(Closed) Getting cake from a friend – is this weird?

posted 7 years ago in Food
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I had this issue with our hair/makeup people. A girl I used to be bff’s with is my hair stylist, and she lived across teh street from me my whole life so I’m friends with her whole family. We had a falling out after middle school, so we’re not that good of friends anymore, but I still go to her for my hair. Since she did my hair for the wedding, I wanted to include her. But her mom did my make up and we ended up not inviting her, we just didn’t have enough room at the venue. My mom also said it was ok, and since it was such a small wedding I’m hoping she wasn’t insulted.

Post # 5
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have a similar-ish situation; an old high school friend of mine is now a beautician and I thought she could do my hair and make up. I sent her a facebook message asking if she could suggest anyone in the area, since I don’t live there (real indirect, haha) and she responded and offered her own services, at a deep discount. I just went ahead and added her to our guestlist (although she ended up RSVPing no for the reception), even though she wouldn’t have made the cut (or been anywhere near it) before. It was like my way of thanking her – besides the gift card I plan to get her, of course!

Why not just add her to the guestlist? It sounds like you’ve got a big enough wedding that it shouldn’t be a problem, not like it’s just 20 family members and she would stick out like a sore thumb!

Post # 6
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

As someone who is trying to start up my own business in the wedding industry, if a friend of a friend contacted me about their wedding, I would be more than happy to do it. It would be one more business opportunity and I would be grateful for the job. I also wouldn’t expect a formal invite to anything. But I could see the bride saying “stick around and have a drink with us!” I think it would be a less formal vendor-bride relationship, more friendly I guess, but whatever you feel comfortable with.

Post # 7
Member
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly, I wouldn’t do it. In my opinion, its sort of like rubbing it in her face that she isn’t invited. Maybe she doesn’t expect to be invited, but the fact that you have a relationship with her already definitely makes it an awkward situation if she made that assumption. If you don’t want to invite her, I’d go elsewhere to get the cakes made. On the other side of the coin, she might get offended that cakes are her business and you didn’t want to use her. But, I’d err on the side of caution and find someone else to make the cakes.

Post # 9
Member
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Actually, I do think thats a bit of a different situation. In that case, I don’t think think it would be a problem to ask her to do the cakes. But, in regards to your comment that she would be invited to the wedding shower – keep in mind that only those who are invited to the wedding are invited to the shower. So, even if you ask her to do the cake and invite her to the shower, she should (according to etiquette rules) be invited to the wedding, so I’d either invite her to both the wedding+shower, or none of the events and keep the relationship vendor/vendee.

Another thing to consider is – what if you don’t like how the cakes turn out? Are you going to be horribly disappointed, and is it going to cause an issue in your friendly relationship? I’d keep that in mind. 

Post # 10
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

If it’s just immediate family at the engagement party, she prob wouldn’t want to hang around anyway. Don’t worry about it, if she’s anything like me she would think “a job is a job” and be happy to add it to her portfolio while helping out a friend of a friend.

Post # 11
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I think if you love her cakes then I definitely would get her to make it for your parties!  She would probably appreciate the business and also the fact that you are spreading the word about her delicious cakes!  I live in a place in which nearly everyone is a friend or a friend of a friend and there’s no way I would ever be able to invite everyone to any social occasion.  I wouldn’t think a thing of not including everyone.  I think this girl will understand, and I’d let her know about the wedding cake, so that she’ll know that you didn’t ask her to make one because it’s included at your location.  I don’t think it will be a big deal, because she’s going to be making cakes for her business.  She’s going to be making a lot of cakes for things that she’s not invited to…so don’t worry about the invite.  If it makes you feel better, you can let her know about your large family situation, because that’s not really a big deal.  Hope you have a fun celebration!!!  My guess is that the other comments are based on big city answers in which it is unusual to have a friend do anything for you…  In my town, the teachers, doctors, bankers, store clerks, lawyers, grocers…are all friends or aquaintances.  Don’t worry that it’s weird!  She’ll be glad that you called her!

Post # 12
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Not weird but make sure your venue allows it. Many places do not allow homemade food from unlicensed “caterers” due to food safety laws enforced by the health dept.

Is this woman a guest at your wedding? If so, unless she has a full staff working under her, she will not be able to take any time away from the kitchen the entire day/night to enjoy your wedding as a guest. If she is not a guest, then it isn’t an issue.

Post # 13
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

im in a similar situation. im friends with an old highschool friend who makes beautiful cakes, and i emailed her about possibly working with us to make cupcakes for our wedding, and then i opted not to. i made sure to word the email to let her know that i wasnt for sure going with a professional i was just curious on pricing etc. so since now, im opting not to use her, i dont feel bad about it.

i would ask the mutual friend if she has a website that you can look at, but tell her not to mention it to the cakemaker friend. so you can decide if she is a baker you would pick even if she wasnt an aquantance. and there will be no pressure to go with her, and no hard feelings if you dont.

if she seems just as good as anywhere else, then yes go with her. it would be a good gesture, and i like to help friends with their buisnesses if i can.

just realize that if she doesnt deliver on promises to make a great cake, then it may be awkward at the mutual friend parties etc. but the shower and engagement party cakes are that big of deal.

 

Post # 14
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would hire her and let her know that you want to support local business of people you know.  She may be insulted to not be invited but oh well – people feel this way all the time!  If she’s so hurt she’ll say no to making your cake.  It’s a little awkward to draw up a contract with an aquitance but not so bad.

DH and I just got hired to do the photography for a friend’s wedding.  They went to school together and we’re okay friends.  Thing is I doubt we would have been invited.  I’m not really hurt – we gave them a super discounted rate and we’re happy to be apart of their day – even if we have to eat the “vendor meal” (which I’m still unsure about).  I plan on even giving them a wedding gift!

I say better to get a good deal with a good business that try not to hurt anyone’s feelings in the slightest.

Post # 16
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@TinyTina: I think that it may make the situation a little easier if since its for a couple parties that whoever is the host actually do the “hiring”.  It’s easier that way since you don’t want to seem like you’re throwing yourself the party but you referred her to the host.  It should make her feel more comfortable and more like a vendor rather than a friend.  which like you said could go either way but whatever.

I would say technically our friends’ parents are hiring us for their photography. 

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