Post # 1
Everytime i see or hear another of my friends (alot of people i know are getting married or recently have) talk about their daddy daughter dance and being walked down the isle with their dad.
Its just my father left when i was 2years old and never bothered to keep contact with me, my mother is a lesbian and was in and out of relationships with women for the most part of my life. A few years back she got caught up in drugs and after trying everything for her to stop i cut her out of my life and have only recently started to talk to her again (she has sobered up now) my grandfather is not well enough to and i have never had any close relationship with him, i have one uncle who moved 10hours away when i was little so i dont really know him at all. And no brothers. I was okay with walking myself down the isle but i dont know i guess im just upset.
I do know how pathetic i sound, please you dont need to tell me!!
To top it off my FI really wants to have a mother son dance and i think that would be beautiful especially as his mother is very sick, but he wants me to look into music ect for it and its making me jealous i guess.
sorry to vent just want it off my chest
Post # 3
@Steph18: sorry to hear you are going through this.
Post # 4
Aww sweetie—you’re not pathetic at all! My heart truly goes out to you. Does your FI have a father that he is close to and that you see? Perhaps you could share a dance with him, sort of as a “welcome to the family” father and daughter-in-law dance?
Post # 5
As for your FI asking you to look at music, tell him your feelings and that you would prefer he and she (or just she) pick the song.
As far as walking you down the aisle, do you have a best friend that you are close with? I think it would be amazing if the friend closest to you walked you down, even if that is your maid of honor. Hold hands (like little girls do) and then at the end, Hugh and turn to your FI. That would make me cry.
Sometimes we let things beyond our control get us down. You are allowed to have these feelings of jealousy (I went to a wedding this weekend and the dad sang “I loved her first” before he gave her away). I was so freaking jealous because I don’t have a dad like that, I have no relationship with him at all. I do, however, have a maid of honor that I would break my back for and she would do the same. Weddings are about highlighting the important relationships and not the unimportant ones.
Hugs and congrats on the wedding!
Post # 6
just read a post by another bee who is going through a similar thing, maybe you could chat about it http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-father-or-mother-to-walk-down-isle-dance-with
Post # 7
I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I had concidered walking half way down the isle by myself (with FI starting at the front and meeting me half way), we would meet up at the middle of the aisle and he and i would walk hand in hand towards the front of the ceremony. I found it had great symbolisim and made me feel at peace. It might be an idea you might concider. xoxo hugs to you!!
Post # 8
You are not pathetic at all! My father isn’t in my life anymore, and I chose for it to be that way. I think it’s pathetic that some parents don’t care about their children!
I personally am walking myself down the aisle 🙂
As for your fiance wanting to have a dance with his Mum, try not to let it get you down. Try to be positive about it, and be thankful that even though you don’t have a close relationship with either of your parents your fiance does. I know it’ll be hard, but his Mum is sick and I think it’s special if they can share a moment at your wedding.
Although, it may be a good idea to speak to your fiance about the music. Perhaps it’s a better idea for him to choose something 🙂
Post # 9
@jules28: Thanks for that, I have thought about it but his father is the kinda man who doesnt believe in weddings (thinks they are a waste of money) and wishes we just went to a court house. He refuses to talk about any wedding plans with me or my FI, which is okay because i know that is just how he is. I love him and am happy he is attending our wedding at least.
@AJester2: thanks i was thinking of having my neice / goddaughter walk me down the isle instaed of being a flower girl (especially since we arnt having flowers we are haveing fabric) just me being emotional i think
Post # 10
While my father is still very much in my life, we don’t get along. I haven’t hugged him in probably a decade. I can’t imagine anything more awkward than walking down the aisle and dancing with a man that hasn’t always been very supportive of me (emotionally).
And yes, I too have moments when I’m sad… I won’t be dancing to Butterfly Kisses with my dad like I’ve seen so often. When I was a little girl we did get along and I always thought we’d dance to that together. I think that your FI should be choosing the song he dances with his mother to, not you… wouldn’t a song he picked have more personal meaning anyway?
I don’t think you sound pathetic at all. I’m really sorry it’s making you so sad.
Post # 11
I understand sweetie…my dad was banned from the US when I was 17 (after my mom divorced him, the laws had changed.) So I haven’t seen him in over 11 yrs. The whole wedding thing has been bitter sweet for me.
Since you don’t have any brothers, maybe ask a cousin or something? Are you close to your father-in-law to be? (If he’s in the picture, consider asking him to do it.)
I was going to walk alone, then I figured, maybe have my little girls walk with me, but then I thought to ask one of my brothers…My wedding is in 2 days, and I’m having trouble coming to terms with the “daddy-daughter dance”, too.
Post # 12
Post # 13
Are you close with your inlaws? Are you close enough to ask FFIL to walk you down the aisle?
If your mum has sobered up wouldn;t it be a step in a positive direction to ask her to walk you down the aisle? Something like not asking her could potentially hampen a fruture relationship.
As for the dance- again could you dance with your mum or FFIL?
Post # 14
@ColorLove: @j_jaye: FIL is the kinda man who doesnt believe in weddings (thinks they are a waste of money) and wishes we just went to a court house
@ColorLove: No male cousins either 🙁
Post # 15
Could you dance with his dad?
Post # 16
You and your FI could walk down together. That’s what DH and I did and it was nice. I was nervous and having him with me helped a lot.