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Awww TP sigh, vent and (((HUGS)))!!! Let it all out on the Bee!
I hate to say it but losing weight is something he is going to have to do for him (which he should to better his health!) and realize it on his own in order for him to actually get his but in gear and do it. Hopefully he will realize it soon! Hang in there TP
Eeek! I went through the "you need to lose weight" ordeal as well. It makes me sick that I said this, but it worked so I'll share it. We were hanging out at his parents house doing laundry and he comes downstairs with a plate full of something unhealthy and I said to him "Baby, how will I know that you can stay committed to me when you aren't even committed to your own health?"
@TP - I am sorry that sucks!
Unfortunately I agree with SandDollar this is not something he can do for YOU he will only do it if he WANTS to do it for himself!
Could you maybe take charge by cooking him healthy meals and getting rid of any junk food in the house and maybe you could make exercise a "thing" you guys could do together?
I've tried all that.
He says he wants to do it for himself, has a FREE gym membership. I've tried cooking him healthy food. He promised to stop eating fast food and work out at least once a week. Yeah that didn't happen. He is on Weight Watchers and never goes to the meetings, there is NO junk food in the house, I just don't know what to do.
I've tried coddling him, I've tried pointing out his habits (he asked me too) nothing works. He says ok, lets go for walks in the evening and then every time I mention it, he says no.
We have an elpitical in the house, a bosu ball, exercise ball. I have yoga mats and weight bench.. nothing. He uses NONE of it. Says he doesn't want to stress about exercising in his house, but he wont' go to the gym He liked Karate (boxing) and we started doing that, but he refused to take group classes and we can't afford $400 a month private lessons (at least not right now)
Since I have been going through the weight battle myself (Depo was the worst BC decision I ever made in my life ugh...glad I came to my senses) I can understand how frustrating sticking with a plan can be.
My FI can eat anything he wants and not gain an ounce but if I even LOOK at something unhealthy I gain instantly...well not that drastically =)
What has worked for me is having my FI be on the same page as me as far as eating and exercise habits. It used to drive me nuts when he used to oh so gently talk about how he wants me around for a long time while munching on a burger...LOL. I had to explain to him that it's like smoking cigarettes around somebody trying to quit smoking...just cruel. So we work it as a team...
I work on the weight but it's easier to work out when I don't feel like me being a certain weight is a condition of our relationship. I know my FI will be with me no matter what and that takes the pressure/stress off and makes it a little easier to stay on track.
I've been in the weight battle for two years.. (Thank you Depo) we started it together and while I've been making progress (then stalled) he hasn't even seemed to be trying. It's frustrating to say the least! I just feel how can he say he will be all these husband things when he can't even take care of himself.
I know that you are concerned for his health. I am concerned about my fiance's health as well. His blood pressure medicine worries me....but I would never be able to say anything like that to him. Flip it around. What if your fiance mentioned that to you? How would you react? Try to set a healthy example for him and hope that he follows. Remember, he has feelings also.
@TP...I read a study recently that determined that women who were IN SHAPE prior to taking depo..gained the most weight while on it...while those who had weight problems prior to starting gained minimal weight. I was very much in shape prior to Depo...oh had I known then what I know now...I would have NEVER chosen that BC option. The fight back to physical fitness has been a tough one.
If it's a matter of your FI not trying...maybe you should try and incorporate "non-workout" physical activities into you guys day. Long walks, tennis, raking leaves, cutting grass all burn calories. Maybe he can see a nutritionist to determine what his eating "trigger" is. For me...it was stress.
Losing weight is really hard. You said yourself that you've stalled in your attempts. And even of people who sucessfully lose weight, the vast majority will gain it back, plus some, within 2 years. You can hope that he 'wins the weightloss battle' but you can't make him do it.
As a fat person, I'm relatively certain he feels like shit about his weight. If my husband felt the way you do and said those kinds of things to me and harped on me about my weight, I'd leave the relationship. I feel for your FI- it must feel really bad to be unhappy with your weight and know that the person you love is unhappy with you too. Imagine if the tables were turned- wouldn't you feel like garbage to be on the receiving end of your actions? Please ease up on him- nothing you say can make him change.
Perhaps focus on something other than losing weight-- like lowering blood pressure, lowering bad cholesterol and raising good cholesterol, etc. to improve his health.
My husband is about 20-30lbs heavier than when I first met him, but he no longer needs blood pressure medicine, no longer has high cholesterol, etc. So even though his waistline is a little bigger, he's a lot healthier.
I'm a big girl, size 18 right now. I was a 24 (again thanks depo)before I flipped out and went on a medical diet (I stopped losing after I lost about 40#) All I care about is him keeping his cholesterol, blood pressure and risks of obesity diseases down.
Granted I was in shape before I met him and went on depo. But, I was never tiny, size 12 and I loved it. Worked out every day, see I was in gymnastics and a dancer then.
My weight hasn't stalled b/c of my food choices, I'm killing myself to the point of obsession. Now I'm getting medicine for things they are diagnoising me (That's a whole other rant that I can't deal with now)
I would NEVER tell him stuff he didn't ask about. But he gained 140# in our relationship. He watched me struggle with mine and asked for help. Thats why we made that deadline, his doctor says he need to lose about 40# to start (he's teeting 400 rihgt now) otherwise it's sugergy and a whole lot of complications. He already has Gout and Sleep apnea, I don't want his health getting worse.
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I love Mr. Holiday I really do, but he is really driving me nuts!
He promised to lose weight as I was not going to marry him when I knew he would die in 10 years and leave me a widow before age 40 probably with 2 kids! He promised up and down he would make this change in eating healthy and working out.
It's been over a YEAR and still nothing. I feel like I was taken advantage of! He always does this. He may be the sweetest guy but the man's responsibilities stop after like ONE week!
It's driving me nuts and after the miserable day (reactions to meds I'm sure) I'm about to go postal on his ass and I just needed to vent otherwise there would be no wedding right now.
ARGH I'm sick of hearing "Baby, I promise I'll work on things" I don't CARE, Stop saying you promise to work on things and JUST DO IT!
End of vent.