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I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding this fall and I have just about had it with the crazy amount of rudeness that has been demonstrated by this bride. So I'd appreciate people's opinions in letting me know if I'm overreacting or if I'm justified to feel this frustrated.
1) I didn't even receive an invite to the wedding! Obviously I'm attending, but shouldn't the wedding party still receive invites? I thought it was just polite to do so...
2) My FI wasn't invited to the wedding! He was allowed to come after the dinner was over. I understand people are on a budget, but I'm spending hundreds of dollars to be in this wedding and I'm not even allowed to bring a date? And we just found this out now...
3) I spent a lot of money on her bridal shower gift and she never thanked me for it (not at the shower itself when I left or in a card) and in the invitation she wrote and I quote "Bring your checkbook so I can get things I actually want". She also didn't speak to me other than a quick hello at the shower either.
4) At the shower I also overheard her telling guests to look closely at their invitations because "only about half of you get to eat dinner with us and the rest of you can show up when we're done". I can't believe she actually told people that they were B-list infront of everyone else.
5) She told us that she had chosen specific hairstyles for us (the bridesmaids) and that she scheduled us hair appointments at her salon because she expects us to all get our hair done together. What she failed to mention at the time was that although she was requiring us to get our hair done, she wasn't paying for it and for some insane reason it costs $200 each at her salon for an updo! And of course she didn't mention this months ago when we agreed to be bridesmaids.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and am constantly shocked by how rude she is being both to us in her wedding party and even her guests. And I only listed about half of the things she has done. Am I overreacting or is she actually being as rude as I think she is? Please help me figure this out so I can at least feel better in my mind about this! Thanks!
With friends like that, who needs enemies! Her b-listing and not inviting your FI are her most heinous sins in my eyes, but a $200 hairstyle that you don't even get a say in!? She's going to drain you dry by the end of all this!
Honestly, and I really wouldn't suggest this lightly, but this is one time where I think you would be 100% right to back out and refuse to pay another dime. I'm on a budget, we all know brides on a budget, but when your budget it low, you adjust your plans accordingly- you don't try to have all the trappings of a big wedding and stick it to your guests in the process.
Please back out and maybe give her a wake up call to her actions. You can't be the only bridesmaid in the party who is horrified by her behavior. Who knows, you may start a chain reaction. Bridesmaid strike!
Oh trust me I would love to but this close to the wedding and I'd feel horrible. Plus I can almost guarantee that if I leave so will another 5 people in the wedding party and as nuts as she's driving me , I can't do that to someone. I just needed to vent and be told that I'm not crazy for being so upset. My FI doesn't really get why it's so bad, he's mad about the money part but doesn't really care about the rest. But I just couldn't imagine doing what she does to my wedding party or guests and was shocked she did.
She's also done other bad things before too and I stood up for myself and got her to make exceptions to her weird rules for me, so maybe I can get out of the hair appointment at least. *crossing my fingers*
Rude doesn't being to describe her behavior. I've never heard anything so thoughtless. I'm sorry you have had to deal with this person.
Wow! I don't care much for going by the "etiquette" rules but the things you talk about are just plain human decency! I'd tell her where to stick her $200 hairdo, but that's just me.
I'm going to be blunt, why are you friends with her? Has she behaved this way in the past? This is more than poor etiquette.
For the hair appointment, I'd just tell her you are not available and have made other arrangements.
I'm not a stickler for etiquette, but she is violating common human decency. You are not crazy and she is quite nuts in my opinion.
Thanks for the suggestion sudslover, that's a good simple way to deal with it and get out of it :)
And as to why I'm friends with her, well really we aren't anymore... it was just an awkward situation and I felt bad so I agreed to be a bridesmaid...so just a heads up to anyone in the future...DO NOT SAY YES UNLESS YOU REALLY ARE CLOSE! lol. lesson learned apparantly :P
can you at least negotiate the hair up do? i'm still in shock about it being $200. i read about another girl's hair costing an arm and a leg because the bride had decided to rent out the salon and have the bridesmaids pay for that AND for the bride's hair in addition to their own hair.
Wow. Nope, you are not over-reacting, she is being rude. I think some brides take the "my day" thing to a whole new level!
@summerlove22: I agree...that is a bridezilla for sure...a cheap bridezilla to boot!! Since it's so close to the wedding, it's probably too late to back out but you can certainly refuse to pay $200 for an updo. Let the bride know that if she wants you to wear a specific style then she has to pay for it. Otherwise you will get your hair done at a place of your choosing for a more reasonable price.
haha thanks everyone, that definitely made me feel better! :) At least now I can show my FI this and tell him to stop telling me I'm overreacting lol. I'll just stand my ground on the hair situation and keep my mouth shut about everything else and hopefully it will be over soon lol. You guys are all awesome!
completely rude. i would just bring fi. and get my own hair done. and if she doesnt like it explain to her how rude and inconsiderate she has been.
wow. just WOW.
yeah thats beyond rude.....
Well..if I weren't close to her and didn't intend on being friends, I'd step down. Unfortunately, you've already put a good deal of money into it.
lol, you should totally bring your fi, and if she asks "why'd you bring him?" you should just say, "oh....you mean you're ACTUALLY enforcing etiquette???? I thought you weren't since you haven't in the past", but I'm a total bitch with things like that, you sound like a nice girl.
