Post # 1
I was wondering from Bees who may have insight on this what our chances are of being married in one of the Non-Catholic Churches when we aren’t part of their particular religion.
The issue being that my Catholic Church (only one in small town) will not marry us because he cannot produce his baptism documentation to show he was baptized a Catholic – the town where it was done had the Church burn to the ground and all records were destroyed along with it. It really is sad because it is an amazing Church that wouldn’t even need to be decorated.
I feel very nervous contacting other churches in my area and asking if they’ll marry us because we simply are not part of the church. It would be so much cheaper to hold the wedding there as the ceremony and reception can be at the same location and we don’t need to pay the $400 in licencing and ceremony fees to city hall to have someone come out and do it.
Our only other option is my college because I can get a slight discount but it would still be hundreds on top of the $400 just to actually get married when we could at least get the ceremony fee included with the payment to the church.
Post # 3
Could your fiancé not be baptized again in the Church? That seems like a simple enough solution.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Most churches have member/non-member costs for weddings. Mine, for example, charges $600 for members (coordinator, janitorial services, etc.) vs $2,000 for a non-member.
I’m not Catholic, so I may be way off base here, but wouldn’t you have “issues” with the church “recognizing” your wedding if it’s not in a Catholic church?? Might be advisable like MoonlitMagnolia suggested, for your FI to have another baptism.
Post # 5
Can your priest not grant you a dispensation? My FI is not baptised in any religion, and is not converting, but because I am a practising Catholic and we have agreed to raise our children as Catholic, our priest has agreed to marry us in the church anyway. If you sit down with your priest and talk to him about it, is there any way he would agree?
Post # 6
The United Church of Canada is the second largest in Canada, after Catholic. They tend to be fairly liberal about who they will marry, although it depends on the specific church. I don’t know if you would get what you’re looking for from the ceremony.
@rebwana: It becomes a tax issue in Canada. Many will not do this, as it could cause them to lose their charity status if they don’t treat everyone equally.
Post # 7
@JessicaJupiter: My situation is a bit different but I can hopefully give you some insight. I am Catholic in the sense that I’ve done the sacraments up until confirmation, and FI is Presbyterian. Neither of us attend church, like ever .. he sometimes goes on xmas eve with his family but that’s it. However his family has officially been part of a Pres church for his whole life and it’s always been the same husband and wife minister team. I contacted a Catholic church in the city we want to marry in, and they said we had to be registered regularly attending members for at least a year. I was like, well there’s no way I’m gonna regularly attend a church 2 hours away from me, or anywhere for that matter since I’m just not interested. I called his ministers and they were very welcoming. However, FI is a member of that church so I’m not sure how it would work for you, but I recommend checking with a Presbyterian church.
Post # 8
Your fiance needs to speak to someone at the diocese office where he was baptized. Do not just take the word of a parish secretary that he is out of luck. You need to talk to someone higher up.
If the records are truly destroyed, there should be recourse for him by way of getting affadavits from people who were present at the baptism. Are his parents/godparents alive? Or any other relatives who attended the baptism?
Post # 9
I have spoken to them again and they said they would baptize him but he would first need to attend every Sunday for several months first and so would I. They require we both be active members of the Church up until our wedding – they would apparently only be baptizing him within a month before (as if we are trying to scam them or something). But due to his work schedule and the distance of the Church (and lack of transportation) this isn’t practical at all.
I really am not overreligious and don’t often go to Church (I stick to the main holidays when my parents go) because I prefer to pray and worship in privacy rather than in a group of people. In terms of the Church not recognizing our marriage that doesn’t really bother me at all – at the end of the day I just need someone to legally marry us and we’ll handle our own dealing with God if that is how it must be.
We have thoroughly researched getting any information on his baptism and we are still at a dead end. Not one person I have contacted has any records of it and at this point it is more stress than it is worth. The Church refuses to just take his families word for it and insists if he doesn’t have the document that he has to be baptized – which again the process isn’t worth it.
I will be contacting a few other local Churches this year in hopes that one of them is more lenient. Considering we aren’t that large of a community you’d think they wouldn’t be so strict as there are only so many places to be married!
Post # 10
The United Church is very open and welcoming in terms of who they will marry. I know for my home church, they already had two weddings of non-church members for the day I am getting married! The way they do it is if a church member wants to get married on the same day as you, you might have to compromise on the time of your ceremony, but they won’t just give you the boot or anything. I’d definitely give them a shot!
Post # 11
My husband and I got married in an Episcopal/Anglican church. They tend to be relatively lax, so I don’t think you would run into any issues. However, a lot of them do have member vs. non member fees. The church we married in was no charge for members and $600 for non-members.
Post # 12
I went to a Lutheran Church as a kid, and I remember hearing that they had weddings for lots of people who weren’t Lutheran. We are getting married in a United Church, which my fiance belongs to but not me and they welcomed us with open arms. I personally wouldn’t want to get married in a church if they had such a stick up their butt. Honestly, all Christian churches should welcome all Christians. Regardless how much you attend, or what denomination you are.
Post # 13
@JessicaJupiter: Biblically speaking, the ‘church’ is not a building. As Christians, we are supposed to BE the church, not just GO to church. The Church is a group of Bible believing Christians, not four walls with a steeple.
My husband and I are very faithful Christians, and we were married by our Pastor at our reception site. God was every bit as present in our ceremony as if we had been married in our church, your church, or the middle of Walmart.
If you can’t be married in a specific building, don’t sweat it. That’s not the point anyway.
Post # 14
I’m Lutheran and we rent our church out to just about anybody. We’d probably balk at proclaimed devil worshipers, but within reason we’re pretty relaxed. The pastor is separate from the church and each pastor gets to pick who they are comfortable marrying, but many are fine with non-members.
Post # 15
@JessicaJupiter: talk to the diocese. That is not a valid reason to refuse to marry you. You can marry a non catholic in the church, so this should not pose that much of an issue. You may not be allowed a mass, but theree should be no problem with a liturgy. Seriously; this is not how the rules work, and you should get the Bishop involved. Both partners do not have to be Catholic; I’m not spouting opinions, these are rules set forth by the Vatican.
Post # 16
HEre is my question, and this is just for the sake of understanding; Why do you want to be married in a church of a religion that you don’t particpate in? Is it just because it is a church?
Is there a reason you are against a space outside of a church building? You can get married almost anywhere (park, public building, ect) as long as you get the proper allotment to do so.
The man reason I ask is because I would find it odd/hard to get married in a church where I don’t believe/accept the teachings of. Any money you would give them would go to that church and their teachings.
Also, is it just the baptism that is a problem? I know my local Catholic church will not marry anyone who has not been a member for at least 6 months. We live in a fairly large city, and I think they just don’t want to be a place where people get married.