- 6 years ago
What would you have done?
I had a best friend since highschool who Iâ€™m no longer friends with…. I tried to tell her about 6 months ago that me and BF were thinking of moving in together after becoming engaged. She basically suggested that i shouldn’t do it, insinuated I was moving too fast, etc I basically tried to laugh it off told her not to worry and i was a “big girl” i’m in my thirties and would be fine and tried to continue telling her how serious he and I were getting …so mid convo she cut me off and made a negative comment insinuiating “how i usually want more out of a relationship than the guy” …. I got offended by her negative comments and called her on it and let her know that I did not need her â€œ stamp of approvalâ€ on my relationship because I am an adult.
She basically tried to tell me first that she was just â€œconcernedâ€ based on my relationship history with guys breaking my heart, and didnâ€™t want me heartbroken in 2 months when it didnâ€™t work out,then changed too that I never share the happy times in my relationships only drama when I break up with some loser, and keep secrets from her.
I reminded her that dating and heartbreak come with the turf or everyone would marry the first guy they ever went out with, and I am allowed to be heartbroken if someone breaks my heart, it doesnâ€™t mean I have to become some bitter paranoid female who doesnâ€™t believe in love and I was not going to allow her to throw my past in my face with no reason as my FI is a great guy and she doesnâ€™t even know him!! (she and I live in diff states and have for many years, see each other infrequently due to distance and life ) also I have known FI since college and we had dated in the pastâ€¦ etc.
I also told her friendships donâ€™t have â€œrulesâ€ of when i’m supposed to share happy news its not like i eloped and didn’t tell her … and this was NOT the first she heard of FI, then bf, and had actually blew off an attempt to meet him , (he and I were in town for a conference in her state briefly last summer she had months notice and made up a lame excuse not to hang out with us, or with me as I offered to drive to her house by myself and hang with her ) I also reminded her we werenâ€™t in highschool so I wasnâ€™t going to gush over every dude I dated,and exchange every detail this was starting to get serious which is why she is hearing about it now which i felt was appropriate.
I will admit and take responsibility that I did NOT overshare as much about him as I should have because she does have a tendency to be very negative and play devils advocate and this tends to annoy me really quickly. She can also be judgemental due to her broken relationships as none of her childrens fathers are involved with her. In a nut shell i think she felt left out and misunderstoodâ€¦. or maybe i’m excusing bad behavior? dunno? I felt attacked because she couldnâ€™t verbalize feeling left out without making it into a personal attack and kept minimizing my feelings saying I was overreacting by getting upsetâ€¦. So she gave me an ultimatium spend more time with her face to face so I can â€œunderstandâ€ better what she means and not get so offended, (again the issue to her is me not her taking any responsibility for her role) and tell me 100% of whats going on in my life. I told her the expectations she had were unrealistic as we did not live in the same state and no one knows 100% about anyoneâ€¦. She told me she was done with our friendship and I told her fine…
Heres the thing…… I canâ€™t stop thinking about this!!!!! I go from sad that she isnâ€™t around, angry that we couldnâ€™t compromise, and disappointed our friendship ended over something so peity So give me some feedback bees I need some other perspective here because I know fights are common but I want to make peace with this in my mindâ€¦on a side note I do not think I want to repair this friendship