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I think its quite silly in all honestly. I think Fortune Tellers are full of doo doo. Its YOUR wedding! Theres no such thing as an unlucky date! You make your own happiness! so plan to your hearts content!
MsSparkle, I am a 2011 bride too!
I think if it is your ideal date, you should go ahead with it. You can be in control of this part of your fortune.
However, if it is going to be a major family issue, maybe compromise on another date?
I personally think that this superstitution is just for peace of mind (psychological comfort) but not really important. So do a cost-beneft analysis of the value of physchological comfort versus the amt of hassle/$/time spent on accomodating the "lucky" date. Just remember that out of all the couples married on lucky days, the divorce rate is the same.
Personally, I think your mom's restirction of only allowing you three Sat is too extreme. It may come from some weird fortune teller that makes something too personalized. I would recommend you search on the internet or go to chinatown and get a traditional calendar with each day (& time breakdown) listed as suitable or unsuitable for a slew of human activities (e.g. marriage, funeral, building house, cutting hair, etc.) Those options should give you more options than three Sat. Sometimes it's neutral, sometimes it's unlucky at like 8am but lucky at like 5pm... I hope this can give you more options and also give your mom (& u) some proof that there are other great days to get married too (look mom!) and psychological comfort.
During my own wedding planning, I booked everything and forgot about the lucky/unlucky date/time. After the fact, my mom said that I should get married in the month afterwards but I told her it's impossible now. When I was in Asia to visit, I checked up on this traditional chinese calendar. I found that my date/time fell on a lucky day. Whew.
I'm a little confused...you are planning your wedding according to the dates a fortune teller told your mom? And she wouldn't show up if you picked an "unlucky" date? Why is June 11th bad luck? I would go with whatever date you want and get the vendors you want. What does your FI think of this?
I am not superstitious for the most part, either, but when I was interested in looking at auspicious calender (I didn't do the fortuen teller route), too, when we were picking dates. I agree with pp that it really is for a peace of mind and not absolute. BUT, if your mother is a strong believer in it, like some traditional Asian people are, then I would probably take it a little more serious and try at least not to pick an unlucky day.
Are those 4 options the only ones you have? What about the 4th or 25th of June? I think I'd rather pick a neutral day than an unlucky day (and I am normally not even superstitious lol)
I went through the same thing. I'm getting married in August 2010 and the date I picked was "ok" but there were other dates opened that were "luckier". I was firm on my decision on my date but let my mom know that although I respect the dates she choose, I am not superstituos nor traditional.
Is your mom super traditional or is there any give to this matter?
SummerGirl21 - There is no rhyme or reason to what makes it a good date or bad date. I kept asking but there just isn't a logical explaination. The FI feels what I feel - we don't really care but want to keep the parents happy.
JoonBee - I have no other options. June 18 is a good day and all the other ones are neutural days. June 11 is a BAD day. She has other options but they aren't Saturday which doesn't work for me.
crash806 - My mom is not traditional at all. This is the only silly thing she is requesting. She really doesn't care what else I do.
Can you not go with a neutral date instead that might offer better vendor choices? Maybe your mom would be less mad if you picked a neutral date over a "bad" date?
Our only neutral dates are September 3 and 10. Only good days are June 18 and June 4 (which is not good for me personally). All other Saturday are bad days. :(
I am guessing that the people who voted for the unlucky date are the ones who are not familiar with the Chinese auspicious calendar and its significance or do not have people who are strong believers in it around them? I guess I would want to honor my mother's wishes if she feels so strongly toward it.
Do you HAVE to have your wedding on a Saturday? I am not sure what I'd do in your situation, either, but I would not pick the unlucky date (I think in this case since your mother is a firm believer, it's probably good to oblige to her wishes, and it also just feels weird to get married knowing that it's an unlucky day), and I would probably give up on my top choice vendors and/or venues for just a smooth and nice wedding the way you wanted it to be, i.e. I probably wouldn't pick the date that would interfere the timing for the day. So I guess I'd pick June 18th or Sept. 10.
That's just me! I don't think I can live with my mom being sooo unhappy about it and thinking that our marriage is cursed, though. You know your mom the best. GL! Let us know what you decide.
