(Closed) Getting neighbor kid to bugger off

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My aunt has the same problem and has even talked to the kid’s parents about it but nothing changed. She doesn’t seem to come around as much now since my aunt’s answers became no everytime. I don’t understand why certain parents don’t watch their kids better and why they allow them to run around unsupervised.

Personally if I were you I’d talk to your neighbors at least about the kids leaving your one dog alone. Sorry I couldn’t help.

Post # 4
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We don’t have any kids in our building so I don’t have much advice, but maybe one of those “shhh baby sleeping” signs on your door so she at least won’t constantly wake it up?

Post # 5
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wish I had good advice. Maybe you can explain now how hard it is to have a newborn. Then you can set up a once a week time for her to come over for an hour, starting when the baby is a month old. Then tell her that if she comes over other times she loses her visiting privilege. Do you think that would work?

Post # 6
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Poor kid. I don’t really have any advice, but I hope she can locate some friends or caring adults soon. 

Post # 7
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

We have a kid like this on our street too! And I also feel bad for her, especially because her dad just left. (Apparently, he left because the mom is ALWAYS screaming at the dad). We live in townhouses and they have had 3 families move in and out of one of the neighbouring houses and 2 on the other side. She has come over to our house to sell us rocks, ask me when I am having a baby, ask us if we want to come over to play barbies, ask to play with our dog, to show us a play she’s made etc.

Honestly, when the baby comes I would disconnect the doorbell and not answer the door unless you know someone is coming over. I would also try what @edub: mentioned because I am sure she will catch you outside sometimes.

Post # 8
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would talk to her parents.  Stop by with some cookies or something and talk to them.  Don’t blame the child, but say something like “it’s so nice to see Sally.  she’s always so happy and upbeat.  I’m a little worried though.  One of our dogs has been a little nippy lately.  And with the pregnancy I’m not always up to supervising her around them.  Do you think you could talk to her about keeping away from the dogs I wouldn’t want her to get bit” same thing when the baby arrives- “I am really overwhelmed right now, and not up to everyday visits until baby is a little older.”.Maybe pick a time you aren’t busy and invite the family for dinner or lunch.  They may be overwhelmed themselves and not realize how often sally is visiting. I hope everything works out ok.  

Post # 9
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think you need to tell her no every single time, and tell her she needs to go home.  It sucks that her parents don’t pay enough attention to her, but she’s not your responsibility, and it’s putting undue stress on you and your husband.  


Post # 10
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We had the exact same problem when I was pregnant with our son. We lived in an apt and our upstairs neighbor’s daughter was a pain! We had accidentally left the door unlocked and she even let herself in one time!  She would knock on the door all the time wanting to play with the dog? I would say no and she would still come back. She finally stopped when I would ignore the doorbell (dog barking and all) when she had literally just watched me walk in 2 min before. My baby slept right through it (newborns generally can sleep through anything.)  After a few times she got the hint. Do you have a garage door opener? You could always let the door up as you’re driving up, drive in, and close it as soon as your bumper passes the sensor, lol. Then don’t answer the door and instruct your husband to do the same.

Post # 11
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can you somehow deactivate the doorbell so it can’t ring and wake up the baby/dogs?

If you feel bad for her, perhaps you can set up a time weekly to see your dogs and make her stick to it. Tell her that’s the only time she can come over uninvited but if she does, she can play with them. OR perhaps you can put her to work by walking your dog when you have the baby, may make her feel useful and important.

Otherwise if the parents won’t listen , maybe you can get the police or child services involved. The firecrackers are especially scary, that should not be allowed at all.

Post # 12
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@abbyful:  I’m sure that is really irritating.  I feel for all of you.  It sounds as if she is really being neglected at home and has no sense of social awareness.  What you might want to try to do is “wean her off” of you guys.  It’s going to take a little work on your part, but it may help.  Calculate about how many times each week she comes over on average.  Then, decrease by a certain percentage.  Give her tokens (poker chips or something) and tell her she can only come over x amount of times each week.  After a couple weeks of that, decrease by another percentage to get down to a tolerable amount.  Be sure to set up boundaries and rules for her, since she obviously has NO CLUE.  If she breaks those rules, then she loses her priveledge to spend time with you and the dog.  Please let me know if you need more help (I use this strategy with kids all the time.  It brings “problematic” behaviors into their awareness….forcing them to think before acting and prioritize their needs).  However, if you think her well-being is at risk (i.e. fireworks incident) contact DFS and air your concerns or ask the police for suggestions. Good luck!

Post # 13
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@melisslp:  I was going to suggest something similar. 🙂

It sounds like she really just has no idea how she comes across to others, likely because she’s not seeing good social skills modeled for her.  It may also help to just talk to her directly too.  Kids really do well on boundaries, so whether you choose to have an established time where she is allowed to come over, or if you don’t want her to come over at all, you need to tell her very directly.  

Ignoring behavior is fine, but I think in this situation, ignoring may not work, because she’s already using the skills she’s learned from being ignored to bother you, if that makes sense.  Direct, but kind, boundaries will likely be most effective.

Post # 14
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@abbyful:  Have you tried any of the recommendations?  Just curious to see how things are going. 

Post # 15
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

“Sally” and her parents are really, really lucky that you guys aren’t child molestors or murderers.  What kind of parents are these?  You never know who your neighbors really are.  Letting your child roam freely, and unsupervised, is just irresponsible.  All I can keep thinking is, “What if Sally goes to the wrong house one day?!”  It is really sad.  Can child services be called for this sort of thing?

Post # 16
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You should try to set boundaries with her. She is old enough to understand what she can and can’t do, and is even being manipulative going between you and your husband. Tell her that, while she is a very nice girl, you will need to set some rules about when she may visit. Start this before the baby arrvies so she won’t slip in with the commotion of visitors or “accidentally forget” and ring your doorbell when baby is sleeping. This shouldn’t cause bad blood with your neighbors because if they don’t care enough to know how she behaves all the time, they probably won’t care if they hear the new rules from their daughter, if she even tells them at all. Good luck to you, I wish you the best!

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