Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
We are getting married in two weeks. I want to preface this by saying that we have asked virtually nothing of our wedding party. Together we planned a jack and Jill, but aside from that all groomsmen have had to do is get measured for suits. Pretty basic. FI’s best man, however, has complained about EVERYTHING! He’s making things way more stressful and complicated.
1) He keeps saying he wants to get FI drunk the night before the wedding. No. and FI has repeatedly said no, after we set up the barn he is coming home to sleep and care for our two dogs.
2) He keeps arguing that we can leave the dogs alone from 3pm Friday to Sunday afternoon sometime. He keeps saying they can take care of themselves, they’ll be fine. No, actually they won’t. We have a plan for them, but FI is going to take care of them Friday.
3) He said he may help clean up the barn Saturday morning “depending on how he feels”. We only have four people total in the wedding party, and all of them plus our families (and myself and FI) will be there as well. I know the wedding party isn’t hired labour or slaves or obligated to do anything really except for show up, but I find it inconsiderate of him to say that. He is a good friend of my FI and I, and I know if the roles were reversed we would help him, no question.
I apologize if this is long winded, this has been going on since our engagement 9 months ago and he is really stressing me out now that we have 2 weeks to go. FI says he has always been (and I quote) self centered, argumentative, and whiny. I would just hope that for something this important to his friends he would try make things go more smoothly, not the opposite.
Post # 2
allinoelle: People do not change just because someone is getting married.
FI says he has always been (and I quote) self centered, argumentative, and whiny.
This is who he is. I don’t know why you would expect any different.
Post # 3
I know your upset but I don’t think he’ll change. He sounds like a spoiled child. I wonder why your FI would want someone like that as a best man? I suggest you tell your FI you’ve had enough with him. Since this person is your FI friend tell him he needs to deal with any issues that come up. I would plan everything like you don’t expect him to do anything. Then if he doesn’t no big deal, it’s covered. If he does decide to do something it’s a “bonus”.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
julies1949: My thoughts exactly.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Barn
julies1949: I honestly do expect better of him. He can also be a great, fun, and loyal friend. But he has his bad side too, it’s the balance that keeps us all friends. And in my opinion, your best friends wedding is one of those times you have to step up and he just hasn’t, and it makes me sad, and my FI as well.
Post # 6
allinoelle: Sorry you are going through this but if he has been this way the whole time and causing problems, someone should have had a serious talk with him long time ago. It seems crazy he thinks dogs can just be left alone for that long but at least he can’t force you guys to leave the dogs alone or your fi to get drunk night before the wedding. This guy sounds immature and I would think you would feel less stressed if he didn’t come to help clean up. I’m sure he would just annoy everyone there with his whining if he showed up and possibly hinder everyone’s productivity. Its not fair to everyone else but seeing as you’ve been able to put up with him this far and with only two weeks left, the best thing seems to be to not ask him to do another single thing other than show up ready and on time to your wedding / pre- ceremony pictures. If I were your fi, I would definitely reconsider this friendship! Try not to let him stress you out too much although I know this is much easier said than done. I’m sure your wedding day will be wonderful with or without his help.
Post # 7
You and your FI are grown adults, so I assume when he’s telling you that he wants to get your FI drunk and that you can leave your dogs alone, you’ve told him no and otherwise don’t pay attention to these suggestions. As far as the cleaning up part goes, I’d just assume he’s not going to be helping. It seems to be what he’s like. Just accept that; ignore his ‘suggestions’; and go about planning your wedding. Why waste any more energy worrying about what he says or does?
Post # 8
Yeah it’s annoying, but you knew who he was before he was made best man. Not sure why you expected him to step up just because you were getting married.
I think it’s time to adjust your expectations of him. If you strongly feel something needs to be said to him at this point, that is going to be up to your FI to have that talk as it is his friendship.
Post # 9
1) He’s being stupid and being a guy…stop letting him get under your skin. This one’s on you.
2) I strongly believe pets are property not family members but no…you can’t leave dogs unattended form more than 24 hours, it’s cruel. Most cats can hadle it, but not dogs. Tell him to stop suggesting potentially illegal things.
3) Going to pin this one on you again. The guy’s excited about getting drunk and trying to get out of an obligation. Just release the poor guy. It dosn’t matter if you would do differently. You’re not him. Not everyone has “acts of service” in their love language skillset.