(Closed) Getting an unexpected invite – do I have to reciprocate?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m no etiquette expert, but I’d say you shouldn’t feel obligated to invite them.  I’d just politely reply to her email asking for an address, and then politely decline if a wedding invite arrives.  She may not even know you’re getting married, or be so wrapped up in her own planning that she doesn’t even give a second thought to the fact that she isn’t invited to yours. 

Post # 4
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

No, you don’t have to invite them. Invite who you want to invite.

Post # 5
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree that you don’t need to invite them… 

I had just dealt with a situation like this recently…. I had gotten invited to some weddings that I was not very close to the bride and groom.  I didn’t go to these weddings (all of them were out of town anyway).  I did end up inviting them to my wedding, however, my wedding will be out of town for them, so i don’t think they will come…  I am a softy and couldn’t stop feeling guilty about not having them on the guest list… so I added them and now I am waiting to get their rsvp back.  we’ll see…. 

Post # 6
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@Kittyachi, you do not need to feel obligated to invite them to your wedding. You have the right to invite who you wish to share the day with even if they invited you to theirs. As the other ladies had mentioned, you can politely decline the RSVP and go on about your business.

Post # 7
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah, I would say you don’t need to invite them. Who knows what that bride’s guest list looks like and if she has a ton of people coming or simply does not know that many people. You could be filler! (Not to be mean, just to make you feel better)

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

NOPE. I’ve gotten a few invitations to weddings and I’ve just been like, "welp, they aren’t getting an invite to mine". I’m not really "friends" with these people so I wonder if some of them are gift-phishing. Friends whose weddings i cannot attend, I do send a gift. But people who i’m going "whaat? why’d they invite me?!" i don’t send a gift.

Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was actually on the opposite end of this.  I was planning on inviting my little sister’s BFF and her bf to our wedding.  Then, a few months ago, they got engaged and chose our same date.  They sent STDs right away (we hadn’t sent ours out yet) to my sister and to my parents, but not to me.  My sister and my mom called to tell me that the friend had chosen our same date, like what are the chances?  Obviously my family will decline the invitation!  But I took the friend and her fiance off my list.  They won’t be able to come anyway, and they weren’t planning on inviting me to theirs. 

So I guess it’s sorta the opposite, but I had fair warning.  No one knows they were axed from our list, not even my sister. 

FWIW, I was a little disappointed that I wasn’t invited, but now that we are spending all our money on wedding things, I don’t think we could have afforded to go to theirs anyway, so it was sort of a relief. 

Post # 10
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Nope, you invite who you want. You could send them a nice congratulatory card if you want just to be nice, but you don’t have to invite everyone that ever invited you to their wedding. HTH!

Post # 11
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel

I don’t think you need to reciprocate. I’m in a similar situation (or will be) – I heard from a mutual friend that I will be invited to a wedding of someone who I hadn’t spoken to in 2 years – no drama, we just fell out of touch.  I don’t think I’ll be attending that wedding, and I don’t think they’ll be totally offended if I don’t send them an invitation to mine.

Post # 12
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

invite who you want. sure we all feel obligated to invite others if we were invited to theirs but the truth is, im hoping they won’t even come so i don’t have to go to theirs, i mean i have too many weddings to go to this year and yes, i did invite those who invited me to theirs as a courtesy type thing but the thing is, i really wouldn’t have cared to be invited to theirs and im sure its the same for most people

Post # 13
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Don’t invite out of obligation. Weddings are too expensive to do so (unless you’re rich)

 My FI’s coworker invited us to their wedding, which is a week before ours.

We’re not sure if we are going (it will prob. be crazy) but I have no intention of inviting them to ours. We have a strict no coworker rule b/c it will add too many.

Post # 14
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

No, you dont have to, just be aware that she might have some hurt feelings.  Its not your fault or rude of you, but might happen anyway.  Just be aware of it.

The topic ‘Getting an unexpected invite – do I have to reciprocate?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors