- 6 years ago
Sooo…about six months after I started dating my SO he said he didn’t want marriage but he wanted kids. I told him I would not have kids without marriage. It took him a long time, but finally after about 2 and a half years into our relationship he said “maybe in 10 years” I absolutely knew I did not want to wait that long for his final commitment. So very slowly, every couple of months I would mention “if we get married, if we have kids etc…” Well, one day a while ago we were watching my big redneck wedding, and he commented on him wanting the beer can arch over us during our wedding. Great. Right? Beer cans. Soo I took that with a grain of salt and didn’t mention anything. Then, slowly every now and then I would mention how I liked “sparkly pretty jewelry” and he finally got the big hint that I wanted an engagement soon. Not only that but his family hounds him A LOT about marrying me, so much that I don’t really have to mention it to him. Then, every few months he would say “our wedding” or “when we get married” ( He has always mentioned “our kids”) etc…the comments were so far and few between I thought it would still be in a 10 year time period.
Well…fast forward to this past year, I bought a house for us (he makes half of the payments of course, but I didn’t want his name on the loan cuz, well…you just never know what’s going to happen since we weren’t engaged or anything) and a few months ago he said “5 years” well…that’s better than 10 years so I went with that. (and signed up with wedding bee cuz I’m slightly obsessed about this whole thing) Then the other day I told him a compromise. I said “if you ask me to marry you, then we can have a kid, and wait a couple of years to actually get married” Because, I just don’t want to have a kid with someone who doesn’t plan on staying with me forever, like until we are old and wrinkly and have no hair forever.
Well…this must have put something in his mind, because then he said “4 years” and I said “nope, I am not waiting around that long” and he said “3 years” and I said “two years”. And I left it at that. Then, he said “well, if you keep talking about it, it’s not going to happen” and really, he may think so, but I really do not bring it up all that much at all. His family, and my wonderful friend mention it waaaaay more than me. My wonderful friend mentions to him the cuts/styles I want in a ring every now and then. She also asked siri last week if he should marry me…my phone responded with “get married” we all were all giggly and stuff (him too, but I think he was just trying to be funny), so she texted him siris response. It was cute! Soo…I’ve kinda learned from reading these boards and looking for good “flags” that the whole “if you keep talking about it, it’s not going to happen” means that there is a slight, little, minute chance that he may possibly be starting to plan something.
I do want to thank all of you who understand (and taught me) about the waiting game. I would have been very distraught and full of resentment in my relationship if I wasn’t able to come here to read/vent about things like this.