Post # 1
My FI and I have been talking a lot more about babies latley. We really want one. I am 23 and he is 24. I know that we are still you and have time but I love children. I am already an auntie and love my nephew so much I can not imagine how the mother child bond must feel. We have been together since we were 15 so 8 1/2 years now. We have been engaged a little over a year and our wedding date is set for 19 months for now. We would really like to have a baby prior to our wedding. It would mean so much to have our child included in our wedding. We are trying to decided if having a baby now is thr right thing to do. If we can’t get pregnant in the next few months than I want to wait til after the wedding. OR It would be perfect if we could get pregnant a month or two prior to the wedding so that we can announce it to everyone on our wedding day. I would just worry about getting pregnant too soon and not fitting into my dress. Any ways I am rambling now but just want to get everyones thoughts about having a baby at 23 before our wedding.
Post # 3
@Carrielicious: You don’t talk about your job situation/security/financial security/housing situation, etc. That is more important than talking about age in numbers. I personally would not want to be pregnant on my wedding day, not only so I don’t have to worry about buying a dress in the right size, but so I don’t have morning sickness! Personally I think trying for a baby, the stress of baby, is just overload during a period that should be focused on solidifying your expectations of your relationship moving forward and figure out the plans for the wedding (and financials for that as well). Obviously, babies come at all times, but if I were planning a pregnancy, personally I would wait (24 year old bee, coming up on 6th anniversary with FI, also a bee with mild- to moderate-baby fever but trying to do what’s right for my family by waiting until FI graduates from his Ph.D. and more student loans are paid off, some travel has been enjoyed, etc)
Post # 4
Wait. Give yourself a chance to enjoy being married first. Don’t do it before the wedding. You want to be able to enjoy the planning. Don’t forget how expensive babies are. Now imagine paying for a wedding on top of pregnancy, delivery, and baby. It’s still not socially acceptable, so I imagine you will have a number of upset family members as well, especially if you come from a religious background. Marriage is huge. Wait. You don’t know what is going to happen over the next 19 months. You may discover that the baby fever wears off.
Post # 5
I just feel like it’s a lot to deal with at once. If it happens it happens, but I personally would try to avoid the two at the same time.
I’m thrilled to be able to have my nieces in/at the wedding!
Post # 6
Please take time to enjoy your wedding and engagement! I was engaged for almost 2 yrs. before we got married and it honestly went so fast. The last 5 months were the most stressful and honestly the wedding DOES put a strain on your relationship. So many strange family things/disagreements occur that you have to work through that you don’t even know are a problem yet! Working through them as a couple are difficult but it also strengthens your relationship as well. I would take one relationship step at a time if it is possible.
Post # 8
@love108: agree. Every pregnancy idifferent but my first trimester has sucked – acne, bloating, exhaustion and all day sickness and feeling like shit. wouldn’t wish it on anyone especially not on their wedding day.
Your financial and emotional readiness is far more important than age and wanting to have a kid at your wedding.
Personally I see no rush at your age. Take it one step at a time. Simply wanting a baby doesn’t mean it’s right time to have one.
Also, if you have to poll the internet abou their opinions on such a big and personal decision, it’s likely a sign you’re not quite ready yet.
Post # 9
I was 17 weeks pregnant at my wedding In March. I wouldn’t trade my baby or pregnancy for anything, but it did cause a lot of stress. I was stressed about my dress not fitting, I was so sick January and February with morning sickness that I was a grouchy, half alive mess.
Post # 10
I’m going to say do what you like, if you can afford to have a baby and you want one, then do it!! Waiting to have a baby until after you’re married wont make you better parents, marriage doesn’t magically make these things happen. I sympathize with you, I’ve had wild baby fever for the last two years and I don’t wish this feeling on anyone! If you’re both ready then go for it!!! 🙂 good luck, and do what you want.
Post # 11
there are lots more important things to consider than your age and the timing around your wedding – mostly for me it would be how financially stable you are and whether you and your fiance have been living together long enough to work out all the small stuff (like how you handle chores, joint finances, arguments, etc.).
Post # 12
Wait and try to relax a little. Enjoy beging married. Getting married is a change, and you owe it to your future children to give your relationship with your new spouse time. I get that you’ve been together a long time, but the “we’ve been together since age 15” thing can work against the relationship too.
And if you do get pregnant before the wedding, please don’t announce it at the wedding. People should be happy for you but it just feels inappropriate.
I get having baby fever, I really do…but wait wait wait!
Post # 13
@Carrielicious: A lot of people in your real life will have opinions about this. Be prepared for people to think you got married because you had a kid. I actually got pregnant while on birth control pills, after we got engaged and picked a wedding date. And then my future MIL tried to force us to drop the wedding I had already planned and go to the courthouse. Then there’s also your body. Sure many women get right back to skinny, but many, many women don’t ever get back to skinny. I also want to throw in the fact that planning a wedding while toting a toddler around is going to be a lot more difficult, plus the money aspect. So as long as you don’t care about what people think, whether or not you get into a certain size and you’re really good at multi tasking, then I don’t think your age matters.
Post # 14
I would pick trying the month before as the worst time to try, I’m 9 weeks now, and from 4 weeks onwards i had terrible bloating and my boobs got bigger (would never have fitted my dress!), felt pretty sick and had awful skin!
Post # 15
@Carrielicious: wait!!! I was 8weeks pregnant on my wedding day, my dress was snug, I had horrible morning sickness, we couldn’t fly anywhere for our honeymoon (personal choice about flying and being newly pregnant) and I was tired!!!
I’m due in October and can’t wait to meet her, but I wish I would’ve been able to have a cocktail or sushi or anything I wanted at my wedding.
Post # 16
I would wait, but I’m pretty traditional