Post # 1
Hello bees —
I have a lot on my mind.. Im not even sure if ill get any comments but i really just have to vent and if any one understands where i am coming from or has some advice please feel free to comment.
As of right now i am at the most busiest time of planning for our wedding. long story short my parents have their opinion of how they want things and their main concern is impressing everyone. “We have to do this and we have to do that”.. i understand they want my wedding to be nice but i think with me getting married the same year as my cousin is, to them, this is more of a competition.. Truthfully to me you cant even compare the two. my cousin is having a huge wedding in a hall, im having a small (50 guest) destination wedding. She will be having a huge reception with dancing and i will be having a intimate dinner with family and if they would like to dance and party later then they can enjoy the exclusive clubs. I feel with the destination wedding its a vacation to all who are attending which i feel makes up for the reception and to be honest i would prefer that personally but to each its own. This is just one example of what my parents have been stessing me out and its making the whole planning thing less fun.
Im really looking forward to our wedding and sharing it with my family .. but ive been considering having a personal ceremony at my church just me and my fiance before the actual wedding just so that we can have the one moment during a marriage that is truely about us and nobody else..
i dont know if im just emotional about the whole thing. Would it be selfish and unfair to my family and most of my parents to get married secretly before the actual wedding? Or should i just put my foot down and let people know that my wedding is my wedding and my main concern is not the guest but me and my future husband on OUR day?
Let me know what you think..
Post # 3
I think you have the right attitude about it. If your family thinks you need to upgrade something, let them know the price and that you will not be paying for it, AND that you are very happy with what you have planned already. I got wrapped up in a competition too, and even though I think we won :), it still adds a lot of unwanted stress. Just focus on your day, and don’t let anyone change what you and your fiance want/have planned.
Post # 4
You should lay down the law with your parents if you feel you need to. Reject their offers to help and plan things your way. This is more complicated if they are paying.
I would say absolutely DO NOT get married ahead of time if people have already booked tickets/spent money arranging plans/booked vacation time from work.
I wouldn’t want to spend money/vacation days to attend a do over fake wedding. I will attend a destination wedding if I am close enough to the couple, but its also not exactly a vacation for me either. Right now I want to take my next vacation to Morocco but I can’t because I am going to DR for a wedding. So its sort of a holiday, except I didn’t get to pick the place, the time, my travel companions, and the time isn’t exactly my own.
I would not be willing to give up Morocco and not even attend a real wedding. I do not need to pay thousands of dollars to “holiday” with this group if they got fed up with the planning and got married ahead of time.
But definitely do talk to your family about your expectations for the day, and try to guide things that way.
Post # 5
I totally understand where you’re coming from on this; it can be really easy to get wrapped up in the idea that everything has to be “perfect” and “impressive.” Take a deep breath, and remember that your guests are taking time and money to celebrate YOU and your fiance, and your love, and your future. Your parents need to understand that, frankly, it’s your day. Your guests will understand that the intimate dinner is what you want. Like you said, if they want the whole dancing thing, they can go out later!
I hope you figure things out with your family 🙂