Post # 1
Ladies, I recently found out that my cousin is getting married to her boyfriend of 9 months this May. Apparently they’ve been engaged since around the two month mark, so they’ve been keeping it a secret and planning the wedding. She said that they were just “private people” but according to the reaction she’s been getting from her parents and close friends and family, I think it might be more of a “I didn’t want to deal with the drama.” than “being private.” She basically let everyone except her parents know via a group invite to her wedding on Facebook. I mean, they’ve already taken engagement pictures back in October and she posted them with their announcement, and they already have a lot of things booked/paid for, and seriously no one knew about it. I have to admit, I am a bit shocked. She met this guy last June and starting dating him probably a week later. Now, I am not trying to sound judgmental, but I am really worried about her judgement here. She’s 26 now, but we feel like she hardly knows this guy. They were LD for 5 months on and off, and really the way she is acting, is kind of like she just wanted a big party. They aren’t serving a dinner (though according to my mom she is trying to talk my Aunt into forking out money to pay for 500 people to eat) and she literally invited EVERYONE on her Facebook. They are doing 100% e-invites and RSVPs, and I know for a fact she’s using the money our grandma gave us to use as downpayments for houses one day ($24k each) to pay for the wedding, and that she’s already taken out $30k in loans, because she was talking to me about “how much” weddings cost and everything she’s had to do to pay for it. I think I am the only one who hasn’t said “Woah nelly, slow your roll!” to her face which is why she was talking to me about it, though I did mention that going $30k in to debt and spending her future house downpayment on one day might not be the best option – but she said it was fine and that they already had a condo, so “no biggie”.
Ugh, I just think she’s not thinking clearly. Lots of folks are getting married lately, and I have a feeling she’s been feeling left out. She wanted to bring her FI to a friend’s wedding back in August (around the time they got engaged) and was told that only live-in, engaged, or married couples got a +1, and she vented on FB about it. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but seriously…. getting married after 11 months of knowing someone just seems really risky. No marriage is a sure thing, but at least after some time you get to know the person better. Maybe someone who got married this quickly can set my worried heart at ease, because the last thing I want is for her to go through a divorce, even more so with $30k debt (because the loans are in her name, and I am not sure if her FI would be responsible for them in case of a divorce… her FI couldn’t get loans because of bad credit.) All in all, I am keeping my mouth shut to her and to the family about my worries, but still…. I had to talk to someone. I have at least 8 gals I know that are my age and are already divorced and many of them have very harsh opinions about marriage/men in general, and I just don’t want my cousin to go through something that horrible. 🙁 I only worry because I care.
Post # 2
MeghanFly: I don’t think it’s really anyones place but hers to worry about how soon she gets married. They are the only ones who knows what her relationship means and what they are ready for. HOWEVER I agree with you that the money thing seems to be a big issue. That is an insane amount of money to spend on a wedding if you aren’t in a position to do so, and to just invite everyone you know on facebook doesn’t show very much planning or thought.
Post # 3
Totally get why you are (justifiably) concerned but typically in situations like this nothing you say will change their minds. We can’t protect our family and friends from every bad situation out there as much as we would like to. Having said that, hopefully it does turn out well for her. Getting married to someone that quickly would not be my choice (or recommendation) but undoubtedly it has worked for some couples.
Post # 4
My fiance told me at 2 months that he was going to marry me & I always just laughed at him & said okay. He proposed at 11 months. We’ve been together almost 5 years now & he still makes me just as happy as he did in the beginning. If they’re happy then that’s all that matters.
Post # 5
MeghanFly: the debt is worrisome, but my parents met and married in four months when my was 19 and dad was 23 and they just celebrated 35 years. Length of time together doesn’t guarantee a thing.
Post # 6
It is sweet that you worry about her, but she is old enough to make her own decisions. I was engaged after knowing my fiance for just 11 months. We are almost done with our 18 month engagement though, and while it seemed long, I’m grateful for it. Even though I loved him and couldn’t imagine my life without him when we got engaged, I’m so much closer to him now and so confident that he is the right man for me. I know your cousin’s timeline was even faster, but every relationship takes its own speed and you can’t really judge it without knowing that much about it.
The debt is really more worrisome. It is her choice how she uses the 24k since that is money she has, but 30k is more like debt for a really good college education… not a one day wedding. And a budget of 54k with no dinner is honestly just confusing and ridiculous.
Post # 7
It is good that you’re looking out for her but really, at 26 she is more than old enough to make her own choices. It doesn’t sound like you really know her FI, so shouldn’t be so judgemental about their relationship. I moved in with my FI after 3 months of dating, and we’ve been together 7 years now and getting married in 3 months, so time really doesn’t have anything to do with it when you meet the one, that being said it all sounds a little strange, 500 facebook guests?! and a 54k budget, and still expecting her parents to pay for the meal!?
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - county fairgrounds
Length of time has nothing to do with the quality of the relationship. I was engaged before this time. We had been together a year and a half got engaged and were engaged for another year and a half and long story short aren’t engaged anymore. I’m currently engaged to a guy who our first date was april 20 and got engaged the same year in September and are getting married this September and I never realized how wonderful a relationship/ man could be. He would move mountains for me as I would forhim.
Now the money thing thats a bit worrisome. My wedding costs no more than $2500 for everything for 150 people. But over $50000 That’s a lot of debt to start a marriage off with. to each their own but she may regret that decision down the road but who knows
Post # 9
MeghanFly: How do you spend $54,000 and not serve a meal? Is she buying everyone heroin and a hooker?
Post # 10
Bases on your story, it sounds like you’re completely justified for feeling this way. However, she’s going to do what she wants. Sometimes you just have to be as supportive as you feel you can and let people make their own mistakes. It also sounds like she’s not emotionally mature enough to make these decisions (ranting on FB), but she is an adult and she’s going to go with what she thinks is right.
Post # 11
Oh wow. I really didn’t realize how old this post was. How was the wedding?!
Post # 12
KoiKove: lolol I was wondering that too! Where the hell is all this money going?!
Your cousin is definitely being an idiot- with the money and the hasty marriage but whatareyougonnado? Nothing. She wont listen to you so I would just show up, enjoy the party and wish her the best!