Getting Married Young/Bucket List

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ceemarie7:  I think that both have valid points.  But this is because everyone is ready at different stages in their life.  I have friends who were perfectly ready to get married at 18 and have kids before they turned 20.  I’m having a hard enough time justifying getting married at 25 to myself.  Everyone’s got their own timeline!

Post # 4
Member
8592 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think maybe the idea behind it is a good one…go out and find yourself and know who you are and what you want out of life and a partner (and what you truly deserve) before getting married.  No reason to jump into marriage (a lot of people do!).

But the list is kinda pathetic IMO.  Eat a whole jar of nutella?  Watch Girls?  Bake a cake?  How is that on someone’s bucket list???

Post # 5
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think people should worry less about what other people do.

Post # 6
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@ceemarie7:  Whoa, that’s crazy that the second one is being posted on here! I know someone who knows the author, and I was just talking to the two of them on facebook. Someone I know posted the first one on her facebook and was saying how dumb it was. She got married young, but her husband died overseas about a month or so after they got married. 

Post # 7
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ceemarie7:  the original list seemed kind of tounge in cheek to me….I seriously doubt anyone could eat an entire jar of Nutella in a sitting! The person who wrote the responsto seemed to take the original a tad to seriously and came across as very defensive. 

Post # 8
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I read the “23 things to do before turning 23” or whatever and found it really condescending and stupid. I wasn’t engaged before 23, but I was in a very serious relationship with now-FI. I just found her list really stupid, first of all, but it also came off as talking down to anyone who is young and knows what they want in life (in terms of career, marriage, kids, etc.). It left a bad taste in my mouth, overall. 

Post # 9
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

@ceemarie7:  I loved the first one!  The author of the second one just seemed mean and really snarky. 

In the first one, I especially loved this:

“It is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.”

This is actually one of the reasons I got married in the first place.  I didn’t want to be alone.  Dealing with life by myself was super hard, and I didn’t know how to handle it.  So I got married, but surprisingly, because my ex-husband didn’t know how to handle life either, I learned how to be an adult.  Life on my own now, as a divorced woman at 26, is much easier than it was when I was single at 22. 

And the list of 23 things to do before 23?  I think the author was being tongue in cheek.  She didn’t mean it literally.  I guess some people don’t get that kind of humor.

Post # 10
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I read the first blog post and wasn’t a fan.  I enjoyed the second one more, especially her comment at the end about everyone having a different timeline.

Honestly, I just get tired of all the hating on how other people choose to live their lives.  Single people bashing marriage, married couples making singles feel inferior, parents telling childless couples they don’t have a “real” family, childfree-by-choicers mocking those who had babies.  It’s just ridiculous!

Of course not everyone does this, and I get why people do – especially when your own life choices are questioned, it makes it easy to go beyond defending yourself and towards making yourself feel superior to someone else.  

I just hope blogs (and discussions) like this start making people realize that not everyone has the same plans for their lives, and that that’s okay.

 

Post # 11
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@WestCoastV:  I assure you, I can (and have!) eaten a jar of Nutella in one sitting. Not Costco sized, but the regular. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! I didn’t realize this is something I can only do while unmarried though. I looked to my FI aftee reading the original blog post and tried to figure out if I’d truly choose him over Nutella and cakes.

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I hated the attitude in the original article. 

 

Everyone needs to to mind their own fucking business. If you want to get married, get married. If you don’t want to be married, then don’t. But don’t let your bitter, inexperienced single life translate into a disdain for all young women who are happily committed in their marriages. 

Post # 13
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@ceemarie7:  I ABSOLUTELY THINK THIS CHICK who posted the 2nd blog…is so so Stupid! OMG seriously what a perfect example of why Christians get a judgey name… I am A CHRISTIAN by the way, but her article ERKS me SO MUCH.  (I Am not yelling at you CeeMarie, by the way, lol I am just yelling to make my point, LOL…& I need to vent)

I am getting married and am for marriage but GOSH PEOPLE LET PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT TO GET MARRIED AT 23 AND WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO DEVELOP THEMSELVES AND FIND THEIR IDENTITY BEFORE THEY BECOME ONE PERSON WITH THEIR HUSBAND DO IT.

