Post # 1
Dont get me wrong i cannot wait to marry my Fiance but I just dont feel excited for the day itself, in fact i am dreading it.
I hate being the centre of attention, cannot stand people looking at me, and feel really awkward hugging and kissing people other than my Fiance. I do not even hug my mum and dad.
I have social anxiety and i am just getting over post natal depression. (my daughter is nearing 5 months). I am dreading the first dance and father daughter dance. I dont dance. Until i was 13 i did Ballet, Tap, Modern and Jazz at a Dance school and performed lots of stage shows, but for the past 14 years i have not danced at all.
I love my dress but i am not looking forward to wearing it.
I am really not looking forward to the wedding night. My Fiance and I have not done the dirty since the beginning of my pregnancy (he got freaked out my baby then i got post natal depression. We have even been sleeping in seperate beds the majority of the week so i can rest properly without him waking me up snoring!)
I told him that seeing as we have waiting this long we might as wait until the wedding night which he is really excited about. I on the other hand still feel frumpy and have my baby pooch still and nobody has seen me without clothes on for along time plus where i had a episiotomy things arent the same as they were.
Tell me how abnormal i am 🙁
Post # 3
@ChocolateLime: I think how you’re feeling is totally normal. For a person who doesn’t like to be the center of attention and doesn’t like to be touched, a wedding probably sounds like a nightmare. I have social anxiety myself so I hear you on the “hate being the center of attention” thing. I’m dreading my own wedding day, too. 🙁
As for the wedding night, don’t be so harsh on yourself and your body. Your soon-to-be-husband is marrying you because he loves you and he will love you regardless of the changes your body has gone through. Talk to him. Let him know that you’re feeling frumpy and unattractive. I’m sure he’ll assuage your worries and reassure you that he still finds you beautiful. But if it helps you feel more comfortable, maybe buy a sexy nightie that covers your belly so you’ll feel less self-conscious?
Post # 4
I also don’t like to be the center of attention and had a lot of anxiety leading up to my wedding day. I tried to just get in the mindset that putting on a smile and greeting people was something I had to do for those 6 hours – kind of like a job. I literally started coaching myself and pumping myself up the days leading up to the wedding. It kind of worked, even though I still found myself feeling antsy and ready to go at the reception.
Just know that while everyone is there to see you and look at you, they’re on your team. Nobody is there for any other reason than out of love for you and your fiance. I know that might not be much help, but it’s one way to look at it.
Also, let your dj/band know to fade the song out early during the first dance and father/daughter dance. That’s what we did and I’m pretty sure all the guests were just as happy about it as I was, haha.
Post # 5
@MrsBot: thats a good idea about fading the songs out. hadnt thought of that. I have asked my fiance to grab his mum halfway through the father daughter dance and dance with her to encourage others to follow suit.
Post # 6
You aren’t abnormal, I’d say half the population feel like you do in many respects. Certainly most mothers feel that way after their child has been born and there are many, many brides who do not like being the centre of attention.
Have you thought about just not having the first dances? They aren’t required, they won’t take away your marriage licence if you don’t have them. 😛 If you do decide to get rid of them, make sure the DJ makes it clear that it is ok for people to dance as most people will not dance until those dances are over.
It will be hard but try and remember WHY you are the centre of attention and why everyone will want to hug and kiss you – because they love you and are just so happy that you have found a wonderful man to share your life with. Remind yourself that they aren’t doing it to make you uncomfortable, they are doing it to express their joy.
This might help a little to make it more bearable.
And if all else fails and you can’t handle it anymore – just pretend to feel faint and that you need to sit down. No one crowds someone who “needs air”.
You will have a beautiful wedding where you will marry an amazing man and the father of your daughter.
Post # 7
I know two people who had dreadful issues with anxiety AND social anxiety. Both dreaded their weddings for the same reasons as you. However, they both said afterwards that they had fantastic days, despite their anxiety disorders. So, try to keep the faith. You could have a great day like they did.
Post # 8
I can say with complete honesty that I was practically ****ting myself before the wedding because I was DIYing the freaking lot, and I was desperate for it not to all go wrong.
It didn’t go wrong. Honestly, it will all go so fast that it will be over in a flash.
… and for everything else, there’s always vodka!
Post # 9
Another anxiety sufferer here. I was taking stomach meds so as not to literally shit myself from anxiety. (IBS and GAD go together like peanut butter and jelly, ain’t it grand) I had a full blown panic attack while getting ready, couldn’t stop crying for no reason, had to get ready with ONLY DH (while I did my makeup and hair) and alone (while I was putting on the dress, which I had thankfully taught myself how to do up alone.
So I never got that “getting ready with the girls” time, but that’s okay. If you feel anxious and want to be alone until it’s time to go, there’s nothing wrong with that. I hate being the center of attention too, so I minimized the time where that was a thing – ceremony was all of 8 minutes, had a first dance but no other special dances, no bouquet toss, nothing… just dinner and partying and relaxing. 🙂