Getting tough.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Oh hon, I’m so sorry. And I understand. My mother died 14 years ago and it breaks my heart every time I think about her not being there.

But the truth is, she WILL. And so will your father. Think about all the friends and family who will be at your wedding who will be thinking about him and who will be proud of you for him… and you know in your heart that it doesn’t matter if it’s two years or 40, your dad will always be in your heart and watching over you, no matter what. 

Post # 3
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know it’s hard.  My Dad passed away 7 months ago now and we’re getting married in June too.  You can’t sit there and dwell on all the ifs.  Because there’s a thousand ifs that coulda woulda shoulda happened if you could see the future.  But you can’t.  I’m still sad that I bought my dress just a couple of months before my Dad passed away, but he never got to see me in it.  Now, the logical part of me realizes that he would have nodded, smiled and said “looks great kid, now change so you can watch the game”.  But the silly, emotional side still wishes he could have seen it.  But I can’t change that now.  All any of us can do is move forward.

I know you’re sad that he’s not there, but he IS there with you.  He believed in you, he cheered you on, so he instilled that self confidence that you have.  He guided you, and he taught you what to look for, how to make good decisions.  He loved you, and he showed you what qualities to look for in a relationship.  That stays with you forever, that was his gift to you.  So when you’re sad, remember the good too.

Post # 4
Member
2309 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your dad would probably want you to have the best wedding ever. Fearing an emotional breakdown is natural, but remember, you’ll have the support of your wonderful husband and family. If tears fall, so be it. Your loved ones are going to surround you. I would probably have a picture of dad at the ceremony or tucked into my dress somewhere so you feel reminded that his energy is there. ((Hugs))

Post # 5
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I am so very sorry for your loss and  heartbreak.  Here is some advice from someone who was orphaned as a little girl and is a 4 time MOB:

The little girl understands that even in great joy, not having your parent is a very very hard thing and hurts your heart.  My parents weren’t there for any school programs, graduation, my weddings, or the births of any of my children.  I missed my mother terribly the day my first child (the one born a girl after I prayed every night to have a little girl) was born.  

The MOB in me is a fierce mother who wants the best for my children.  Who wants all of their special occasions to be everything they ever dreamed of.  (DD #4 gets married in 6 weeks).  If I knew I were not going to be here, my heart would be so devastated if she were going to miss the joy in her once in a lifetime day because she was mourning me.

I did a lot of therapy to get to a point where I made a conscious decision.  I honor my parents by the way I live my life, the joys I experience,  and the memories I make.  There is nothing I can do to make them come back, BUT I can choose to go for every occasion with all the gusto I have, enjoy it, cherish it, and love it without feeling guilty.  This would be my one wish for my children if I couldn’t be with them and I am pretty sure my parents would have wished the same for me.

Have you done any kind of grief therapy?  If not, I encourage you start right now.  If you have, maybe get back to it.  I know funeral homes always know when/where grief support groups meet, maybe that would be helpful.

I really encourage you to honor your father by owning that wedding day, tossing a smile on your face and putting some joy in your heart.  Be that bride who pops out of bed and says to the world “you can’t mess with me today cuz I am getting married!”

I also encourage you to keep any memorials to a minimum and very private so you don’t send yourself into tears.  (Says the woman who got married the 2nd time at 36 when her parents had been dead for decade and had some roses there in their memory.  That didn’t go well when I went to give them to my much older brothers.)

Post # 6
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like maybe you should seek grief counselling. Talk to a professional who can help you cope with your loss. Because it seems there’s still a lot of residual pain in you even though your father left 2 years ago.  

Getting married is supposed to be a happy thing. And your father would want you to walk down that aisle bravely with a big smile. Hold on to that. And be strong!

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