(Closed) Getting married before the ‘wedding’?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I feel like if you get married an entire year before your reception, then it’s definitely not a “wedding” anymore.  Doesn’t mean it’s not a fun vow renewal or whatever else, but if you want your friends and family to celebrate your marriage, well that will be happening during the entire year that you’ve already been married.  So think carefully about what you want to do.  Good luck either way.

Post # 5
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

My husband and I were legally married a year and a half before our actual wedding. Mostly the reason was because my visa was almost up. We got married at the courthouse two days after he asked me to marry him when I found out about my visa.

We had also originally planned on having a Hindu wedding ceremony as well as a “white wedding” (I was never going to have my wedding in a church as I’m Buddhist) with an officiant and the ring exchange, the latter isn’t typically in Hindu ceremonies.

Since we had the courthouse wedding we decided lets cut the costs of having two weddings and just have the one big Indian wedding.

I have to say though there was a little backlash with family members and friends who were in Australia or England who wanted to be there but it was such short notice that it wasn’t possible. Even my parents and sister weren’t there but gave their blessings to us.

I think its something you should talk to your parents and family about to make sure no one is going to be hurt or upset. 

 

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t. You sound like you really want a wedding. And sorry, but it’s really not a wedding if you’re already married! I know some girls end up doing this because of extenuating circumstances, but it doesn’t really sound like that’s what is going on here. Why not just wait?

Post # 8
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You could still do it the same day………just quickly pop down to the registrars on the morning of the wedding…..or maybe even the day before…..

then at the wedding if you feel like you need to explain to your guests why the service was a little bit different,  just tell them the problems you had,  but that you didnt have the time to tell all of your guests about the changes.

If you do it a year before the actual wedding,  your guests might feel a bit cheated out of a wedding,   and some may not come.  but if it was only a day before….or the morning of the actual wedding, they wont have time to decline the invitation.   

Post # 10
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Let the bashing begin because I did this. We were married last August in a private ceremony with our immediate family only on an island. This year we are having a formal elaborate wedding for all of our friends and family. We have informed all of our friends and family that we are already married. The formal wedding will be exactly that, a wedding, with a white gown and vows exchanged again. It may seem odd but there were several reasons for this decision: the date we wanted to get married ( my grandparents anniversary) fell on a saturday this year- we were married on the same date last year but it was a Friday, Ileft my job at the time and didn’t think I would have insurance, my grandmother would croak if we lived together without being married, and then I ended up getting a job at a Christian school so living with my husband without being married would have been a BIG no no.

Personally I think this is the best way. I was able to focus on my commitment to my husband during the first wedding and on the hoopla during the prep of this wedding. There was no cold feet during the first one and I have managed to keep my bridzilla moments under control for the second one.

Whatever you decide to do have a thick skin because no matter what you do people will always judge you. Do what is best for you and your soon to be hubby cause thats all that matters.

Best of luck!

Post # 11
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m just curious… you’re over a year away from the wedding… why dont you think you can find an officiant?  I know you’re in Harrisburg, but you’re on the east coast- if you cant find one in your city, look at other cities, and just consider paying travel expenses.  I think getting married before is fine- if its what you want, I just wonder, why wait the year.  Why not just throw together a fast and furious wedding for this year?  It would be a little tough, but I’m sure it’s been done before.  Then you can get married and celebrate when you want.  Also, is there something special about July 23?  If you wanted to do something sooner, change the date to this fall. 

Post # 12
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Well, you could go get married and just not TELL anyone.

That way, everyone will think the wedding IS the real deal.  

Just an idea. 😉

Post # 13
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Do whatever works best for you two and your families.  If getting married now makes it easier for you to buy a house and you value that, do it.  If you think most of your guests would be unhappy with it and you’re not comfortable with that, then hold off.  But I really question whether you should value the opinions of guests who would not support you in your needs as a couple.  IMO, guests can choose to come or not come.  You don’t have to cater to their needs!

Post # 14
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

If it’s the same day, then I don’t think anyone will really know y’all are already married. Plus, it being the same day is celebration enough to go through the motions of a ceremony, and celebrate at the reception later 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know someone who got married to her fiance back in September for insurance reasons and their “wedding” is this Saturday and she’s getting a lot of flak from family members who don’t want to make the drive to the wedding (it’s semi destination; a couple hour drive for both sides of their families to split the distance) because they’re already married and they don’t see the point; people are mad they weren’t invited to the marriage ceremony at the courthouse back in September so they don’t want to come to the wedding this weekend because they weren’t “important” enough to invite first time around.

If it’s what you want to do, then do it, but in my experience, from reading on here and what my friend is going through, people tend to take your wedding a lot less seriously if they know you’re already married. It’s just a party at that point to them, and they don’t make as much of an effort to come or treat it with as much reverence as they would a wedding ceremony. Just my two cents. 

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