Post # 1
We are going on a cruise in september and getting married on an island but we wanted to get married in the u.s. first to avoid all the legal issues of getting married in another country.
We invited all our families to come with us on the cruise – however my parents are the only ones coming. His parents have more means to come than mine (who are going through a divorce) but they are not coming.
His parents do have some health issues (she’s on oxygen and he is bipolar) but his mom was still wanting to come, but his dad said no because he is scared.
Instead they want to come with us to the courthouse when we legally get married here in town. My finance said they could without really discussing it with me because he felt sorry for his mom. While I LOVE his mom and understand why he said they could – this was supposed to be just between us and the island was supposed to be the “actually wedding with the white dress” so our family could celebrate with us.
I am trying to understand – I know its the bipolar but I still don’t want them to come to the courthouse. It was supposed to be the fun romantic one (I always wanted to elope) And his father stresses him out majorly so I know if he come it will stress my finance out.
Any suggestions? And how would I tell them we wanted it to be just us?
Post # 3
@shay90: Go to the courthouse and don’t tell them the date or time.
Post # 4
If he wants his parents there to celebrate, I would let him have them there. They have issues that do not allow for them to go on the cruise – I would feel very upset if I wanted my parents at the courthouse becuase of this reason and you would not let me. It’s got to be hard enough on him as it is…
Post # 5
Honestly, I think it’s faaar more important that your FI’s parents are there to celebrate. I know you’d prefer something just the two of you, but think of how much it would mean to your FI.
Post # 6
@MrsWBS: Agreed. I would have loved to have had just one wedding, but doing that would have meant excluding my husbands whole family (they needed to wait until it wasn’t high season so they could afford to travel to the USA). Our wedding wasn’t complete until they were there.
Post # 7
It’s one thing if they just didn’t want to go on the cruise to go to the wedding, but it sounds like they have some real serious and legit reasons that they can’t go. I would let them attend the courthouse wedding so they can still be apart of their son’s big day.
Post # 9
I would say let them go to the courthouse…they have every right to celebrate their son’s wedding in whatever way they can. Though I’m a bit confused on the bipolar thing…my brother has bipolar and it doesn’t seem like something that would prevent him from going on a trip like that. He just takes meds, but when he forgets to, its just that he has mood swings—nothing that would prevent him from going on a cruise. Who knows, maybe it affects people in vastly different ways?
Post # 10
@honeybeelove: Bipolar can correlate with fears and fixations, and generally make for a difficult personality when uncontrolled because it can affect both cognition and emotion, depending on the case. Sounds like your brother may be high-functioning, and his meds work well, but other types struggle with things that present little or no challenge to most people.
I say your FI’s parents belong at the wedding. Since they can’t make the cruise, and for very legitimate reasons, they should be welcome at the courthouse. Besides, if your FI’s dad stresses him out, wouldn’t it be better if he was with you for a day over the entire length of a cruise?
Post # 11
@shay90: Thank you for all your suggestions.My fiance doesn’t really want his parents there – he just doesn’t think its fair to his mom that his dad said she couldn’t go (even without him). We called the cruise line and they are very accommodating to people that are on oxygen and she believes that she would be fine going. So if it were up to her she’d go. We offered to pay for her to come but his dad doesn’t want to be left alone for four days.
According to my fiance the bipolar is affecting his ability to make decisions and to charge the $700 on a $20,000 limit credit (that’s paid off).
We even offered to pay for her to come but his dad doesn’t want to be left alone for four days.
Post # 12
@dancindiva: Thanks for that info! I have only witnessed my brother with bipolar, so I wasn’t sure how others were affected. I feel bad for OP’s FFIL, but glad that my brother doesn’t have to struggle in the same way.