Getting married but not going to live together?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you ever continue living apart even after marriage?
    Yes, if there a VERY significant reason why we couldn't move in together straight away. : (44 votes)
    42 %
    Yes, only for a very short period of time. : (14 votes)
    13 %
    Yes, for an extended period period time if need be. : (6 votes)
    6 %
    Never! : (41 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    We may have to for a year or two. Some things are just outside your control when it comes to training and employment in various fields.

    Post # 3
    Member
    10495 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    We lived together before we were married, lived separately for a while after marriage, although we were together on the weekends and have been living together for quite a while.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4918 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    We had to live in separate houses for a short time after the wedding– no big deal. Worked out fine.

    Post # 5
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    We lived together before marriage and I got a job in another state two months before the wedding.   I moved, flew back for the wedding, and then went back to the other state after the honeymoon. We lived separately, driving 6 hours to each other on the weekends for one year before deciding we’d had enough of that crap.  🙂  The original plan was that he would move to the new state with me, but his boss offered him a better position to encourage him to stay. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    We want to live together as soon as possible and for sure want to buy our house before our wedding. For me it’s hard enough being engaged and living separately but it’s something we need to do for financial reasons right now and it will enable us to buy a house with a very good downpayment so I know it’s the smart choice. Being married and not living together would be so difficult but if there was a good reason I would be able to do it for a short period of time I think. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    This will be happening to us.

    SO & I are both South African. We met in a foreign country we were both deployed to. We stayed together for almost 4 years. SO has returned back home 3 weeks ago after completing his term. I’m left behind with our son. I’m flying home in 2 weeks time for the wedding & will return 2 weeks after the wedding leaving SO behind. I’m supposed to complete my term in June 2015. So we’ll be married and living separately in different countries (almost 6 hrs flight between us) until then. We have already made a plan to visit one another every 3 months though.  Hopefully it’ll work out. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3420 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    We already live together and will continue to after the wedding. I don’t think there is any right or wrong way, but I think it makes it easier to bond with your spouse if you spend more one on one time with them. I would imagine living seperately could sometimes put a strain on the relationship depending on the situation.

    Post # 9
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    My spouse and I were married in July and currently living in different countries (as we were for a year before we were married). I’ll be in my current country another year before moving back with him next summer. It’s work related on both our parts, but when we decided we wanted to be married to each we didn’t want to wait for work to change… we just wanted to be married! It’s a wonderful feeling now knowng that even though we’re far apart, he’s my husband, and especially if anything were to happen to either of us we’re in a better position to care for each other. Don’t get me wrong- living in a long distance relationship/marriage sucks and I can’t wait for it to be over, but making it an LDM instead of just an LDR was the right move for us. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    5839 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

     

    Aqua59:  Married, living separatly is a trend. I think the NYT did an article in the past few years. My Aunt has been married 20+ years and they live about 1 mile apart in separate houses. They tried living together early in their marriage, but they both had kids from other marriages and it just wasnt working. So they lived separately. After the kids left, it just worked for them. They spend most eveings/dinner together, then he goes home to get to sleep early. And spend many weekends away in their cabin.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Aqua59:  

    No I wouldn’t. It may work for some couples but not for us. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    DH and I lived together for 5 years before marriage and continue to live together. The only situation I would consider living apart is if for some reason our jobs required us to be long distance for a period of time. I wouldn’t intentionally purchase another property/residence to live apart. 

    But hey, whatever works for others is fine with me. Their lives, their choices. Personally, I am far too frugal to justify two residences if it isn’t necessary. 🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    6614 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I wouldn’t live apart unless it was short-term and work-related. And during the living apart time, I’d be finding a way to be together. If a couple is living apart long term, I wonder about the compatibility. What about if they had children? 

    Post # 14
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee

    We live together, and did 2 years before the wedding. I recently met a couple that dont and don’t plan too. Seemed to strange to me, but after they explained it, I get it. Whatever works per couple is what works. I think it’s a neat way to always keep “dating” and keep things fresh. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    Aqua59:  I wouldn’t want to, but if life dictated it had to happen for things beyond my control, I would do what I had to. One of my closest friends lost her house in Sandy right before her wedding. She and her FI were displaced, first staying with his family and then with hers. About five months after they got married, to move into their new home (and new city), they ended up living apart for a couple of months. Now they are happily back in the same city, and under the same roof.

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