- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
so, my cousin is lovely. We didn’t grow up together and only met later in life. We stayed in touch and met up frequently and she has helped me by housing me during the bar exam. She goes on the list of family members I wouldn’t have sought out to be friends with if it weren’t for being blood related. But since we are, I do appreciate our friendship. She is very giving and kind. But, she does take a lot of energy. She is very insecure and needs a lot of reassurance. Sometimes I am more capable of that than others. She called my FI yesterday to seek reassurance in her man situation. He then put me on the phone, which I was pantomiming to not happen because nothing is ever brief. He actually thought I was swatting a bug. 70 minutes later I think I got bullied into inviting her to the wedding. I informed her of the recent decision to have it be an immediate family only for the actual wedding and the larger brunch celebration a few days later. I explained that it was not a decision I reached lightly but one of the few visions for my wedding includes everyone sitting at one table and I cannot do that with a giant reception/guest list. Nor can I have the intimate wedding feel. I am as happy as I can be with my compromise of a brunch celebration a few days later. She laughed. She actually laughed! She said “obviously I am coming.” me “well, the line was immediate family – parents siblings and I hadnt considered beyond that”. Her “I better be included in that. But even if I am not, I am still coming, so it doesn’t really matter.” Dumbfounded. I had no response and sorta dodged it. FI had some pretty good insight. He mentioned that he thinks my cousin thinks we are closer than I do and that she laughed not to put down my vision but because it was comical to her that she would not be invited. To complicate matters worse, we don’t like her live in boyfriend. He is awkward, would not fit in with any of our friends or family and tries WAY too hard. And if I cave to inviting her, I have to invite him. Plus, inviting them puts me over the max number of people I can have and still rent the private dining room FI and I are interested in. Finally, she is my cousin. I drew the line at immediate family line. I know there are consequences with this. But, how do I explain to my other cousins that I grew up with, lived right down the road from and just adore, “I know I said immediate family only and I know Cousin isn’t in that class, but I chose her over you.” Honestly, I actually believe that she would come no matter what as well. I just don’t know what to do! She doesn’t take constructive comments well and I fear saying something will not be taken well and could do serious damage to our friendship and her feelings. Weddings just bring out the worst in some people.