what to bring.
@zippylef: That's what I'm doing - I haven't registered for any baby clothes and I've also mentioned to my friends and family that it would be really nice if people could pitch in go for some of the larger things on the registry (*wink wink*)... we'll see if they pay attention...
I always get at least one item from the registry - like the baby bathtub - and then something I think is cute, an outfit or shoes, etc.
My shower is Sunday and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a lots of clothes :) I've been trying not to buy all the needed items for myself just yet though. I'll wait and see.
We got a lot of clothes and I was actually glad. I mean our baby needs to be clothed... right?! I didn't have to buy any clothes for her yet, and won't until she's one and a half probably.
I see nothing wrong with taking things back though. Use that money to buy what you need. Just don't tell people that. You can still write a nice, thoughtful thank you note and lie about how much you love the gift, and will get a lot of use out of it, and it's perfect for your little one :)
You could always do word of mouth that if ppl really want to buy clothes to maybe spread it out a bit & not all buy 0-3m or 3-6m stuff, kids grow fast and it never hurts to have larger sizes.
I never had this problem though, I guess peeps on both sides of the family are smart ;p because if we did get a 0-3m outfit as a gift it usually came paired with a 8-12m outfit, book or other baby item. To be perfectly honest we got so much variation we didn't have to buy our son anything other than footwear & outer wear until he was about 2.5yrs.
@heathaah:No polite way to do it. Just only register for non-clothes stuff? And then people who want to buy clothes will, but people who want to go off your registry won't.
FWIW I only buy 12mo clothes for baby showers because I'm insane.
@artbee:Oh, and this. Just thank them for what they did get you. Return it after you logged all the items.
i think the only way to combat that would be putting cheaper things on your registry, like bottles and soothies, burp rags, etc. there is no polite way to ask that people not get you clothes!
Mrs. Spring's ideas are fantastic! They might help a bit.
For what it's worth, we did a few things people are mentioning here, and it didn't matter. We had a registry with items in lots of different price ranges, we asked our moms to spread the word that we didn't need baby clothes, and we put a few clothing items on the registry so people could buy those if they REALLY wanted to buy clothes-- or at least they'd know that we wanted just basic stuff. It didn't matter. We still got tons of clothes; lots and lots of clothes.
Just look at the shower as a chance to celebrate the baby, and count on getting lots of clothes. Just roll with it. Don't count on people to use the registry-- if they do, it's a bonus. People just aren't into baby registries the way they're into wedding registries.
I wouldnt even show up if someone indicated that they dont want me to do this or that. You make a registry and yea it is annoying when people dont follow it, but you should just be happy and content with the fact that 1. they showed up to support you and 2. they got you something nice for the baby or for you.
Put a happy face on and thank everyone for what they get you, and if the same thing happens to you that happened to your sister, return the stuff and get what you need.
Thank you notes should not be difficult at all. Thank them for the lovely and thoughtful gift and be done with it.
You seem to have gotten a lot of good suggestions, so here's one that's not really related:
My husband and I kept a big spreadsheet of who gave us what gift, and we also included the price and the link to the item online (if it was off our registry or from the same store). That helped us with thank you notes, since we did end up returning quite a bit of stuff.
If you're going to keep the gender a secret, don't register for the bedding you want. Register for neutral bedding and then just exchange it after the shower. But make sure the store where you're registering has a liberal return policy. We went with Buy Buy Baby because of that reason and it has made our lives so much easier -- especially now that baby girl is here.
Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy!
@AlbanianBride27: No, no, no!! You make it sound like I am ungrateful! That isn't the case at all, which is why I stated that I don't think there is a polite way to ask this. Like I said, I will appreciate anything anyone does for me. I only ask because of two reasons. One, I saw how difficult it was for my very pregnant sister to run around returning things. And two, I feel TERRIBLE returning something that I know someone took the time to pick out especially for us. It breaks my heart. How can I return the outfits my grandma/best friend/mother-in-law spent time choosing so I can get myself a plastic baby tub or something?? I don't want to waste anyone's time or money, and I don't want to look them in the eye and tell them how much I love having yet another onsie in size 0-3 with a monkey on it! I have a tough time when people spend money on me (guilt, I can't explain it) so it is worse when it is stuff I don't really need.
I think having the moms casually mention it is our best bet so far.
If someone asks 'what do you need' I see nothing wrong with answering honestly. It might not be something to put in an invitation though.
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