Post # 1
So my fiance’s ex wife thinks that she is going to be invited to our wedding! I’m getting a headache because I’m getting so mad at this whole thing. Luckily, he doesn’t want anything to do with her other than having to deal with her when it comes to their 5 year old daughter. However, his mom and his sister still stay close to her because she is his daughter’s mother. This is a woman who cheated on him and boldfaced lied to everyone about this. Then, when it came to the divorce proceedings, she almost drove him into bankruptcy despite the fact that she made ALOT more than he did (does).
So now, she is trying to be buddies with us (for what reason, I don’t know) and I told him it’s probably because the wedding is only 5 months away and she wants to ensure that she is invited. At this point, I would rather invite Saddam Hussein (if he were living) to my wedding than her. If they had ended amicably, then that would be different. However, she was cheating on him and tried to take him to the cleaners. Why would I want to be friends with someone like that? Don’t get me wrong, I am cordial to her when I see her, but I definitely do not go out of my way to be friends with her. This whole thing is really pissing me off, especially since his mom and sister still insist upon being friends with her.
Post # 3
Wow, some people really do have nerve. I mean, people talk about not inviting ex boyfriends, let along ex-wives. I feel like you’re right-if things were amicable etc it would be different. Is it possible that the ex thinks things are good, even when they aren’t? Sorry you have to go through this! I think you may need to make it clear she is not invited. She sounds like she might be the kidn of person to show up and say i figured my invite was lost in the mail!
Post # 4
Fwiw, I will maybe be inviting my xh’s w to our wedding. I’ve made peace with her and forgiven for the issues in the past. My x was dastardly towards the end of our marriage. He remarried WITHIN A WEEK of our divorce to her and she was expecting too. It’s funny how time heals wounds though and it’s five years later.
Maybe his x realizes that you’re going to be the stepmom to their child? Maybe she wants a better relationship or realizes what she did and is sorry? I know b/c a few years ago my xh’s w, APOLOGIZED to me and cried for everything. She was truly sorry and I am ok with her now. Sometimes people do realize what they do wrong.
Btw, I am still on good terms with my ex in laws too. They also have a different perspective however since I was never disrespectful to their son and was always good to him during the M. This is something you may have to deal with. She IS the mom of HIS child. And getting along or working through it is the best way for the CHILD to grow up in 2 homes.
How long have they been divorced? Just wondering.
There’s a reason an ex is an ex husband or wife. Something was seriously broken. Something happened beyond repair. So don’t worry about her or her presence.
As far as having her at the wedding, you need to talk it out with your FI. Unless she would be COMPLETELY disruptive, maybe it would be a great way to show not only her but the family and friends that YOU TWO are the couple now and that the past is the past. If she can respect that, then I say ok.
And I can say that after having forgiven a woman who cheated with my then H and married him with my heart broken beyond repair, so shortly after my divorce was final. I can also say people change (she has asked for forgiveness and endured what I did plus ten times over since that time) and she has been in many situations a good help to me and my child in a tight situation or squeeze.
Post # 5
The difference is is that she, to this day, says that she did nothing wrong. She will still say that. If she was truly sorry for what she did, she could have even written an e-mail if she didn’t want to do it face to face and send it to everyone and say that what she did was wrong and that she was really sorry for it. I realize that she is the mother of his child, and I have never disputed that or argued it. I would NEVER get in the way of the decisions that he and his ex wife have to make in regards to their daughter. I don’t feel that she would necessarily be disruptive, however, she was invited to a family gathering before and went out of her way to make me feel really uncomfortable. She kept talking to people about when ‘they’ were married and when ‘they’ had a baby, etc. I made sure I didn’t show it to her that it annoyed me, but when it comes down to it, she is more intimidated by me than vice versa.
I have dated someone previously where I got along with his ex-wife well and didnt’ have a problem with it. However, I refuse to have someone there who will not only make me uncomfortable at my own wedding, but will make my FH really uncomfortable as well. I have forgiven a lot of people throughout my life for some really major things, so I have the capacity to do it, but in this respect, I am not going to invite her to my wedding. She doesn’t deserve it for what she has done to him, and went to court to take away more of his time with his daughter, and she continuously abandons her daughter (we watch her, she doesn’t totally abandon her at home) on the weekends she has her so that she can spend time with her boyfriend.
Post # 6
Have you not seen "How I Met Your Mother"????
Post # 8
have you had a woman to woman sit down with her? A friendly convo over a coffee? Trust me..there could NEVER be harder feelings than how I once felt about this person.
My advice here is to also seriously talk to your FI about it. Is there any chance she would be disruptive or do something? If so I vote no.
Now my guys xw? She has never been nor has she made ONE DARNED NICE GESTURE to us since we’ve been together and has been even nastier since he and I became a couple. He was divorced 2 years when we met.
Post # 9
Now my guy’s xw? I forgot to add she has NEVER spoken to me once despite my being in same room with her and me speaking to her. She is just awful. If she tried to be nice, I’d return the gesture. But I am NOT a pushover.
Post # 10
If it had been anyone else, I probably would have tried to have a talk with her, but even when he brings up things regarding their daughter that he doesn’t agree with, she just laughs at everything. For example, she still gives their 5 year old daughter a sippy cup because she is so lazy. When he tells her that she needs to stop doing this, it makes her do it even more. So, if it was someone who was ‘normal’, I would have no problem talking to her. She came at him when they were going through divorce proceedings and got really nasty and demanded all of this stuff from him financially when she makes at least 3 times more than he does. But yet, their child continuously wears clothes that are 3 sizes too small for her. What is she doing with the money he gives her then?
I’ve never been married before, and I really only want people there who are close to me or make me happy and want to celebrate in our happiness. She, however, would want to be there just to be spiteful. Her mother really instigates a lot and pushes her to do even more evil things, so I honestly cannot say whether or not she would be disruptive. You never know with her.
Post # 11
So let me get this straight – she has not in any way asked to be invited, right? All she has done is try to be friendly? I think you’re getting upset over nothing. If she asks for an invitation, THEN expend your energy dealing with it. But for now you’re allowing her to get the best of you for no reason. Don’t let her rent space in your head.
Post # 12
I think you answered your own question with that last statment. His daughter can come and sit with her paternal grandparents. Why would the ex even want to come watch the man she used to be married to get married to another woman? Weird…hopefully your future in-laws will understand. You’re going to be the mother to their grandchild someday too, they need to respect you just as much as they do her, if not more.
Post # 13
I probably wouldn’t. If your FI doesn’t want her there, then that’s enough. It’s not like the divorce ended amicably.
Post # 14
No, she has already ‘hinted’ at being invited to the wedding to my fiance. I can’t understand why she would want to be sitting there watching her ex husband get married. Even if I was in that situation and was invited,I would still decline.
Post # 15
Well yesterday I went to the pre k graduation of my xh’s child. Five years out it was fine. Then again, she and I had "that talk" several years ago and since that point things have been fine.
It sounds very raw still, the situation with you, FI and xw. How long have they been divorced? That may very well play into the situation you know.
How does your FI feel about it? Again, time and time SINCE their divorce might play a great deal into this. It wasn’t until x and i were divorced for 2 years that I was actually in a position to want to talk to either of them about anything!