Post # 1
How the heck do I get rid of these feelings?!?! I feel guilty.
I love my SO. I want to be with him and only him. I don’t believe there’s a better match for me.
But there’s a guy that works at the same company as me (different department, thank God!) and he comes by my office a couple times a week to pick up some things and I honestly feel like I’ve never had such an attraction towards someone. Yeah ..I see insanely good looking guys out in public, but never have feelings like this. I feel like there is just a strong spark between us. I try to keep conversation to a minimum and get him out of my office as quickly as possible, but he has been getting friendlier and friendlier with each week. And he used to send his intern to get the stuff from me. Not anymore. I honestly know very little about him and have probably spoken to him a total of 20 minutes in the year he has worked here. So I really don’t know what’s he like or what his personality is like.
I never had those crazy insane fireworks with my SO, which is fine with me. I know such feelings can fizzle out quickly and does not always make for a lasting, healthy relationship ..which is what we have.
Has anyone else been through this? I just want it to stop! And not to have to see him anymore. Maybe I should plaster photos of my SO and I all over my office so he gets the hint. I thought the giant homemade Valentine’s Card sitting on my desk from SO would help …
Post # 3
I ALWAYS have crushes on people when I’m in a relationships. I’ve accepted it as a healthy part of who I am, as long as I don’t act on it. Sometimes the harder you try to fight things, the stronger they fight back. It works for me to just accept that I have a crush on someone and embrace the butterflies I get in my tummy.
Your situation may be a little different though, and I hope you find a resolution that akes you cofortable.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Crushes are just that – a crush. As long as you don’t act on anything, you will be fine, and I think the feelings will fizzle away.
Post # 5
Oh honey, without our imaginations and flights of fancy, we would be as dull as sheep! Your committed to another man, but not dead! It’s a statistical improbability that you will live the rest of your life without experiencing intense chemistry with people who are not your SO, Vegas wouldn’t touch those odds. What makes the difference is what you do about it, and to me it sounds like you’re towing the line and keeping temptation as far from you as possible! Good on you for being proactive! My only advice in this, is to take a hard look at this man, this intensly attractive man, eventually, he will do or say something that you LOATHE…and that is a fact. I find in my life and hobbies I run into people that are just soooo interesting, so mezmerising, I hear the same thing about myself from time to time, and as terrible of a flirt as I am, Mr. 99 makes me look like wallflower, I guess the comittment we have to each other is just like banded steel AND we both have enough experience to know, that the other is all we’d ever want…but who doesn’t like a good flirt now and then?….especially when your husband is sitting at the same table grinning from ear to ear over what a drooling sod you’ve reduced that junior investment banker to with little more than a smile and a toss of your hair!
Post # 6
@Nona99: lol i always love your replies but I can honestly agree with this 100%. I remember having crushes on people and then for whatever reason they do or say something and I’m like “what the hell?” and those feelings just VANISH haha. Its kind of funny.
Post # 7
@definitelymaybe: Oh, wow, I know how it feels– it is appalling and guilt-producing, but it is common and normal! Even though it is very yucky!! I have had this problem in the past. My solution has been to somewhat limit how much I see the guy (though I do see him in social settings because my best friend/roommate is friends with him), never see him one-on-one, and to find out what he’s really like. The guy in question is really REALLY REALLY WEIRD, and unfortunately very screwed up, and a bit of (sorry for language, but it’s true) an attention whore. He’s good looking, which is what caused me to feel strange, but now that I know what he’s really like, I don’t like him anymore. Even if I do still notice the looks a bit, I find him kinda repulsive because of his personality.
So– find something (or many somethings) to dislike about crush guy. And if he tries to spend more time with you, find ways to avoid it. Go to the bathroom if you notice him coming, or excuse yourself to an imaginary meeting the second he comes in the door, or arrange with his intern for the intern to come and get things. Or, if there’s a particuler time he comes and gets the things, arrange to have someone else there (preferably a VERY CHATTY someone else) to deflect him.
Because I was uncomfortable with the way this guy was trying to spend time with me, I came right out and said “I don’t think I feel comfortable hanging out one-on-one, because if my boyfriend was hanging out that way with another woman, I would not feel comfortable with that, and I don’t want to potentially compromise my relationship by doing something that I wouldn’t be OK with in my partner’s shoes.” The guy respected that and now does not try to flirt with me anymore. Sometimes you just have to really tell them like it is to get them to leave you alone.
But yeah, it’s just a crush. It will go away.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. It’s relief to know I’m not alone in such feelings. I feel much better today than I did yesterday minutes after seeing the guy. I do have strong feelings when he is around but they rarely linger after he’s gone, and that’s also a relief.
Post # 9
Sometimes people just have that effect on a girl. I’ve had it several times and it’s always kind of uncomfortable, but I know it’s natural. Just remember that it’s fleeting!