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Wow...that is ridiculous! Can your aunt not leave your cousins home alone without fear that they will burn the house down? Do they not have friends who they can spend the day with? If they were 4 and 5 this might be a valid argument. I am sorry that she responded that way...what did you mom say?
my mom seems to think she didnt mean it so harshly but i can't help but feel hurt. Those kids literally do nothing but play video games all day. I'm sure if she left hot pockets in the freezer they would live for the afternoon. I assume they know how to use a microwave.... haha.
Honestly I don't think people realize how sensitive brides are about their wedding details and how saying silly things like that can really affect someone. I mean really, they are teenagers, she is just being cranky...
Ugh, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. They're clearly old enough to fend for themselves!
I take things personally too. I guess because a lot of brides put so much time and effort into planning, but people don't necessarily realize that. We've thought out ideas, and they're definitely personal preferences.
I can't tell you the number of things I've just had to bite my tongue on because they weren't "right" to family members. I just keep telling myself I'm not going to change their mind, and what they think doesn't really matter.
If it makes you feel any better, I got screaming phone calls and condescending lectures when we decided to go childfree for our wedding. FH's grandmother said that she refused to attend if all the grandkids (and there are 47 under 12) weren't invited. When I got upset about it, she told me to go take a nap. His aunt called and yelled at me, and basically told me that none of our reasons for not inviting the kids were valid. His FATHER told us that we should just serve cake and punch at our reception, because then we'd get more presents ('cause we could invite more people/more people would come because their kids would be invited). FIL's also told me that my flowers were tacky (because they're fake... but let's face it, Oriental Lilies aren't exactly flowers you can preserve, and I'm a sentimentalist). I also got told that our 1-tier cake and sheet cakes were tacky, and that they would rather give us money so that we "could" invite the kids we DIDN'T WANT THERE, rather than give us any sort of honeymoon, which would cost them next-to-nothing (they have a platinum level timeshare program... even plane tickets are included in their points). :(
On the other hand, my parents have been fantastic. I don't know what I would do without my mommy throughout this dramatic wedding planning lol.
Sorry that you're already hearing that, and you're not alone, I'm in the same boat. I actually alrady heard it from my own mom how so many people won't come to our wedding because we are excluding kids, but whatever. I've come to the realization that if it means that much to them to decide not to go because of their kids, then they didn't care to be there to begin with.
Oh isn't this a wonderful issue!? We decided to go childfree at our wedding, except the two flowergirls and two ring bearers (the 2 RB are his nephews and one FG is my Godchild and the other is my cousin's girl). His mom refuses to allow us to do this. We have to invite her sister's grandchildren who are brats, and have not been disciplined a day in their lives! They are unruly! I made the comment that if we do this we have to invite the children on my side, because that would be completely unfair and hurt my family's feelings. So now we're inviting a crapload of kids, before kids our guestlist was already 400 people after cutting people twice! Now we have the kids to include, and we're paying for the wedding ourselves! Then his family had the audacity to say to me that couldn't believe I wouldn't want kids at the wedding because I'm a peds nurse and does this mean I don't want kids later in life....really!?!? It's just ridiculous.
Wow, that is so petty. I work with youth as my job, and every 14 and 15 year old I have ever worked with would be more than happy to go to a firend's house for the day/ night and would even be OK to stay at home by themselves. It's so frustrating when people are over dramatic and try and make things about themselves.
Oh, I heard it too, and I had a legitimate safety reason.
The place where we're getting married is right up against a lake with a slippery dock and no fence. I had visions of children wandering off and falling into the water, and so I just decided that it was too dangerous.
Interestingly, I heard nothing from the people WITH children, it was people with grown children (or no children!) that had the biggest issue!
My sister had a similar situation too... Our cousin (who is 12 years older) was pissed when my sis got married and didn't invite her three girls (who were then around 10-15). The cousin decided to make a comment at her bridal shower about it, making my sister basically run away and cry.