Thanks JoonBee for your thoughtful comments. It's funny - our wedding planner has me and another coupe in a date dilemina. The other couple started their planning a week before us and we have independently picked the same videography (not one recommended by our planner). So we are in a "fight" for vendors .. haha. I am leaning towards September 3 which will be the least stress for all -- down side is the late reception start.
we got married (exchanged our vows and rings, etc) on the day of our choosing, a bad luck day, but got registered and thus legally married on a good luck day. maybe that will work for you?
nybride's suggestion is great. have you wedding on the 11th, but get legally married on a different day. your mom can be a witness to make her feel lucky and included!
get married whatever date you want, with the vendors you want. It's just a superstition.
ohh I agree with nybride09's suggestion! What a great idea, if I came up with that it would've saved me from some major drama!
NYBride,
That is a fantastic suggestion!
I am struggling with this as well right now. We picked 8/21/2010 for a whole host of other reasons. Then found out it was the luckiest day of the month.
Now we have to move it up a week to 8/14 and I'm stressing a tad because of it a)not being a lucky day and the fact that 4 in Chinese sounds like "death". the other Saturday available is 8/7 which is not a general good luck day either and the fact that it is not a even number makes it worse.
But I can def get legally married on a good luck day instead! It'll give ME peace of mind. It's silly, I know.
This site has a pretty good listing of generic good luck days. Well into 2011.
I completely and totally empathize! Here's my blog post on the same issue: http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/11/10/auspicious-date/
Ultimately, Mr. HC convinced me that even though neither of us believes in this hocus pocus, it's not great forcing my family into a date that they are convinced will be bad luck. There's enough stress and family issues around weddings that we felt that if we could accommodate my mom's wishes, we should.
That being said, it's worth pressing your mom on whether there are possibly any other dates that are feasible. My mom was going to the fortune teller asking about specific dates, rather than asking him to provide her with every feasible alternative.
If not, perhaps taking the date your venue closes later would be the best solution? Perhaps you can negotiate with the venue for an earlier load-in time, even if they are open to the public?
I also completely empathize, and had the same issue.
My FH and I booked our wedding in July 2011, and we also told that the entire month is unlucky. Apparently the entire 2010 is unlucky as well.
Although neither of us believe in such superstition, out of respect for our parents and tradition, we chose to work out a solution.
We were ultimately told that we could still have the wedding on the date we picked, but, apparently, the paper signing and Chinese tea ceremony should be on a different date...so we're going to be legally married on a date they choose earlier on in the year, and still have our American wedding on the date we picked!
my take on the auspicious day is the same as nybride's suggestion. that was actually my proposal to my mom before i found out that my date is actually 'ok' now. (phew!) i was going to go to city hall and get officially married on a 'super-fantastic auapicious' day and have the reception banquet on whatever day i booked. i mrean traditionally, in the olden days, the day of your banquet was the ay you got married. but nowadays, we officialize everything according to the gov't, so the date which is logged with the city you marry in would be the 'wedding date' wouldn't it?
When I first told my Mom about our date, her first comment was if it was a "lucky date". She's not even really into that, and I'm not either, but I try to follow it when I can. I think I'd chose Sept 3rd versus June 11th. Are you sure you'll get 2nd rate vendors for Sept 10th even if you book this early?
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I am a 2011 bride and thought I was planning early - apprantly not. Anyways, it took a while but my mom finally came back with my lucky dates - I only have 3 Saturday Options and entire months of July, August, and October were not allowed!
My planner, videographer, and photographer are already booked on the "luckiest" date and the other two options aren't great. On one date, my venue closes late so it pushes out our timing. The second date falls under trade shows and film festivals so we will be getting second rate vendors. My vendors are pretty important to me - I spent a whole month interviewing and researching before picking them.
The date we originally wanted is suppose to be really bad luck (June 11). We aren't really superstitious but I was wondering .. what does everyone think about ignoring what the fortune teller says and going for it? My mom would be pretty pissed but I think I can still talk her into showing up even though she thinks it will end in divorce if we get married on this date.