Getting over disappointment of wedding reality compared to dream wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I wanted to elope or have something tiny, and we ended up having a larger more typical wedding, which I was so unhappy with during the entire planning time. Now, it ended up being fantastic, and I had so much fun. Even if I could go back, I don’t know that I’d change a thing.

I think the important thing is to focus on the bits that are your dream, rather than measuring the things that don’t quite add up. Do you have an awesome cake topper you love? Is your bouquet gorgeous? Is the dress exactly what you wanted? Make up trial went well? And of course focus on your groom. Even if the big picture isn’t your dream, there are still elements of it in the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Allyg:  When I realized how much decorating, flowers, etc. cost, I knew that I wasn’t going to be doing anything elaborate. I got over it pretty fast when I realized that no one really remembers details like that anyway. Like, you won’t have a better time just because there are chandaliers there. Try and think of it that way.

I decided on my three priorities: good photographer, good food, open bar, and then decided that everything else was less important. I want a good photographer because I want to remember the day forever, I want good food because that’s pretty well all any guest wants, and I wanted an open bar because the thought of a cash bar just horrifies me.

Post # 5
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Allyg:  This isn’t exactly the same, because i never envisioned the decor/food of my wedding a specific way, but I did always imagine that there would be certain people there- not a giant wedding, but about 100 people. And then when we decided to get married, my fiance’s military career meant that to have that larger wedding would have meant postponing it for a long time- more than a year. And we weren’t will to do that, so we planned something intimate and very soon. 

I still get a little sad sometimes when I think of the people who I would love to have there who won’t be. But I’ve gotten over it- and very excited about the wedding- by embracing the aspects of the small wedding that I do love- the people who WILL be there, the amount of time I’ll get to spend with them, the greatly reduced expense and stress, how much more relaxed and comfortable I feel about the idea of having this intimate moment with a smaller group of my nearest and dearest rather than everyone I know and a number who I don’t. 

All choices in life mean foregoing other options- these boards are also full of brides regretting the amount of stress and money they’ve spent on plans that ultimately they didn’t find worth it. I would go through your plans and really focus on what it is you want- is it just “chair sashes” or is it “knockout decor” is it a luxurious food and drink menu or is it “making sure my guests are happy and feel attended to”. There are likely some areas you can cut back or out because they don’t matter to you, and one or two luxuries or splurges you can fit in that will give you something to be excited about. Refocus your mental energy on the things you ARE excited about, on what WILL be there and what will happen, rather than the chair sashes that won’t. 

And if that’s not possible- if you simply are totally commited to the relatively basic (although $25K is still a lot of event!) wedding you’ve already planned because you’re unwilling to spend another $10-15K, (which is a very reasonable decision to make in my opinion!), focus on what it is you’ll do with that money- the opportunity you’re choosing instead of tiny chandeliers. Getting ahead on retirement savings, a blowout honeymoon, renovations on your dream home, starting a baby/college fun, paying off debt to live stress-free… these are all amazing opportunities, and chair sashes will probably pale in comparison when you imagine the future that money will provide instead.

Post # 6
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with you. When I initially planned a large we were looking at a budget of $40k- 25 from my mom and 15 from us. Even at that much our wedding was blah and mediocre. We opted to save evrryone money and change course completely. The thing that really upset me the most was cost of flowers/ centerpieces. We already planned to DIY or use super save worthy options on stationery and transportation. 

Post # 7
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@SummerOfLove:  I thought of it your way! The only thing people remember is the food and possibly the brides dress. 

Post # 8
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Allyg:  I truly understand and sympathize. We are taking on a small amount of debt above our budget to get the wedding we would be happy having. I spent literally hundreds of hours looking at options, talking to people, etc. and was able to find screaming deals on certain things. It also helps to have a long engagement so you can shop sales.

I had the same problem.. I really wanted the wedding of my dreams, but we’re pretty low income so it isn’t possible. Our 10k budget is now closer to 17k… it is what it is. You’re not a brat it just takes some adjusting. Just make sure you know what’s most important and plan the most for those things.

Post # 9
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Allyg:  How does your FI feel about it? If you are not happy about the wedding you are planning now, is there a way you can come to a happy medium? Have more of the things you wanted – but not 10k worth? I know its difficult because the numbers add up really fast once you start planing a wedding. 

 

You have to be willing to spend some extra money, or use credit cards if you want to have the wedding you always dreamed of. I have 0 credit card debt, so that is why I would suggest that – otherwise using credit cards (as you know) isn’t always the wisest decision. You could just pay it off as soon as the wedding is over? 

Post # 10
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I guess I’m lucky in that there are only 1 or 2 things I had ever imagined having, and they weren’t that expensive! I’m having a lot of fun budgeting (yes I am wierd!) and doing DIY decorations to save money.

All I can say is focus on the bits you can do which are fun and can save you money – try to only focus on the good, the fact you are marrying the love of your live in front of family and friends, and celebrate with the people, rather than the food/drink/decorations etc.

I’m sure when it comes to the day you will have an amazing time, and come away will a million fantastic memories x

Post # 11
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think most people, I mean like 10 years down the road, remember is … Did they have a good time attending?  Other than that I’m sure no one remembers if they had Crab stuffed Shrimp and 4 other choices for a meal, or if their chair had a ribbon on it, if it was top shelf or rail …. this is one party on one day, is it really something worth going into debt over ?  

My brother got married about 5 years ahead of me…. i couldn’t tell you wtf we had for dinner.  I DO remember have a great time with my relatives, and watching my brother say his vows to the woman he loves.  

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Woah ladies 25k is a LOT of money!!! I am planning an 8k wedding and so far have not gone over that limit. Granted we are having 45 people at our wedding, and to me 100 people is a huge wedding. I mean can you really say hi and speak with each and every guest at that big of an event? Really invite those important people and that alone will save you tons. I am assuming you guys may all be in more expensive areas but I am still having a beautiful mountain wedding in Colorado that most people would have spent 15k on at least. To me picking a gorgeous venue is key as yolu don’t have to over decorate with crap that costs so much. 

Post # 14
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Allyg: Have you considered having a smaller wedding? $25K might not be able to get you a luxurious night with elegant touches for 200 people, but for 70, it certainly could.

Post # 15
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@Allyg:  No one will ever notice and appreciate those details as much as you. Are you really doing it for you, or you’re doing it hoping to impress your guests and leave a permanent impression on them ? If the latter, it’s not worth it, because they won’t remember and those details won’t matter to them even on your wedding day.

In the long run, people mostly remember food, ambiance/music. You could have a basement wedding with chips and pop and it could be the most fun wedding your guests will ever attend. No amount of money can ever garantee fun. You could be bored to death at a 100K wedding. 

We’re having a 7K (hopefully less) *dream* wedding (meaning it will be exactly how we want it to be) and in order to do that, we’re skipping a lot of things that we felt wasn’t as important as having good food, good music and fun games with our family and friends. A wedding is important to me in the sense that it brings people together like no other events, and is a great opportunity for our families to bond. 

Keep your money. DIY the few extras you think are important to you. In my opinion, 10K over budget is not worth it. 

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