Getting DH on board?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 4
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Here are the books I’ve heard recommended on supporting a woman during pregnancy/birth and about fatherhood:

“The Birth Partner” by Penny Simkin
I would also highly recommend couples counseling as a holistic approach to strengthening your relationship by learning better communication and conflict resolution skills. We went for about 8 months before TTC and though I had to twist his arm to get him to do it, it was well worth the investment. 

Post # 5
3009 posts
Sugar bee

@polly-pocket:  it can take some men a while to fully grasp what is going on. My pregnancy was also unplanned and it was quite rocky in the beginning. My situation was really unique and I decided that no matter what happened with “us” I was excited about my baby and that’s what I needed to focus on. He attended the appts I felt necessary (only 2) and was kept informed. 

Id say around the time of my shower at 29w is when his behavior changed. I was very obviously pregnant and we were putting together the nursery. Click. I am now 38w and he calls me 4-5 times a day to check on me and is just so in love with our baby boy already. If you told me at 10 or 12w this is how it would be I wouldn’t have believed you. 

All that to say, don’t alienate him. He is your baby’s father and regardless you want to foster that and allow that important relationship to be an option. Unless he is abusing you in some way, go through this with him but with lowered expectations. For you everything has changed, for him nothing has- and he can’t see your changes. 

Just enjoy yourself and your pregnancy- with as much support from him as you get. Let other people be Excited with you. Baby feeds off your emotion so try to make them happy emotions! (If someone had told me this at week 8 I would have suggest they fuck off. It gets so much better, I promise.) 

feel free to pm if you need anything. You’re having a baby! It’s exciting!

Post # 6
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@polly-pocket:  Interested in this also. I’m right there with ya. We found out earlier this week and he didn’t take it very well. Didn’t talk to me for 2 days. I know that its frustrating but I’m sure he will come around. My husband is starating to so Im sure it’s just a matter of time. 

Post # 7
2894 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry you are feeling alone in it so far 🙁

I don’t have any advice, but I second going to a councilor, both as a couple and alone. They should really help both of you work together as a couple and feel supported, and alone to make sure you aren’t losing yourself (or himself) in baby. 

Do you think he may feel like you are ignoring him/ your relationship between the two of you because all of your attention is now on baby?

Post # 8
1806 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - EDD Aug '15

@mamadingdong:  Exactly, it probably hasn’t sunk in with OP’s FI as he isn’t the one feeling symptoms and there aren’t any outward signs yet.

OP, hang in there, he’ll cone around and in the meantime don’t start fights with him when you may be hormonal. Everything’ll be fine 🙂

Post # 9
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We had a hard time too, especially with DH and our finances. I don’t think he really felt financially responsible until AFTER our daughter was born and she planned.  I tried to bite my tongue and save as much as I could while I was pregnant, and he came around after. In general too, he wasn’t what I expected (based on movies, ha ha ha) during the pregnancy – like I remember complaining that it was dangerous to walk the dog in the wintertime with all the snow and ice and he didn’t seem worried. But after I had the baby (in the summer!) he would be super worried about me falling when we were out with the dog. Some people need a tangible baby to have it sink in, which isn’t super fun for the pregnant! I would give it some time and think about how your SO usually processes things.  It’s hard when your pregnant because you feel such a need for support, and sometimes it doesn’t come from where it should right away! 

Post # 10
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@polly-pocket:  We were TTC & DH wasn’t super jazzed about my BFP when i showed him the pregnancy test. He was like “really this is how you are telling me.” And I just walked out of the room with tears in my eyes. The next morning I took 3 more tests and left them in the bathroom for him to see when he woke up & he was like, “Okay I get it.” But for the first few weeks I’d be like “OMG we are having a baby!!! I’m so excited, blah blah blah.” and he’d be like, “so what do you want to do today?” – I told him there were 2 doctors appointments he HAD to go to with me no questions asked. (My DH HATES taking time off work & there was no way he was going to tell his boss he needed time off to attend his wife’s first prenatal appointment.) He came with me to my “viability & dating u/s apt” that was followed by a meeting with the pregnancy support department where they give you a ton of paperwork, collect info about your medical history & schedule your next couple of appointments. It was the pregnancy nurse at that appointment who told DH which appointments she thought it was important for him to attend (my 12 week when we went over blood work and my anatomy scan). DH came to those appointments and a few others that he decided he wanted to attend. I haven’t purchased any books for DH because in the 4 years we’ve been together I haven’t seen him read 1 book so I know I’d just be wasting my money and efforts picking one out. 

I think because your pregnancy isn’t having a direct effect on your FI (like it is on you since you are experiencing all of the changes), it’ll take him longer to come around. Stick to your guns and let him know you 100% need him with you at your first appointment no questions asked. Best wishes to you and congrats on your BFP!!!

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