Getting really frustrated and not sure what to do… [long]

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I do! Every time we go out and do/eat anything, I say thanks. And DH thanks me for dinner every night!

Post # 4
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@krayzay87:  My partner wouldn’t stand for his friends discussing his past sexual life in front of me (not that they would know any details anyway) nor would he EVER allow someone to suggest gang raping me. WHAT?! I can’t even believe this.

To answer your question, yes I say thank you to my partner and appreciate everything he does for me. When you start taking people for granted, they won’t want to help you and I don’t blame them. No one likes to feel used.

Post # 5
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@krayzay87:  I do not say thank you for every little thing, but I say it rather frequently.

More than saying thank you though, is the fact he seems to be keeping a running scorecard in his head (which may or may not be accurate).  You’ll never be happy in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, if you’re keepign score.  If this is very new behaviour for him, i would suspect there is something else on his mind, and the score card is simply an excuse.

Post # 6
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

@krayzay87:  Do you really need to say “thank you” for every little thing that gets done by your partner?

Absolutely Yes you should say thank you for every little thing! If you don’t appreciate him or show him you appreciate him someone else will…ijs

Post # 7
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We say thank you for most things (even small ones). If he cooks dinner, I will thank him, and likewise he will then thank me for cleaning the dishes. It makes me feel appreciated when he thanks me for doing mundane work, so I always thank him for doind similar household chores.

I think your issues go beyond not saying thank you to each other and seem to mostly be about bad communication between both of you.

Post # 8
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I say thank-you and so does DH but if either of us forget or don’t no one cares. More often than not we thank each other for being in our lives or for making an extra effort. If I’m sick and he does extra for me and I’m too sick to thank him there and then he wouldnt hold it against me because he knows I do the same for him etc. Sounds like a stupid fight. I would just ignore him.


DH bought me a whole car when I first moved in (before he even proposed) because he lived a fair way out and didnt want to be taking me everywhere. It was a $2000 car and he bought it outright and I really appreciated it. It was also however not a massive deal as he has a 60’s-80’s Toyota fetish and owns about 10 in various states of disrepair so I knew it was kind of for him as much as it was for me.


For the first few weeks he really behaved badly and treated me like I should owe my very soul to him and do everything in the house, answer his every whim etc. Eventually I reminded him that buying me a car didnt mean buying me and that he could bloody well sell it if thats what he expected and he quickly realised what he was doing and stopped it right off. 


Maybe your SO doesnt realise it but is acting in a similar way??? Just let him know what he is doing and just because he did you a favour it doesnt mean he can act like a jerk and treat you like rubbish. 


Good Luck!


Post # 9
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We thank each other for even the smallest things. 


Post # 11
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think that was your queue to say thanks and acknowledge his feelings.  If you have had issues with being appreciated in the past, you should have brought it up before then.  Either way, sounds like a bit of miscommunication going on.

Post # 12
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I say thank you frequently. DH doesn’t say it very often which does bother me so I can see where your SO is coming from. I don’t want him to say it for every little thing but for things that I go out of my way to do- I appreciate a thank you. I hate being taken for granted.

Post # 13
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@krayzay87:  You missed my point. He is keeping score. That is either a) a recipe of resentment or b) how he is manifesting his resentment over something else that’s bothering him.

If this is new behaviour for him, you need to figure out what is going on.

Post # 15
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Yep… every time I bring my husband something from the kitchen, he says thank you. If it’s dinner or something I made, he always says “Thank you for this wonderful dinner.” I also always thank him for taking out the trash and washing the dishes. 

Even though you share a life, you still need to show appreciation. You can’t take the little (or big) things for granted. Value each other. Maybe he values words more than you do– and that’s okay, but you have to figure out how to best make him feel loved. If that’s just saying thank you… it’s easy!

If I were you… I’d buy him his favorite beer or make his favorite dinner and say “Sweety, I’m really sorry that you feel like I don’t appreciate you. You’re just so good to me that sometimes I forget how lucky I am. I love you, and I’m sorry. Thank you for helping with car. I really appreciate it.” 

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