- 10 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Hello, hive! I have been thinking about writing this post for the last week or so, but it has taken a little bit of gusto since this is not entirely easy to express. I hope you can lend me your honest feedback and words of wisdom.
Basically, I am starting to get really scared about the impending marriage. FI is a great guy, and I have always liked the fact that we have differing opinions and backgrounds, but recently I have started to really worry that our differences in religion and politics might lead to larger problems later. The other night we got into a pretty heated discussion about politics which lead to a heated discussion about abortion, and although I realize that these differences of opinion are what can keep things interesting in a relationship, I wonder if it will ever stop becoming interesting and just become a problem.
He is fairly religious, and I am not (although I feel that I have faith, I just don’t practice an organized religion or see the need to)…. we have discussed how we’ll raise our children, and it was decided that he can take them to church but they will be raised to understand that they may make their own decision about religion when they are old enough to understand. They will be taught that Mommy is not a bad person for not going to church, and why she feels the way she does, just as they will be taught why Daddy does go to church and how it relates to how he was raised. Still, though, I get nervous that my children will be raised to believe something that I do not believe, but I don’t know another way to reach a happy medium.
Also, I am scared that I don’t see in us the passion that a lot of couples our age have. Sometimes I think that maybe it’s that I’m on the pill which messes with my hormones; sometimes I think we’re both just overworked and tired which leads to us sometimes forgetting to kiss each other hello after a long day at work and having to (most of the time) schedule time to be intimate; but other times I get scared that we don’t have the spark we’re supposed to have. If we’re not even married yet, will it get worse? Are we just so consumed by planning a wedding and dealing with all of our other responsibilities that this is normal? Does anyone really "feel" passion for their SO, or is it more of a state of mind?
I know I’m rambling. FI and I have been together for 4 years (1+ of which we’ve lived together) and I know that I’m probably blowing things out of proportion because I’m scared. We make each other laugh and understand each other; we get along with each other’s families and support each other when one of us is having a rough time with something. Maybe it’s that I just watched "Serendipity" and I’m in a movie-enhanced fog I’m just scared that even though we may work well together, that maybe it’s not enough to form a happy marriage. Has anyone else felt this way? Does anyone truly think I should think through this a bit more, or is this just normal cold feet? Am I bringing this upon myself by reading into things too much? I just constantly feel this nagging feeling and I don’t know if it will go away.