Post # 1
It’s been 5 months since I have spoken with one of the bridesmaids from my wedding. We used to be really good friends. I have called her about once a month (a total of four times) and just recently wrote her an e-mail but have never gotten a response. The e-mail basically said I was hurt about never getting a response from her and that I missed her and that I hoped she was ok.
I am fairly sure nothing catastrophic has happened as I get updates on her through other friends and through Facebook. I saw her this past weekend at a party (where again, she seemed to be fine and acted like everything was normal between us) and she never mentioned anything about this. I didn’t think it was the appropriate forum to discuss it…with tons of people around so I let it go.
At this point I am just upset and sad that she did not get in touch with me and I am not sure what to do about it. I don’t want to keep calling/e-mailing without getting any kind of response but am sad to let this friendship go. Also, we live a couple of hours apart so it’s a bit too far for me to go visit her in person. It seems like she no longer cares to be friends…so should I just take the hint or could there be something else going on? What would you do?
Post # 3
I hate to be harsh, but it really sounds like she’s not that interested in being friends, especially since you’ve tried so much. One of my friends started giving me that treatment. It turns out that when I was trying to be honest with her and tell her that she needed to stop fawning over every single boy that gave her attention, she decided I was a terrible friend and didn’t want to be friends anymore. Since then, it’s turned into a power struggle and I gave up talking to her about 3 months ago. It’s also possible that she has something that is going on in her life that she doesn’t want to burden you with. Either way, I think you need to go ahead and assume that she doesn’t want to be your bridesmaid, as much as that might hurt. Good luck!
Post # 4
Maybe she’s just bad at staying in touch? Or is it that she used to stay in touch and now stopped for no reason?
Post # 5
@KMSkull- Yeah, I have to agree. I think she might just not be that into me anymore. That’s why I need the hive’s advice! The other thing is she is really busy. But…
@HelloHelloHello- She used to be a lot better at keeping in touch in that makes me think she’s not so interested in maintaining the friendship. Or…that she has something else going on. I just don’t know!
Post # 6
This happened to me a few years ago. My best friend just stopped returning my calls/emails/cards. To this day, I have no idea why. We have mutual friends and they have asked her what happened, because we were literally inseparable for over 4 years. She tells them that she doesn’t know — she was just in a different point in her life, etc. etc. I worried over this for literally years. It took me quite a while to move on because I really believed she was a lifelong friend.
My advice, is to just ask her straight up what’s going on. Tell her that if she not interested in being your friend/staying in touch, then you would just like to know. Don’t be like me and agonize over it and make yourself upset only to find out this is just a personal problem with the other person.
Post # 7
So sorry to hear. I too had a really close friend in college who just dropped off the face of the earth one day. We went from hanging out or calling each other almost every day, to absolutely zero contact. I guess the one “saving grace,” if you could call if that, is that she pretty much stopped talking to everyone else in our circle too. But nobody really understands why.
Has she participated in any of your bridal/wedding stuff? Maybe it’s time to consider another bridesmaid.
Post # 8
@Editrix: I feel like we have the same ex-friend!
Post # 9
maybe she’s feeling smothered?
I know I for one really struggle with intimacy with people. Part of it’s being an introvert, part of it’s past pain, part of it’s just plain dysfunction on my part (yeah yeah, I’ve talked with my counselor about it plenty, don’t worry).
What happens though is that when I get close to someone, something on a subconscious level freaks out ~ and I start to withdraw.I don’t MEAN to do it, but I do anyway… usually without being able to articulate why.
I’m just terrified of being intimate with (most) people. If she’s anything like me, then a big step like being asked to be your BM or whatev might have just pushed her over the edge of feeling smothered or ‘too close’.
Hope you can talk to her about this and that she’s willing to listen and able to respond!