getting cold feet..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Mrsdickinson:  he was supposed to be going to therapy to try and be dignoised with adhd

I don’t understand… In the words of Yoda: Do, or do not, there is no try.
If you don’t see this working out then you should call it off – I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who has no notion of teamwork and who I suspect doesn’t like me anymore.
Seriously, we all make mistakes – all you can do is try to mitigate the mistake- related fall-out.

Post # 5
10877 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

You’ve been together a long time, live together, and have children together, so, in many ways, you’ve been living a life that is similar to that of a married couple, but without having made the the formal commitment. To be a month away from making that commitment and having such conflicting feelings, must be very distressing.

You have so much time, energy, love, and so many other things invested in building a future with this man, because you have already shared so much of yourself and your life with him. In some ways, I’m sure it’s hard to envision your life and future without him, and breaking up with him now may seem daunting and nearly impossible.

If you were married to him already, I would absolutely not be saying this but instead would encourage you to do whatever you both possibly can to save your relationship. However, because you’re not married, and it sounds as if your relationship is becoming very unpleasant for both of you, I do not think it’s wise for you to proceed blindly into marriage and hope that things will change.

I think it’s definitely time for a heart-to-heart talk about whether or not you both truly want to spend the rest of your lives together, or if one of you (or perhaps both of you) secretly wants to be free from this relationship. As difficult and painful as ending your relationship would be — and it likely would feel very much like a divorce at this point, you owe it to each other and to your children to find out now, before you proceed with your wedding.

I wish you and your FI and children the best. If it turns out you both truly want to move forward and marry, I think counseling is vital to help provide you with the tools to build a healthy relationship.

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