getting pissed off i cant enjoy my wedding!!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Courthouse wedding —> Save up —> White wedding when you can afford?

Would that solve your problem of, “Where’s the money coming from”?

Post # 4
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Elope and make it as beautiful and fancy as you want for just the two of you. We did that after family gave us such a hard time and we had a blissful time!

Post # 6
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jbbs1222:  do you have a date set? It seems like your FI doesn’t think so. I think you should both be on the same page about that at the very least before you start really planning.

Post # 7
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@jbbs1222:  Do you have a budget in mind?  I’m sure a lot of ladies here can help you have a wedding on *your* budget.  I’d figure out how much I had to spend and how long I was willing to wait (six months? year? 18 months?) and go from there.

Post # 8
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@jbbs1222:  I would find work, move out, get yourselves settled, THEN start planning the wedding!

Post # 10
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BrandNewBride:  +1

You can’t get married yet if you’re not ready to support yourselves. A little support will start to show up when you show that you truly understand the reality and accept that you’re not ready to marry yet.

Post # 11
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

well if you really want a wedding you can have a really nice one and cheap if you both can save for a while.maybe plan for next spring or fall or whenever its still nice out and have an outside wedding at your house or a park,have a yummy BBQ,and a DJ.you could do it all,including your dress if you get a good deal(good deals are everywear)also,buy tablehclots,decorations,center pieces(which can be done cheap yourself)ect..little by little over the next year.i bet you could do a beautiful wedding for about 60 or 70 guests under $3000 or less

 

i dont know if this been asked yet,but do you and your FI live together now and work and pay rent?(you dont have to answer if it to personal.)if not i see why he wants to wait,you both should beable to have a place to live after marriage on your own together and beable to afford it. 

eta,i see she is still living at home,sorry.yes op,you need to get a job,move out and support yourself befor you even think about marrige.do you still go to school?

Post # 12
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I just stopped telling people what we’re doing.
If people are invited, they’ll find out what you planned later.
If they need to know now… it’s really not a hot gossip topic. Unless you’re my FMIL.

This includes just about everyone except my fiance, who is paying for the wedding along with me. So he gets equal say in whether we can afford something and whether he even likes the idea!
Sometimes he shoots my ideas down based on cost.
I have two options after that: present my case, or accept that we just can’t afford it. I am a rather frugal lady so this hasn’t happened much, but the discussion does come up.

Maybe you just need to have a conversation with your fiance about what his dream wedding is? I realized early on after several conversations that my FI had a dream wedding, and since talking about that I’ve been much more open to what he wants, and he in turn has been more open to what I’d like.

 

Post # 13
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@jbbs1222:  I’m really confused. Didn’t you buy and pick out your bridesmaids dresses already? How can you do that without having an actual date?

Post # 14
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Mee:  I agree and I think that may be why people are asking how you can afford it

OP, how old are you two?

Post # 15
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

No one else really needs to be involved except you and your FI.  Is he on board with your set date?  Do both of you have jobs?  Can you pay for what you are planning?  How can he say you won’t be getting married for awhile but you are planning on next year??

Stop talking to them (family) if they’re not supportive.

BTW though, if you aren’t sure how to move out on your own and can’t afford that yet, how are you going to pay for a wedding?  I would think priority #1 would be moving out and being stable and then worrying about a wedding.  Do you have a plan?

Post # 16
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jbbs1222:  Hi there. Sorry to hear you are going through this. To me it sounds like you agree that there needs to be some realism inserted into this wedding planning and that while you acknowledge that you have to plan for this cost and that cost, the fact that debby downers keep mentioning these costs is pissing you off.

Maybe it’s best that you let your family know that you want them to be happy for you and celebrate this happy time with you. You can also let them know that all other items, aside from their love and support, will be handled by you and your FH. That means no money talk unless you specifically ask them for their input.

It might just be worth the chatter to set up some boundaries that allow you to maintain both your sanity and a smile. Good luck!

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