Post # 1
After a couple of heart-to-hearts, I’ve been doing really good with this whole “waiting” thing. I am slowly starting to prepare myself for a wedding next summer, which we once again agreed on last week. I’ve been looking into venues and ideas on my own, leaving BF alone and not pressured with the idea. BF told me that he saw my “hint” of the rings I would like left on his computer, and then we looked at some together. No idea of if he’s checked it out on his own again since or anything.
But something I read the other day has really instigated this new insecurity. I read a lot of people mentioning the “engagement chicken” so I took a look our of curiosity to see what it was. When I read that it was a meal you’re supposed to make your boyfriend to make him realize that you are wife material and therefore want to marry you, I though, “Psh, I’ve been doing this for years.” But then I thought… wait. Maybe I don’t make elaborate meals like this enough. And since I’ve joined the gym and am starting school, I barely have time to cook anymore. Now my mind is constantly spinning with, “what am I going to make for dinner? What will impress him? What if he hates it??” Tonight, I made a dinner that was NOT a big hit with BF. And he tried to pretend that he liked it, which was nice…but I could tell he didn’t.
Now, I am sitting alone in our bedroom thinking to myself that he’s never going to marry me because he will starve if he does. Oh, being a woman is fun…
Post # 3
oh honey- you will be alright! *hugs*
Post # 4
Aw I am the worst cook ever and FI doesnt care! He does all the cooking. While I was waiting I had my period of laying the pressure on but eventually I just stopped and quietly waited for it to happen and it did eventually not as quickly as I had wanted but I now have everything I wanted…. Be patient and if it is meant to happen it will!
Post # 5
Haha, don’t do ittt!!! I did that (not for engagement purposes, but because I LOVE eating food and I like it more than the gym) and needless to say I got really fat.
Funny Story:SO always insisted that he didn’t like Beef stroganoff, but I like it and insisted he would like it if he tried it, since he hadn’t had it in so long. Well I made it and I thought it was lovely, but he didn’t like it. 😛 He ate like…half a plate and said it was good and then I had to make him mac n cheese 2 hours later.
<edit> moral of the story: we’re still dating, even though I MADE him eat something I KNEW he probably wouldn’t like. So dont’ worry about it! </edit>
But in case you still want to cook (because i LOVE cooking…) try foodgawker.com! You can find a recipe for like…anything on there. AND there’s pictures. <3 pictures of food.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies 🙂 I’m trying to sort out why I’m getting so upset over this. I think the main culprit might be my hormones! But, also because when we talked recently he said that his only hesitation is the financial aspect, and otherwise he is ready and secure in our relationship to get married. I said I didn’t want him to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with and I didn’t want him to have seconds thoughts about getting married. He said that no, it’s just about actually buying the ring.
Well, the ring we decided on is less than $700, and last night when I helped him set up his online banking stuff… let’s just say he has WAY WAY WAY more than that saved up. Which in reality, I knew… I knew that he had a really solid amount of money saved up. And short of a house, which we know we are not ready to buy for at least 2 more years, I don’t know what he would be using that money for that he would hesitate to buy a ring first.
I’m not gonna tell the guy how to spend his money, of course. And especially now that we live together, I’m glad he is so good about saving and managing his money. But it’s just that I know someone who went to great lengths to make sure he got his student loan refund in time so that he could buy his girlfriend a ring and propose on their anniversary. And I keep thinking about that. (Our anniversary is also 9 months away, so I REALLY hope that’s not what he’s waiting for.)
I just feel like if he really wanted it, and he was really sure, he’d do anything to make it happen. He’s that kind of guy. So, this makes me feel like something else is stopping him, and I don’t know what.
Also… he always calls me his soul mate and talks about “forever” and things like that. We were out the other day, and I said something to him and he just stopped and looked at me with this amazing look and said, “I love you so much. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to meet you. You are my soul mate.” Then he went on for a few minutes about how it was fate that we met, etc. I think so too…so what’s the hold up, buddy?!
Post # 7
My ex MIL was a stay at home mom/wife who liked to try various recipes- from Good Housekeeping/Redbook/Readers Digest etc. She would try them and my FIL would say” We should keep that” or “dont believe we need to keep that recipe”
He ws aware of her feelings, appreciated her efforts to be creative and they were married almost 60 years before he pased away.
Its all about trying, being appreciated, and being polite.- imo
Post # 8
You say you agreed to get married in Summer 2012, but did you talk about when you want to get engaged?
Post # 9
@pisces36:I just feel like if he really wanted it, and he was really sure, he’d do anything to make it happen.
I have had that EXACT thought: when you want something you make it happen, why won’t you make proposing happen? I wish I could give you some brilliant advice that would respond to that, but I haven’t figured it out myself yet 😛
All I can say is that no one (unless they are a horrible and manipulative person) says you’re they’re soulmate, etc etc unless it’s true, and I’m sure your SO isn’t a horrible person, so I think you should take that at face value. To me if he’s saying those things it shows that he is at the very least aware that the two of you will be together for the long haul, and it may just be more an issue of nailing down specifics…
Post # 10
@EleanorRigby: We’ve talked about it in a few different ways, a few different times. I told him that I wanted to be engaged for at least a year and a half before we got married (when we decided on 2012, and I’ve said this other times too). I also told him that although I originally wanted to be engaged before we moved in together, I sort of changed my mind on that (because I reaaaallly wanted to move out of my parents’ house…haha) but that I still would like to be engaged SOON after we moved in because otherwise we might become stagnant like some other couples we’ve known. I also told him that I thought it would be 2010, and he saw that I was sad and disapointed that it wasn’t. He said definitely 2011 and I asked if it would be early or late in the year… he said “I don’t know, can’t I just surprise you?”