Post # 1
im gettin really angry that anytime i bring up the wedding i get shot down with stupid comments about money and how am i affording it and when is it happening and blah blah blah. its like seriously?! i thought weddings are suppose to be happy! cant my family and friends be happy for me? even my fiance does it. whenever i mention something wedding related he says he doesnt want to hear about it and it will probably be a long time before we can get married anyway. at least im trying to get us married in the century. we may be broke but at least im staying happy and planning for a happy life. i know they are trying to tell me to see things realisticly and i am doing that to. i know how to budget and what we all need after the wedding like to move out and stuff like that. but still a little support and some happyness for me and our wedding would be nice too! ive been planning this whole thing by myself. would be nice to have some family support and help cause its really depressing me that i feel like i cant even be happy that im getting married 🙁
Post # 3
Courthouse wedding —> Save up —> White wedding when you can afford?
Would that solve your problem of, “Where’s the money coming from”?
Post # 4
Elope and make it as beautiful and fancy as you want for just the two of you. We did that after family gave us such a hard time and we had a blissful time!
Post # 5
thats actually one of the suggestions i keep getting that is really making me mad. yes it would be cheaper wedding wise to do that but that doesnt answer what to do after the wedding. we still have to move out and be able to support ourselves. so yeh we would be married but then what? a bunch of friends and relatives keep say oh have a courthouse wedding and have a reception later but we have waited forever to have our wedding. im not doing that just to make them happy
Post # 6
@jbbs1222: do you have a date set? It seems like your FI doesn’t think so. I think you should both be on the same page about that at the very least before you start really planning.
Post # 7
@jbbs1222: Do you have a budget in mind? I’m sure a lot of ladies here can help you have a wedding on *your* budget. I’d figure out how much I had to spend and how long I was willing to wait (six months? year? 18 months?) and go from there.
Post # 8
@jbbs1222: I would find work, move out, get yourselves settled, THEN start planning the wedding!
Post # 9
Totally missed the not having moved out part.
Post # 10
You can’t get married yet if you’re not ready to support yourselves. A little support will start to show up when you show that you truly understand the reality and accept that you’re not ready to marry yet.
Post # 11
well if you really want a wedding you can have a really nice one and cheap if you both can save for a while.maybe plan for next spring or fall or whenever its still nice out and have an outside wedding at your house or a park,have a yummy BBQ,and a DJ.you could do it all,including your dress if you get a good deal(good deals are everywear)also,buy tablehclots,decorations,center pieces(which can be done cheap yourself)ect..little by little over the next year.i bet you could do a beautiful wedding for about 60 or 70 guests under $3000 or less
i dont know if this been asked yet,but do you and your FI live together now and work and pay rent?(you dont have to answer if it to personal.)if not i see why he wants to wait,you both should beable to have a place to live after marriage on your own together and beable to afford it.
eta,i see she is still living at home,sorry.yes op,you need to get a job,move out and support yourself befor you even think about marrige.do you still go to school?
Post # 12
I just stopped telling people what we’re doing.
If people are invited, they’ll find out what you planned later.
If they need to know now… it’s really not a hot gossip topic. Unless you’re my FMIL.
This includes just about everyone except my fiance, who is paying for the wedding along with me. So he gets equal say in whether we can afford something and whether he even likes the idea!
Sometimes he shoots my ideas down based on cost.
I have two options after that: present my case, or accept that we just can’t afford it. I am a rather frugal lady so this hasn’t happened much, but the discussion does come up.
Maybe you just need to have a conversation with your fiance about what his dream wedding is? I realized early on after several conversations that my FI had a dream wedding, and since talking about that I’ve been much more open to what he wants, and he in turn has been more open to what I’d like.
Post # 13
@jbbs1222: I’m really confused. Didn’t you buy and pick out your bridesmaids dresses already? How can you do that without having an actual date?
Post # 14
@Mee: I agree and I think that may be why people are asking how you can afford it
OP, how old are you two?
Post # 15
No one else really needs to be involved except you and your FI. Is he on board with your set date? Do both of you have jobs? Can you pay for what you are planning? How can he say you won’t be getting married for awhile but you are planning on next year??
Stop talking to them (family) if they’re not supportive.
BTW though, if you aren’t sure how to move out on your own and can’t afford that yet, how are you going to pay for a wedding? I would think priority #1 would be moving out and being stable and then worrying about a wedding. Do you have a plan?
Post # 16
@jbbs1222: Hi there. Sorry to hear you are going through this. To me it sounds like you agree that there needs to be some realism inserted into this wedding planning and that while you acknowledge that you have to plan for this cost and that cost, the fact that debby downers keep mentioning these costs is pissing you off.
Maybe it’s best that you let your family know that you want them to be happy for you and celebrate this happy time with you. You can also let them know that all other items, aside from their love and support, will be handled by you and your FH. That means no money talk unless you specifically ask them for their input.
It might just be worth the chatter to set up some boundaries that allow you to maintain both your sanity and a smile. Good luck!