Yeah, I read #1 and I was like "meh, not so bad" then I read #2 and I was like "wow...". I read #3 twice out of disbelief, and by the time I got to #5 it has been confirmed that this is much more than poor etiquette and this girl is flat out a selfish, spoiled little brat who has no sense of tact. (Sorry for the bluntness.)
Wow... the way people think they can be behave - and really probably get away with everyday - just blows my mind.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this woman.
The others may revolt if you led the way, but that might convince her to stop treating you all so bad too. Suggest either doing your own hair or finding your own salon to get it done at a reasonable price and see how she reacts. If she flips out, I say you have every right to drop out of the party. Her wedding is in the fall, you aren't that close to the date, and if she has uneven sides so what? She made her bed and now she has to lie in it.
Oh please, tell us the other stuff that you left out. This girl seems too bad to be true. You're an angel for putting up with it so far.
Wow. she sounds awful.
And I would totally bring my date. And THINK about getting my hair done. this all just sounds BAD!
I'm speechless. This girl is beyond rude...this is insanity! I would have dropped out a long time ago!
I would also like to know what else this girl has done. I had a somewhat similar situation with hair (but not $200, wow!) and just told the bride that I couldn't afford it. As far as dropping out, the wedding is in the fall, so she has time, big deal about uneven sides, she hasn't made up programs, and I don't see it as sticking her much (althought if several people did, that might be what she needs to realize she needs to change herselfish ways).
Wow...rudness abounds! To not even send a wedding invite to the wedding party and not invite them with guests is ridiculous! Plus requiring $200 for hair is out of control!
I have visions of this person going through an etiquette book and checking off the ones she has violated so far, with a view toward working on violating the rest!
Wow - what a doozey! "Bring your checkbook"???? That's BEYOND rude! And why would you advertise the fact that some guests aren't invited for the dinner? Very odd.
I think you should encourage all of the other BMs to sit down with her and gently explain that the way she's acting is hurting the people around her. Telling people they're not invited to dinner is extremely rude and hurtful, especially to the FI of one of her bridesmaids!! How awful! Generally I am pretty forgiving of brides because I know how stressful wedding planning can be and how fed up you can get with people always expecting things from you, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. This girl clearly cares more about her wallet than her friends, and that's just not cool. As her bridesmaids, you all need to set down with her and intervene so that she still has some friends left when this thing is over!
I think this girl needs to have a reality tv show because seriously, I'd love to see this all go down... How does she function in the real world without getting her butt kicked every day?!
I'm not much of an etiquette person, but this is insane. What is her problem? Is she always like this? I don't know if she's in your wedding or not, but someone this rude would not be someone I would even want to invite. Does this bridal salon do celebrity hair or something?- because $200 is ridiculous!
absolutely speechless...
spoilt. little. brat. with. no. concern. for. others.
honey i dont know how you have put up with it.. but SAY something!! !
Wow. I don't even know what to say. She is acting like a total selfish beeyatch! She sounds like a major Bridezilla. You must be amazingly patient to put up with that!
Agreeing to be a bridesmaid does not require you to simply sign your checkbook over to this girl. Her requirement that you have your hair done for $200 is ridiculous, as is her attitude. Just because it's "her day" doesn't give her cart blanche to make you do whatever she wants. She should be respectful and grateful to the ladies she's asked to stand with her that day! Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself because if you don't, it's you who is suffering!
Yikes! I'm in shock at the things you have said.
RUN! RUN! RUN! Cut your losses and run away from this wedding.
Rude doesn't seem to describe what you're explaining fully. She is micro-managing the fun out of the wedding day for everyone it sounds like. Plus she's being tactless and inappropriate. I'm not big on the whole "everything must be done by tradinional standards" or anything, but there are certain customs that are just polite and curtious like inviting your FIANCE to the wedding...duh!! WTH? And if she requires you guys to get professional hair then it should be her paying for it, unless you all talked about it beforehand and took on the role of being a bridesmaid knowing that...which she didn't tell you...so it's not your fault. Wow...so glad I'm not a mirco-manager bridezilla!! You're a good freind to hang in there through all of this!!
She is insane. I agree with everyone else--if you feel it's too late to drop out, then at least refuse the $200 hair. I like Stacyreeves's idea about sitting her down with the other bridesmaids and having a mini-intervention, but if you don't want to involve the others (or if you're worried it might lead to a full-on bridesmaid revolt), at least talk to her by yourself. $200 for hair is completely ridiculous. I'm wondering if she's just hiding the fact that she's making each of you pay for your own hair and you're all splitting the cost of her hair. And for the record, I think you'd be completely within your rights to do any of the following: 1) drop out, 2) lead a bridesmaid revolt, 3) tell her she's being completely ridiculous or 4) sign her up for Bridezillas. I understand if you don't feel comfortable doing any of those, but know that you've got lots of us backing you up (virtually, at least!) :)
And I'd also love to know what else she's done!
Honestly, do you have many mutual friends? If you don't, you should seriously consider telling her that you would feel like a hypocrite by being in the wedding. I'd cut my losses and giver her the dress so she can find someone else.
Who hosted the shower? You mentioned she wrote in the invitations. Did she host it? Why would you invite "b" list people to a shower? I felt guilty even inviting friends to mine b/c I didn't want to make it look like I wanted gifts.
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