Getting married at the same time as a sibling help

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I double check with my brother on wedding planning stuff?
    Yes. He got engaged first and you shouldn't steal his thunder. : (5 votes)
    6 %
    Yes, but only the big stuff like dates. : (57 votes)
    71 %
    No. Don't do anything that you know he's always wanted to do, but you don't have to ask about things : (4 votes)
    5 %
    No. Since he can't give you specifics, just plan the wedding you want. : (12 votes)
    15 %
    Other, explained in the comments. : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    2787 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Nostawyn:  I say plan and let him know what’s happening, the big stuff like dates and maybe location you can check first…other then that you don’t need to ask him.

    Post # 4
    Member
    124 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would definitely discuss the dates since you said they have more logistical issues. Other details don’t really matter but you should 100% have a conversation with him to work out your respective dates to make things easier for everyone involved. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    9529 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I said only big stuff like dates, and I really really mean only dates. And maybe location (if you’re both doing destination, if would be nice ot your family to give a bigger cushion, if you’re both local, not as big a deal). My sister got enaged after me and ended up getting married six weeks before me. We already had a date when she got engaged and I asked that she not have her wedding the same weekend as mine and our parents asked for a month buffer. That was the only thing we purposefully consulted each other about. Just due to personal taste and circumstances our weddings were very very different, which was nice, but we didn’t clear colors or dresses or food or anything with each other. But we did gab about wedding stuff when we got together, but that was just fun talk not getting permission or anything like that. It can be a really good and fun experience to plan a wedding at the same time as a sibling. Just be very careful not to let yourself think of your wedding as a competition. But I think that’s true of wedding planning in general, not just with a sibling.

    Post # 7
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My brother is getting married a month before me. I agree with coordinating with him on date and venue, but apart from that I wouldn’t worry about it at all.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6048 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’d talk to my brother’s FI.  My brothers never know wtf is going on until they get information from their now wives.   See if she has dates and other info.  It would be a good way to bond with your future sister in law too.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Unless your Zeus, there is no thunder to be stolen. Plan your wedding, and if she picks the same things you do, great. Now you can split costs and do even more.

    Post # 11
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’m going through the same situation now. My sister and I are both planning weddings right now. She got engaged on New Year’s Eve last year and has the wedding planned for September this coming year. My FI proposed just a few weeks ago and we’ve always wanted a shorter engagement (like six months). My sister and I had talked about this possibility a long time ago and I’ll actually be getting married before her!

    She understands that the timing just worked out this way and I’m leaving 3 months between our weddings so family members that need to travel don’t have to travel too much all at once. It’s also nice so that I can help with her wedding (I’m MOH) after mine finishes since hers will be very DIY. 

    Our plan is to simply keep in touch about our plans and what’s going on. (She has a smores bar already planned, so I won’t do that, etc.)

    Post # 12
    Member
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    What do you WANT to do? I’m not sure there is a universally right or wrong answer to your question. Do you want to keep on touch with your brother and his FI about wedding stuff? Do they want to keep in touch with you? IMO, it would be smart to sit down with them, squee over how excited you are that there will be 2 awesome excuses to party down, and give them a quick overview of what you are thinking (overall vibe, indoor/outdoor, colors, your “must haves”) and let them know that you do want their input/you’d kinda like to plan on your own and hope they understand. When you get it out in the open you will finally be able to stop guessing about how ya’ll should proceed from this point forward.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4877 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Nostawyn:  I wouldn’t plan around them totally, but I would definitely call him up and just say “hey bro, have you guys made any wedding plans yet? I know you’re waiting on a promotion at work, but FI and I are ready to set our date, and want to make sure we’re not overlapping each other. We’ve decided on xxx, and need to be able to start telling people ASAP so FI’s family has time to start planning”. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    You really only have to discuss dates so the two weddings don’t conflict.  Everything else, colors, venues, themes, etc. don’t need to be discussed.  It’s your wedding!  You can do whatever you want.  I certainly never would change my wedding colors just because my brother asked me to.  You have already been very accommodating.  I don’t think you have to do anything else, especially considering that your brother still hasn’t made up his mind about a lot of stuff.  He can’t call dibs on everything because he thinks he may like to do it too.

    Post # 15
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Since you need to set a firm date ASAP, I would book your date as fast as humanly possible and then tell them what you decided! So the ball will be in their court.

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