Why IS IT Okay for moms and wifes to post articles about how much BETTER it is to marry young and have kids young, but GOD forbid if someone says why it is so much better getting married later.

If you LOVE your life choice so much then WHY does she need to defend it.  Sorry for the ALL CAPS, but I am just so so so so tired of all this back and forth of what is better, marry young, have kids young and why one is the right choice and one is the wrong.

Who IS THIS chick to take that 23 yr olds list and tear it apart.  IT IS MEAN & JUDEMENTAL.. Shame on her…She should let others who chose a different life from hers, live it without trying to show that hers is better.  Her article reminds me so much of my old roomies, who were super Christians and all they did was Judge Judge Judge, talk crap about everyone and act like they were so above everyone. So mean spirited and cold hearted. 

Why can’t she let people who don’t want to get married at 23 have a little attention, have a way to tell other teen girls that GUESS WHAT Their is MORE to do other Than JUst GET MARRIED.  OMG No WAY!!!  There are enough articles out there pressuring teen girls to get married and have babies young, let there be some articles embracing NOT DOING THAT!!

It is HARD enough in the South with all the pressures of getting married young and having kids young, when you may really want to focus on yourself and career and God forbid you embrace maturing, and figuring out yourself, your career path and what you want in life..

Let these woman who want to EMBRACE their 20’s without a MAN do it D*mn It!  I am so over it… If all these married women with kids in their early 20’s are SOOO HAPPY then they do they have to constantly bring down other women’s decision to stay single, when OMG they have valid points on why they want to wait to get married.

I am getting married very soon and I could of when I was younger to my 2nd boyfriend and Thank God I didn’t!  TO each their own…But if you are so HAPPY stop trying to convince everyone you are happier than single 23 yr olds… GOSH

OK RANT OVER, Sorry if I annoyed some, But this just ugggh makes me so annoyed!

Post # 15
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I like the quote that fancymichelle pulled. Getting married shouldn’t be a safety, but rather something that two willing, mature people are ready to do.

That being said, I think the first article was written poorly, but had a good, deep message. Living life to its fullest is something we all want to do, and something we SHOULD try to do. However, it was unfair of the author of the first post to write so condescendingly toward people who do choose to get married young. I have relatives that did, at 18, 20, and so forth. I have friends that did as well, and they are perfectly happy. Getting married young is not for everyone.

As someone who is under 23 and close to being engaged, I believe it’s for someone of the correct mindset. Both parties can live fulfilling lives with each other, and if that’s what makes them happy, then more power to them! My parents didn’t get married until they were in their 30s, and that was the appropriate time for them. If it doesn’t fit one person’s lifestyle, they shouldn’t judge if it DOES fit another.

The second article, the rebuttal to the original, offered much better ideas for things to do. (Clearly I did not care for the first.) It is nice to see the happier side of being married young rather than the “it’s hell don’t do it so do all of these horrible things first” side. I think BrideToBe14 also had very valid points. To each his own. If I want a career without marriage first, let me have it. If I want marriage first, let me have it. It is my life.

Bottom line? Both articles have good takeaway points. I’m just tired of seeing them bounce back and forth on my social media as passive-aggressive arguments to the opposition.

Post # 16
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

“But in the words of my 15 year-old sister, ‘Sorry I’m not sorry.'”

Classic.

“I do not believe there is an ‘appropriate’ age to get married, only an appropriate mindset.”

I completely agree.

I think both of these girls’ lists are really only appropriate for themselves.  I’ve had pets for my entire life.  I can take care of my cat on my own perfectly fine (and have for 10 years).  I definitely don’t need a husband to make me a responsible, loving pet owner.  I think that “don’t adopt anything until you’re married” comment irked me more than the first girl’s comments about cheating on people and standing naked in public windows.

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