(Closed) Getting married far away and bad reactions – can anyone relate?

posted 9 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Do your friends feel like you’re abandoning them? They might figure that this is the end of being able to spend time with you, like you’re giving up your life for your FI. Marrying a man from another continent is bound to cause some of these feelings and everyone is going to expect you to travel throughout your life. To your friends, they see you having your real wedding in NZ as doing things your FI’s way and at least in your post it sounds like your reception at home is no big deal.

I would be a little upset if a close friend was having a wedding in a location I just couldn’t possibly make it to, but I think I could keep my comments in check. Even so, you might find it worthwhile to dress up your hometown reception just to include those friends who can’t make it to NZ; I know as a friend I’d appreciate that.

Post # 6
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

My cousin had her wedding in a tree in Costa Rica.  It was VERY small, it was beautiful, and it was a surprise to the family.  Some people are bound to make rude comments, but just forget about it.  They don’t know how it sounds to you.  And some people feel very upset or even insulted that you aren’t planning your wedding around them.  It’s a selfish viewpoint, but some people don’t know when they are being selfish.  So just ignore the comments, and try to use them to segue into your plans for your hometown reception!  It won’t matter after the wedding anyway (trust me!).  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am getting flack and we are only getting married in Florida…a measly 2 hour flight!! It’s YOUR wedding and the people that want to be there will find a way, and those who don’t, you probably don’t want them there anyway! Enjoy it and I’m sure it will be beautiful!

Post # 8
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Where are you living after the wedding? If you’re moving away to NZ, I can say it is a very common thing for people to push others away to guard themselves from the pain of losing them. I’ve seen it everywhere from elementary school kinds when the district was changing to adults who’s friends were moving away. I agree that it’s possible that they feel you’re abandoning them and it’s (subconsciously) easier for them to make you an enemy and push you away then admit how much it hurts to be losing you. It sucks, I’ve dealt with and witnessed things like this so many times, and I’m sorry. Maybe just make it clear that even though you’re having the wedding so far away, you really DO want them there and care about them and all.

Post # 9
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I could see people maybe giving you some crap if you just randomly chose to get married in NZ, but the fact that your FI is from there, and your parents AREN’T paying for the wedding, makes me decide that these naysayers are just being rude and insensitive!

Post # 11
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hang in there. We decided to Elope in Costa Rica. After the shock of the family a. not being invited and b. it being far way. They warmed up and started being supportive.

Post # 13
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

The way I see it, this is what’s most tough about weddings — you know, balancing what you want (you already being 2 people, the couple) along with everyone who wants to celebrate with you. So maybe people say, “it’s your day, do what you want” but there really is a balance with that because your day is going to include other people.

I think the reason I responded the way I did initially was because there were so many people who didn’t even bother to attend my wedding, but if they’d shown any kind of interest or comment it would have felt better. Yeah, even if people were saying they didn’t have any interest in coming to Kentucky (maybe in NJ you know how east coast people are about the middle of the country!). If I’d done what I want, I would have gotten married on Friday morning at City Hall with my parents and IL’s and then had a fancy lunch.

Post # 15
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

WDWBride – I’m in the same boat. My FMIL has given us a lot of grief for getting married in FL rather than MD, where we live. My parents aren’t local anymore, and about 75% of our guest list are out of town guests. So we decided to choose a fun place that was inexpensive for our guests to travel, but from the moment we decided to do a destination wedding, she’s been whining (behind our backs) about it. I hear about it from my FSIL or FFIL that she’s upset or wishing that it could be at home, even though they aren’t paying for any part of the wedding. She’s even made it a point to tell my FSIL that when she gets married, it has to be in MD, even though she wants it to be where she grew up in OH. It’s been so frustrating that someone that both the FI and I love is being so passive aggressive and unsupportive about our big day.

That being said, wildstyle, I think it’s awesome you are having your wedding in NZ!! If we could afford it, I would have wanted to get married abroad. It’s totally frustrating and rude that your aunt and any other family members would criticize your wedding choices. I think it’s a great thing you are doing by including your FI’s family in your wedding in such a big way.

I hope things die down for you as you continue planning. It’s tough to just let those comments go, but just be confident that you are doing what’s best for you and your FI on your big day 🙂

Post # 16
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

wildstyle — wow, I feel like we’re in such a similar situation!  We’re getting married in Malaysia since its next to impossible for his family to get visas here, and it would be expensive, etc etc.  We haven’t caught much flak about it, I mean we’ve gotten a few comments like, “a 22 hour plane ride! thats so far!” and yes, it is far. So, there are people who won’t be there. I’m (so far) totally ok with that.  The most important ones will come along.

I am actually having the opposite problem of some not-so close friends who heard about it, assume they are invited and invite themselves and their bf/gf, just because our wedding is a “great excuse” to travel. I personally don’t want to have to worry about food, hotel, and transportation for some people who will only be marginally interested in my wedding, but I can’t figure out how to say, erm, you’re not invited.

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