Getting married on Sunday.. About at my breaking point..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4135 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s time to say “IDGAF” to all of it. Tune it alllll out. Designate someone to deal with wedding crashers at the door then forget about it. Fuck what any so called friends have to say about your wedding, as real friends would be more understanding. Forget about everything else but your fiance. Have an awesome wedding.

Post # 4
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

How many people did you invite to your bachelorette? As a general rule, and to help with drama, you shouldn’t invite anyone to pre-wedding parties who isn’t invited to the wedding.

Post # 5
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can kind of sort of understand how inviting certain friends, but not cousins or other  friends, can create hurt feelings. 

BUT these reactions are insanely over the top. At least this has revealed to you who are true, sane friends, and who are just pretending to be. 

Post # 6
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow your college “friends” can go fuck themselves (excuse my language). But seriously people these days should know that weddings aren’t always paid for by the parents anymore…and even if they were if you wanted a small wedding then thats okay! I agree with the PP and try to tune it all out. I’m sure your wedding will be amazing and celebrated with the people who are truly your friends and care about you.

I hope you have a wonderufl wedding and just remember that your wedding day is for you and your husband.

Post # 7
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

That sucks! But please don’t let it get you upset. At this point it’s just not worth it!

It sounds like some people are upset about being invite to the girls night party (I’m assuming that was like a bachelorette party?) or bachelor party without being invited ti the wedding. I can actually understand that, but how they chose to handle it was completely wrong and rude. But I would try to forget all that mess and you can worry about speaking to your college friends after the wedding. I don’t think that all thse relationships need to be lost over this. Except that really bitchy one. Also, if your fiance’s cousin doesn’t come to his bachelor because he has to watch the kids, not the end of the world. (Your sadi something about candles being more important than a wedding, but if I’m reading correctly, I think you’re talking about the bachelor party, not the wedding right?)

forr the cousin who says she’s going to crash – I would have your fiance speak to her and make it clear that while you guys love her, it’s a small wedding and they can’t come. But you’d love to have them over for dinner some night ir something.

But really, just take a deep breath. It will be alright. In fact, it will be awesome. You’re getting married!don’t let the stress take over. Focus on the things you’re excited about!

Post # 8
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh I am so sorry.  That sounds so frustrating and hurtful.  The time when people are supposed to be supportive- they’re being nasty and rude.  My advice?  Focus on the positive.  Who IS being supportive in your life?  Your FI?  Parents?  Close friends?  Focus on and be greatful for them.  Focus on your WEDDING coming up!!! It will be beautiful!  You will be beautiful!  You’ll have fun!  Ignore those who hate on you– they aren’t worth stressing about

Post # 9
3646 posts
Sugar bee

@FutureDrAtkins:  My jaw dropped, when I read about the “boycott.” Keep your head up and don’t let those b

get you down.

And have your FH call his cousin, about his irrational, demanding wife ….

Post # 10
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

your fi needs to contact those cousins who are threatening at attend and smooth.shit.over. 

something like ‘it’s so nice that you’d like to celebrate our marriage. as you know we’re having a private ceremony, but we would love to have dinner with you x date after the if you’re available. i also look forward to seeing (husband) at the bachelor party if he’s able to attend. we know that we’ve chosen a smaller, more intimate ceremony than many others, but this is important to us and we’re happy that people understand’

make it REALLY REALLY hard for them to be dicks about it, and even harder to crash your wedding. literally SLATHER on the niceness – it will make it SO much harder for them to be all ‘but i’m coming anyway!’ 

and the friends that didn’t come blow – those people are RUDE! the pregnancy comment is ridiculous – that person clearly has zero manners. i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!

Post # 11
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ok, you probably shouldn’t have invited people to the bachelor/bachelorette if they weren’t invited to the wedding unless they alk understood that you were having a family only wedding. 

As for your cousin,  thats why you have a mom. Ask her to call your cousin and politely put her in her place.

The week before my wedding was super stressful,  but I delegated the “dealing with annoying people” tasks out and I also allowed people to make asses of themselves.  My best man talking about how wasted we was going to get? Why stress about it? He gave such an epically bad speech (about my poop among other things) , that he looked bad, not me. If your cousins show up and there’s no space or food, your venue manager or mom will have to deal with escorting the uninvited guest out. It won’t be your problem.

Post # 12
4649 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m afraid I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to say sorry you’re having to deal with all of this. I know weddings can get really political. Blech. At least take comfort knowing it’s almost over and everything will be back to normal. It’s just too bad you couldn’t do what you really wanted to do in the first place. But the main focus is you will be married. Yay!

Post # 13
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No advice, sorry. Just makes me glad I had no bridal party, no showers, no parties, and a DW that most ppl declined to.

Post # 14
133 posts
Blushing bee

@Pollywog:  +1 to EVERYTHING you said. 

Have your FMIL or fiance talk to his cousin and reiterate the fact that it is a small, private affair and they will be escorted out if they come.

I’m sorry you are dealing with drama, but just think about the fact that at the end of the day you will be married!

Post # 15
5518 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’d respond to this girl and say,  Gp on and come.  There will not be a chair for you, a plate for you nor air for you, because your presence is neither welcomed nor expected.  Buttt….I’m a bitch like that.  If your FI’s aunt is coming (this cousins mother) then she should probably tell her to stay away.  That’s probably the sensible option.

Btw, I had non invited former friends say they were gonna crash my 23 person wedding.  They didnt.

Post # 16
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Here’s the thing about small weddings people have an inflated sense of themselves and how important they are in your life. You invited the people you wanted there. Those that didn’t make the cut for whatever reason can get over themselves.  People also have ideas about weddings (I know I do) and when the idea and reality don’t match up conculsions and assumptions are (incorrectly) drawn. 

Try not to let the naysayers ruin what will be a very memorable day for you.

We had a small 12 guest wedding. We got married soon after meeting. I heard the same things yoindid; where’s my invitation? Are you pregnant? 

I would remove the cousin’s FB post- you can delete stuff posted to your wall. Or I would write back to her right there: you did not receive an invitation because we decided to celebrate our marriage with an intimate ceremony. Thank you for being excited for me though!

I think having a bachelorette and bachelor party with uninvited guests was poor form especially if these folks and their “plus ones” were not clear and ok with not being invited to the wedding. 

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