Post # 1
I can’t believe how much deliberating is going into such a simple topic, but I’m really stuck!
short version: We are downsizing to live together (in a small place) so currently getting rid of a lot of “stuff”. We are also earning plenty and really don’t need gifts. We are not going on honeymoon (OH is mid-medical treatment) so we can’t have a honeymoon fund.
People (esp older relatives and family friends) are starting to ask about a gift lift. I was thinking about asking for charitable donations instead and have found some good websites that offer this kind of “gift list”, but the more I think about it the more I realise these older people may not want to do this – they want to give us something for our future life together. But we don’t need anything! We need less!
Am toying with the idea of having a short gift registry along with a charity option. Help please!
Post # 3
@RainStorm: I would check out honeyfund, you can customize the list to whatever you want. Charitable donations included. We’ve added a button for contributions to a down payment on our first home, honeymoon stuff, date night options, a night at the movies, a road trip, you can really make it your own and you actually only get money from it which you are not obligated to do anything with.
Post # 4
How about setting up a smal traditional registry with the things you would need/ actually use. Sounds like it would Be a small list, so the remainder may actually gift you money which you can keep for a honeymoon when you get the chance
Post # 5
No, don’t set up a registry, small or big, and don’t ask for donations.
simply say “having you there will be more than enough”. if someone really wants to give you something, they’ll either pick something or give you money.
it is NOT necessary to register or ask for anything
Post # 6
@bebero: Yes. This. Please.
I don’t understand why so many Bees think brides should just set up a registry to appease everyone else. Bride after bride has said, “I don’t want a registry” “We don’t need anything.” If you don’t want anything, then don’t register. If you don’t feel right about registering for charity, then don’t.
Just tell people you don’t need anything. Sure, some people will buy you random gifts that you don’t need/want, but you can deal with those as they come. Sell them, return them, trash them. People might give you money, which you can then donate.
Post # 7
@RainStorm: I would tell people who ask exactly what you’ve said here. “We have each lived on our own and have too much stuff. We’re actually downsizing to move in together! We won’t be going on a honeymoon since FI is in medical treatment.” Older guests will most likely then give you cash, which everyone can use. 😉
Post # 8
@RainStorm: make a registry that includes gift cards, and items that will need replacing a few times a year (ie. shower curtains, dish towels, soap dispensers, things of that nature). That way people can give you tangible things besides asparagus dishes and picture frames.
Post # 9
The reason why some suggest still doing a small registry even if you just want cash is that some will insist on buying physical gifts. In that case you want something you can actually use not the dancing gorilla lamp…
Make a small registry of things you can use — replacement towels or sheets, etc. — things to replace what you have now so it doesn’t add to what you are taking with you. People will get the hint when they see a small registry that you don’t need much.
Do not do a honeyfund or anything that remotely asks for cash, It is rude and misleading to your guests.
Also don’t mention guests anywhere. If someone asks you, then you can say, “we are actually trying to downsize so we don’t need much at this time” and leave it there.
Post # 10
id do a registry for a down payment on a house or if u already own one maybe to go towards repsirs or something…
Post # 11
@classyashley: That’s it exactly! Some people want to give a physical gift.
Thank you everyone for your responses. They have helped me organise my thoughts.
Bearing in mind that I live in a culture where gift registries are ALWAYS sent out with wedding invitations, and the need of some people to give a physical gift, I think I will try to make a short gift list (like some of you suggested – items that will need replacing on a regular basis). And then alongside that suggest a charity donation if they wish.
Post # 12
I would just do a very small registry of whatver few things you might want/need/you think would be nice to get for your wedding and leave it at that. Everyone else will either do cash/gift cards which you can donate afterward if you see fit 🙂
Post # 13
Maybe upgrade and get nicer versions of things you already have, like kitchen appliances, towels, or sheets?
Post # 14
Just don’t make a registry anywhere. People will get the hint.