Post # 1
Ok so last week I wrote a post about getting laid off from my job. It turns out my health insurance will be over by the end of June. My fiance and I are planning to get married by the end of this month because of this. I have a chronic illness (nothing too serious!) for almost 10 years and I don’t want to be without insurance and he doesn’t either. Our actual wedding date is in October. My question is…I’m not planning to tell anyone except my best friend and my fiance wants to tell his mom before we actually get legally married. I told him that may be a bad idea because his mom is very dramatic and the typical MIL. She’s a good person but can be very overbearing. Has anybody had this problem before? Should we tell her before or after?
Post # 3
I actually was a witness for friends who got married before their wedding (they were having a destination wedding and she didn’t want to apply for two passports, plus they were moving out of state and she didn’t want to have to get two drivers’ licenses, etc). My fiance and I were their witnesses and to this day, we are the only two that know they were married ahead of time. They do not count their courthouse marriage date as their wedding date–they celebrate the day they had their destination wedding. Assuming that’s what you’re planning on doing, if it was me I would tell only our witnesses and that’s about it. You’re going to be celebrating your wedding in October and by all means, that can be your wedding day. Getting married ahead of time can just be the technical stuff. To keep the drama low, I don’t think it’s even necessary to tell your MIL, simply because you’re going to be celebrating your wedding anniversary as the day of your wedding, not the day of your courthouse ceremony. Hope that helps, good luck!
Post # 4
Oh my gosh I’m almost in the same situation. My company has laid off so many people. My wedding is also in October and my FI and I decided to do the same thing if I get laid off. I figured my mom would freak out. But a couple of months ago I told her and she was surprisingly understanding. She knows the important of healthcare. She just made sure we were still doing the formal ceremony in front of family later. I’m sure if your FI explains the situation, she will understand.
Post # 5
I know how you feel. I have a chronic illness too (also not too serious!) and am definitely not comfortable not having insurance. In general, I think parents would be upset if a friend was told and not them. If you’re going to tell your friend – even a best friend, you should probably tell the parents too. The other way to do it is to not tell anybody at all. That way you can say there was no discrimination or favoritism. Everyone was treated equally. If you tell the MIL, you and your fiancee will have to let her have her drama while you both keep your foot down on what’s practical. After all, it’s your health and your romance! Best of luck!
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice! My FI is going to tell his mom soon and he told me if she freaks out "oh well! let her freak out".
Post # 7
I did this !! My fiancee got laid off , so he couldn’t get insurance , so eventhough we have the wedding set for June 5 next yr ,we decided we would get married and not tell anyone else …and its kind of fun ..when were alone ..he refers to me as his wife and calls me his last name ..lol ..its like " our little secret" ..we just went to city hall..and did it ..All i told was my best friend ..and thats it ..So as far as anyone on either of our family sides know ..were just ENGAGED .. NOONE else has to know ….
Why does your MIL have to know ??
Good luck !
Post # 8
*HUGS* I’m all in support of getting legally married before the ceremony. =) We are, just so that we can have the ceremony we want, not for something as noble as health insurance (thank God we live in Canada…).
As for telling your FMIL, it’s up to your fiance. I probably would, ’cause she’s his mother, but if she really is as tempermental as you say then I’d be VERY careful how I worded it.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
My friends are doing this for the same reasons you are. Their wedding’s not till 2010 but they’re getting married next week and won’t be telling anyone. It’s up to your FI whether to tell his mom I think.. I don’t think it’s necessarily the best idea if you’re concerned about her freaking out. My friends won’t be telling theirs for this reason.
Post # 10
Thanks for all the responses. We did tell his mom and she did freak but thats ok. We actually got married a couple of weeks ago and it went well. It was nothing special but it does feel different now that we’re husband and wife. I am really happy and I just want to tell everyone that I got married but we will till the wedding. 🙂