(Closed) Getting engaged after living together or before?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What would you do in my situation?
    Move in together and wait for the proposal. : (120 votes)
    72 %
    "I'm not moving in together without a ring first." : (46 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    63 posts
    Worker bee

    @Stranger516:  I personally live with my SO (and have for about 2 years), and we’re going to be getting engaged in the near future. I think it’s all about what you feel is personally best for you and your partner! Do whatever makes you happiest. Statistically speaking, though, those who live together prior to marriage are more likely to divorce. Obviously I didn’t let that deter me!

    Post # 4
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Fiance and I did not live together before we were engaged. I’d learned my lesson: breaking up with someone that you live with really really sucks and I had no interest in doing it again. With that said, every couple is different and should make up their own minds.

    Post # 5
    9217 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    @Stranger516: It made sense for us to live together before getting engaged.  It’s really illuminating (and wonderful!) to actually share a home and a life with your partner.  

    @FutureSLS: I don’t trust that statistic much.  I suspect that it’s heavily influenced by religious people who don’t live together beforehand but also don’t divorce even if they have an unhappy marriage.

    Post # 6
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think it makes sense as long as you set some sort of timeline so it doesn’t progress to the point where you’ve been living together for years and there is still no engagement coming. I used to not like the idea of living together first – I wanted to wait until we were engaged to move in with my SO. But he, like your Boyfriend or Best Friend, felt really strongly about living together before marriage – he’d been engaged once before, and when she moved in after they got engaged things completely fell apart. So he was dead set on not proposing or purchasing a ring until we were living together. I moved in late July/early August, and he ended up buying the ring in September and proposing towards the end of October.


    I know some people will say it shouldn’t be necessary and that if you really love eachother there’s nothing you can find out after moving in together that you couldn’t work through…but I don’t think that’s true. There are some things you just can’t know only seeing eachother twice a week or so.

    Post # 7
    2376 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Weekends are very different than living with someone.  You’re still on ‘good behavior’ at that point.  It’s not till you live together that you see the toilet seat up, the flatulence, the ‘sweet gods, don’t go in there for a while, the febreze did NOTHING’, dirty dishes n the sink for days, wet towels on the bed, etc.  And when it comes down to it, the details are what can drive you crazy.  (And I’m the one who leaves the wet towel on the bed, for the record).  I would never marry someone I hadn’t lived with. 

    All that being said, I also walked into this with an open line of communication with my fiance on what moving in meant.  I’m not a fan of arbitrary numbers (engaged in 2 years or ELSE), but I made it very clear that this was a step towards marriage for me.  He was fine with that, and we’re now engaged.  Knowing where both parties stand is hugely important – for some people, it’s a step to marriage, for some, it’s not. 

    Post # 8
    3063 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    My husband and I lived together for about 4 years before we got engaged. I personally wouldn’t have it any other way. I liked that when we came home from the wedding we were able to just CHILL. We didn’t have to merge our things together, or come up with a chore routine, and we were just comfortable being around eachother 24/7 by that point. It certainly wasn’t like that when we first moved in together though! It took a lot of getting used to having someone else in my space all the time, taking someone else into consideration when I purchase groceries or home decor, washing someone else’s clothes with my own, etc. I am happy I didn’t have to deal with all that as a newlywed.

    Regardless of my experience,  you should do what you’re comfortable with. Smile

    Post # 9
    5065 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I really do think it is a good idea to live together before marriage, then it’s not such a shock. 

    Post # 10
    295 posts
    Helper bee

    @Stranger516:  Absolutely! Living together is totaly different from spending 1-2 days a week or going on a short trips together. When not living together you don’t share the daily things like bills, household tasks and getting back from work tired.

    The older ones here might have lived on their own for some time and getting used to “living as a couple” takes some time and effort from both sides. Once this goes OK, I think the next step is an engagement.

    Post # 12
    2685 posts
    Sugar bee

    Personally, I’m so glad that my Fiance and I have lived together.  For the first year, we saw each other on nights and weekends, then we moved into an apartment when our leases went up.  We have lived together for about 2 years now and we’ve learned so much more about each other.  The most important takeaway is that by living together, we learned how to work together as a team – cooking meals together, doing chores, scheduling events, creating budgets, stuff like that.  You’ll certainly have an opportunity to do that after marriage, so don’t let me discourage you if you want to wait before moving in together.  But, my experience has certainly made me more aware of my Fiance and appreciative of the bond we have.

    Post # 13
    1541 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I live with SO and have for 4 years. We’re almost at 6 years. A proposal is in the works. I think it’s really important to live together. You learn so much about eachother when you live together! I would hate getting married and then being shocked if there was something he did I really couldn’t deal with

    Post # 14
    9414 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yes as long as you both see eye-to-eye on if and when you want to get married.  We lived together before we got engaged, and he is the only SO I ever lived with!

    Post # 15
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I moved in with Fiance after getting engaged, which was perfect for me.  I think it’s equally as good as moving in while in a serious relationship, contemplating marriage, etc. and DEFINITELY was a prerequisite to me beginning the wedding planning process.  Lucky for us, living together sealed the deal.  Highly recommend the try before you buy method!

    Post # 16
    2296 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I lived with my Fiance for a year before we got engaged, and before we moved in together we were either both at his place or both  at my place, unless there was random circumstances (like one of us going out with friends or something).  It was a pretty seamless transition to living together- we aleady spent most of our time together so there weren’t many surprises to get used to.  Although he had to get used to my lack of folding laundry skils! 


    To me it was never a question that we’d live together before getting married, and while I didn’t need an engagment or promise of an imminent engagement to take that step, I wouldn’t have moved in with him if we hadn’t both talked about our future and acknowledged that we wanted to get married.

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