Getting married before finishing school… what do you think?

posted 2 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Bunni91: People should do what’s right for them. However, as someone who has seen many people get married before 25 (and subsequently divorced), I’m glad I didn’t. 

I wouldn’t have wanted to be in a long distance marriage or compromised my educational goals for a marriage in my early 20s, so I’m glad I didn’t get married. 

One of my girlfriends gave up a full tuition scholarship to go to the same college as her high school boyfriend. They got married in college. As far as I know, they are still married though her compromises for their relationship has affected her career path (darn glass ceiling) and has resulted in a boob job. 

At the end of the day, her choices, her life and it doesn’t affect me. Same thing with people who get married young and divorced. 

Post # 3
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wouldnt recomend it. I had a few classmates who got married durring a crazy semester and honestly, they have regreted it because they said they couldnt fully enjoy their experience as a bride while under all the school pressure. they kind of rushed through decisions because they did not have time to figure out the little details. I decided to wait untill i finsihed and im glad I have. But it really depends on what you want. If you just want to get married and not care about the details then go for it. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  znowbird22.
Post # 4
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think before finishing undergrad is very difficult.  I only know one person who did that and they got divorced a few years later.  I think they were so young and had so much stress with school, having a social life and being involved with clubs/activities on campus (so important for an undergraduate) and building their life together that they didn’t take time to continue working on their relationship and it fell apart.  However, I think it is perfectly fine to get married while doing a graduate degree.  I will be doing that myself (I’m 26 and I still have about another year of my PhD)- I just think you are older then and more able to juggle more things, and generally there are less classes and more independant work, and you can plan that around your life (it is a TON of work.. just a bit more flexible).  Lots of people are married in graduate school and even have their own families, so there really isn’t any pressure to spend a lot of time physically on campus.  And these days more and more people are pursuing advanced degrees and you can’t really expect people to wait until their 30s to get married JUST because of school.  

Post # 5
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club

I dont think there is any right or wrong path, what works for one might not work for the other. But personally I feel like getting married while in college can pose a challenge to both the education and the marriage.

I think it becomes more difficult to finish school when you have more responsibilites on your plate. Wedding planning, house hunting, nurturing your marriage, cooking for your husband, having children, etc…all of these things will compete for your attention while you are trying to finish your degree.

Even if you can do it all, the late nights of studying and cramming for exams can take a toll on your marriage too. As a newlywed it is so important to nurture your marriage and begin to build your home together and your course load may interfere.

I moved in with my FI in my last semester of my undergrad. I had never lived outside of my parents’ home and FI really picked up the slack for me. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. was difficult while working and going to school full time and FI took care of it all. He went to bed every night alone while I stayed up late to study. I am lucky to have him, but I would be lying if I said it didnt strain our relationship a bit. 

As far as a Masters, I think that is dependent on the career you plan to pursue. If you do decide to get your masters I would avoid taking a break in between, it is so easy for life to get in the way.

Post # 6
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Bunni91:  I think as long as you’re both financially independent and feel ready to be married, it can be done.

Post # 7
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Bunni91:  I think it depends on your relationship and your goals for after. My DH and I met at 20/21 (I had just finished my Associates, was working on Bachelor’s at the time). I personally wanted to be finished with all of my schooling before getting married and that’s what happened. I finished my Master’s July 2013 and we married Dec. 2013 (ETA: we were both 25 at our wedding). My DH is slowly working through school while managing a business so he is only partially completed with his Bachelor’s. You guys do whatever is best for you, but I think school adds a lot of stress while trying to enjoy that time in your life. I like that we are newly married and are just working, but that doesn’t work for everyone!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  KatiePi.
Post # 8
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Bunni91:  when i was young i thought this but not anymore. i agree with OP, whatever you feel is right for you. follow your heart. you never know what life will throw at you

Post # 9
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

The only thing I’d be concerNed with is the stress (including financially) of planning a wedding & finishing school, but it can be done. 

Post # 10
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was planning on getting married after finishing college, but we ended up changing our minds. We knew we would be together so we figured what was the difference between having a year and a half engagement or having a short engagement and starting our married lives together. It will end up saving us a lot of money so that is a plus as well. (Before we were both paying rent.) I have heard the longer your engagement the more money you end up paying for it… which actually seems to be about right in my case. We had everything ready to go in about 2 months now it is just a waiting game and you just get more ideas to add in which adds more money. I think whatever you feel in your gut and heart is right is the path you should follow rather then a set of “rules.” I ended up being home for Christmas and got a ton of planning done then so that was very helpful, because there are definitely times in college that are too stressful to add in wedding planning! 

Post # 11
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Bunni91:  As an engaged college student myself, I personally could not imagine getting married before I was done with school. Too much stress with course work and wedding planning. One of my friends from school is getting married and she missed a few classes because of wedding planning. My FH and I have been together nearly 5 years, and we both really don’t want to wait, but we know that planning a wedding right now would not be the wisest decision for us. We are going to get married after I graduate with my bachelors degree, so I see no reason on waiting until after grad school as well especially since going to grad school is not a decision I have made 100% still…. I am by no means saying you should wait, I have no idea what you are like and if you are great at multi-tasking I say go for it. As for me, I have enough trouble finding time for school as it is while working and trying to maintain some sort of social life. Hope this helps and I don’t seem pushy about my opinions… Sorry if I do! 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

Bunni91:  I have seen friends who have gotten married before graduating from their studies and they have coped fine, however, they have had a lot of extra pressure and stress on them in regards to wedding planning and household expectations. Personally I feel that studying is an important part of a person’s life if they don’t go straight into the workforce, so it is probably more beneficial to graduate from your major studies first and get married afterwards.

Post # 13
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

What’s the rush? You are still young. Why not just wait the extra year (or whatever it may be) to let yourself focus on college, and THEN focus on the wedding and being married.

Is there a reason that you wish to get married earlier rather than later(finacial, insurance, etc.)?

Post # 14
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t mean to be pushy about mine either. There are definitely pros and cons of both sides I think. The other side for me was why wait?… and I couldn’t really answer that question. As a college student/athlete I have found time for everything for the wedding and still maintained a 4.0 as well. So as far as the school argument that has been fine for me.. stressful at times? Sure.. but when isn’t school stressful. Job searches are stressful and so is house hunting but people still plan through these events as well. You really just have to think about YOU. What is best for YOUR relationship. If the thought of it stresses you out… then consider waiting. If it doesn’t, then take an opportunity and just keep working hard!

Post # 15
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It depends on the people getting married.

FH and I both just turned 22, he graduated college but I have 1 more year of university, and we are getting married in 16 days.<br /><br />But, we have been together for 8 years, living together for 5. We are completely independent and have been engaged for 3 years. So for us, it was time. I never had any real issues with going to school, working and planning our wedding only with having time to make wedding related appointments (But the wedding is also in a different city, which is what really made it difficult).

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