Getting negative reactions to our choice of NOT getting engaged?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Nevermind them! you can do whatever you want with your life, i think it’s very mature of you.

Post # 3
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Cait.Marie:  Why do you care so much about what other people think? 

Post # 4
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

What you’re doing isn’t mature or immature — you’re just wearing rings that mean a specific thing to both you and your boyfriend. That’s fine. 

I understand why people scoff at it, and why they might scoff at his ring as well. It looks like you’re playing at being engaged or married; it looks like both of you are beating around the bush. However, that’s not what you’re doing. Both of you are crystal clear and on the same page when it comes to engagement and marriage, and that’s great; that’s all that matters. 

Ignore what others say. If you feel like explaining your reasons for having the rings, you can do that. If you don’t want to explain, you don’t have to. Just go about your business and enjoy your relationship. Pay their criticism no mind.  

Post # 6
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Cait.Marie:  Well I think he needs to toughen up and be his own man. The older you get the less you’ll care what other think of you and how you live your life. I think it’s wise for you two to hold off on marriage for now. 

Post # 7
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Cait.Marie:  Also, you can’t control what others think or do….ever. All you can control is your own reaction to it. 

Post # 9
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You don’t have to tell anyone it’s a promise ring if you’re concerned about people’s reactions. Your boyfriend can just say it’s a ring he decided to wear and leave it at that. 

Post # 11
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My boyfriend gave me a promise ring last year when we moved in together and I love it and while some people scoff at it, I don’t really care because it’s a show of love for my boyfriend and me. The way I look at is you could say that engagement rings are stupid because why not just get married? An engagement ring is a promise to marry someone, and a promise ring is a promise that you’ll be engaged when the time is right and start actively planning a wedding. Anyway, it’s your relationship, sweetie! Don’t let anyone else bring you down. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My fiance and I are your same ages- I’m 21, he’s 20. He gave me a promise ring a year into our relationship (we’ve been together four years next week) and everybody thought it was stupid, but clearly it was a promise we both took seriously! We are having a long engagement to wait until he graduates in two years. I’ll be graduating in six months, so this timeline is what made sense for us. I am going to work full-time and throw the rest of my energy into saving for and planning the wedding, and he is going to finish school. Every couple is unique and needs to find a timeline that works for them. I have actually heard comments about how dumb our long engagement is, and jokes about how we’re not really planning to go through with it because the engagement is so long and we’re still so young, so I know how you feel. 

I think your timeline sounds totally reasonable and very mature, and I love promise rings! It is so special to have something to wear and look at everyday that reminds you of the love of your life. Keep doing what is best for your relationship, and brush off any haters!

Post # 14
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think you should worry too much about what others say… I gave a ring to my FI before we got engaged, when he left for studying abroad and no one ever asked him what the ring was or from who it was. He just wears it when he feels like it! He also gave me his extra engineering iron ring (Canadian university), which fits perfectly my ring finger, and I still wear it from time to time : ) Do whatever you want, it’s YOUR relationship, not others’!!

Post # 15
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Cait.Marie:  The Adult thing to do is to not worry about what other people think.

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