Post # 1
My brother’s FI proposed the Saturday before their 2nd anniversary and I was thrilled for them. Two weeks later, my FI proposed to me. We’d been talking about getting engaged for some time, and I’d even discussed with my brother that I knew it was coming soon-ish before either of our fiances proposed. The thing is, I don’t want to step on my brother’s toes, and I definitely don’t want to be the sister who jumped in and stole his thunder, but he and his FI have a few more logistical issues than my FI and I have. I’m already doing a lot of our planning, and I’m trying to take my brother’s wedding into account, but it’s hard because he can’t give any definites… Should I just plan my wedding and let him know what’s going on, or should I double check with him about stuff (already did dates and colors, and had to change both…)?
Post # 3
@Nostawyn: I say plan and let him know what’s happening, the big stuff like dates and maybe location you can check first…other then that you don’t need to ask him.
Post # 4
I would definitely discuss the dates since you said they have more logistical issues. Other details don’t really matter but you should 100% have a conversation with him to work out your respective dates to make things easier for everyone involved.
Post # 5
I said only big stuff like dates, and I really really mean only dates. And maybe location (if you’re both doing destination, if would be nice ot your family to give a bigger cushion, if you’re both local, not as big a deal). My sister got enaged after me and ended up getting married six weeks before me. We already had a date when she got engaged and I asked that she not have her wedding the same weekend as mine and our parents asked for a month buffer. That was the only thing we purposefully consulted each other about. Just due to personal taste and circumstances our weddings were very very different, which was nice, but we didn’t clear colors or dresses or food or anything with each other. But we did gab about wedding stuff when we got together, but that was just fun talk not getting permission or anything like that. It can be a really good and fun experience to plan a wedding at the same time as a sibling. Just be very careful not to let yourself think of your wedding as a competition. But I think that’s true of wedding planning in general, not just with a sibling.
Post # 6
@flapperphilosopher: Their logistical issues are actually stopping them from setting a date right now, but ours mean that we need one as far out as possible. They mentioned trying for November since it’ll be their anniversary, and so my FI and I settled on December because we were thinking Nov/Dec. We need to be able to give my FI’s overseas family a date ASAP, but my brother’s FI is up for promotion at work and this will affect their ability to have a definite vacation week for their honeymoon.
@JenGirl: I think my brother may actually be worried that I’m going to be competive about wedding planning, because I’m a very competive person. But this is like the one thing that I don’t want to compete over! I’m sure his wedding will be nicer than mine, because his FI has much more expensive taste. My FI is just like “let’s have a nice, unstressful party.” My brother’s FI is like “Chateaux Elan! Or XXXX gorgeous place near Birmingham!” And besides, I want my wedding to be my wedding and so it won’t be super fancy (although I had liked the idea of similar colors because my college student little sister would only need one dress, but I nixed that since he didn’t like it).
Post # 7
My brother is getting married a month before me. I agree with coordinating with him on date and venue, but apart from that I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
Post # 8
I’d talk to my brother’s FI. My brothers never know wtf is going on until they get information from their now wives. See if she has dates and other info. It would be a good way to bond with your future sister in law too.
Post # 9
@HisIrishPrincess: She’s a he, actually, and believe me when I say my brother will be doing all of the planning! His FI is the one with fancier tastes, but my brother is the one who likes to make lists and plan thing. So the FI will have definite say in the venue and stuff, but my brother will be in charge of making it all happen. I have been keeping in touch with my brother’s FI to make sure that my brother isn’t keeping important stuff to himself, but for the most part it will be my brother who is ‘in charge’.
Post # 10
Unless your Zeus, there is no thunder to be stolen. Plan your wedding, and if she picks the same things you do, great. Now you can split costs and do even more.
Post # 11
I’m going through the same situation now. My sister and I are both planning weddings right now. She got engaged on New Year’s Eve last year and has the wedding planned for September this coming year. My FI proposed just a few weeks ago and we’ve always wanted a shorter engagement (like six months). My sister and I had talked about this possibility a long time ago and I’ll actually be getting married before her!
She understands that the timing just worked out this way and I’m leaving 3 months between our weddings so family members that need to travel don’t have to travel too much all at once. It’s also nice so that I can help with her wedding (I’m MOH) after mine finishes since hers will be very DIY.
Our plan is to simply keep in touch about our plans and what’s going on. (She has a smores bar already planned, so I won’t do that, etc.)
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
What do you WANT to do? I’m not sure there is a universally right or wrong answer to your question. Do you want to keep on touch with your brother and his FI about wedding stuff? Do they want to keep in touch with you? IMO, it would be smart to sit down with them, squee over how excited you are that there will be 2 awesome excuses to party down, and give them a quick overview of what you are thinking (overall vibe, indoor/outdoor, colors, your “must haves”) and let them know that you do want their input/you’d kinda like to plan on your own and hope they understand. When you get it out in the open you will finally be able to stop guessing about how ya’ll should proceed from this point forward.
Post # 13
@Nostawyn: I wouldn’t plan around them totally, but I would definitely call him up and just say “hey bro, have you guys made any wedding plans yet? I know you’re waiting on a promotion at work, but FI and I are ready to set our date, and want to make sure we’re not overlapping each other. We’ve decided on xxx, and need to be able to start telling people ASAP so FI’s family has time to start planning”.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
You really only have to discuss dates so the two weddings don’t conflict. Everything else, colors, venues, themes, etc. don’t need to be discussed. It’s your wedding! You can do whatever you want. I certainly never would change my wedding colors just because my brother asked me to. You have already been very accommodating. I don’t think you have to do anything else, especially considering that your brother still hasn’t made up his mind about a lot of stuff. He can’t call dibs on everything because he thinks he may like to do it too.
Post # 15
Since you need to set a firm date ASAP, I would book your date as fast as humanly possible and then tell them what you decided! So the ball will be in their court.
Post # 16
@Christy42213: The colors thing I don’t mind really. I had always wanted purple & gray because it would look good on other people, not because it’s my favorite color. His favorite color is purple. I thought “awesome! sis will only need to buy one dress!” and he said “Well… we want our own colors so maybe we’ll do something different…” I know purple is his favorite color, so I opted to change mine to navy & green (which works well with our prospective venue). He wasn’t unreasonable enough to ask me change my colors. I changed them because I knew it would matter to him.