I honestly agree with everyone about not inviting kids... Personally, we already have 9 aunts and uncles, all of our cousins and now we're expected to invited their kids too??? (whom we've only seen once YEARS ago) These people have to chill out! I agree... people just like to make it about THEM.
Now I'm getting married and I'm doing the same thing as my sister. I'm paying for my wedding on my own and can't afford to pay for all these kids...
We just have to hold our heads up high ladies and put our foot down about what we've decided (and at the same time be bigger person and let the comments roll off our backs)
I've learned that no matter what people will be peeved about something, whether it be no kids, or morning/afternoon/evening wedding, or a fri or sunday wedding, outside, whatever!! Someone more then likely will have something to say about it, even if it was the perfect location, perfect date, and perfect time :)
You're definitely not alone. Some people just don't get that their reactions hurt people. In this situation, I think she was only trying to say that so maybe your Mother would change her mind. Its inconsiderate but I wouldn't be hurt unless she actually doesn't show! My aunt made it awkward by telling us she'll be bringing her child, while knowing children aren't invited. She's always been one of those people that feels entitled, exempt from the rules. I was pissed, especially because he's kinda not a 'well balanced' kid. But I wasn't pissed enough to make it a big deal (and if I had my passive Mother would of ended up mad at me). Her compromise was to book a hotel room and make sure he's heavily medicated... awesome :/
Well, we wanted to have the youngest kids be the flower girl/ring bearers (long story), but not actually walk down the aisle as they will most likely be screaming their heads off. FMIL (who I actually love and get along with very well) was not okay with this and pretty much insisted on her granddaughter walking. Seriously, this girl is such a spoiled brat she screams whenever I walk into the room or if her Mom leaves her for a second.
anyone having issues dealing with anything other than a childless wedding?
I think there is something about weddings that brings out the worst in people as sad as that is. Weddings are so wrought with emotion, particularly in the families of the bride and the groom, which can be problematic for everyone.
You would think that on your wedding day or from the moment that you are engaged, that everyone will be happy for you since it will be a joyous occasion, but this just simply isn't the case. I think this happens the most with people who are narcissistic in nature, where when you announce your wedding plans, if it doesn't correlate to what they wanted (regardless of the fact that the wedding isn't for them), they make their nasty and negative opinion known.
When you hear this kind of thing, try to ignore it as hard as it is. People are selfish. Comments like that are uncalled for and have no purpose to them. Either ignore it or take the high road that you will miss them if they aren't able to come, but understand if their children are too young (at 15, I laugh at this) to be alone for 5 hours.
i am also not having children at our wedding. There will be a ring bearer who is our nephew, but that is it. My mom's side of the family has thrown plenty of hissy fits about it. I was hurt in the beginning, but I just can't stress about it anymore. I think what everyone is saying is so true.
@Mrs. Louboutin - Isn't is so sad that it brings out the worst in people? Everyone says exactly what they are thinking the second you tell them anything about the wedding. And usually it is a thoughtless comment that has to do with them and NOTHING to do with you!
So don't stress, we are ALL going through it. I have had a lot of problems with family members feeling entitled and saying things about every decision. You can only please yourself and your fiance. Forget everyone else! I know that is a lot easier said than done!
I will never understand what it is about weddings that gives people permission to be judgmental. If you were going to a party at a friend's house and they were serving vegetarian food and not allowing children, I cannot envision anyone going up to them and saying "How DARE you not serve meat?!" or "What in the world am I supposed to do with my kids during your party?!" Nor would you contact them to ask why so-and-so wasn't invited or complain that they weren't serving alcohol.
I realize that weddings aren't your typical gatherings, but why must so many people's social graces go out the window?! To anyone out there getting flak for their choices - I'm sorry your going through it, and I hope everyone in your life comes around to eventually respect your decisions.
I got into the biggest thing on flowers! Seriously flowers? They are going to die in like 5 days. I wanted my bouquet to be different flowers from my bridesmaid. I am paying for everything, and so of course only thinking of best bang for buck. I was totally going to go bulk flowers/ grocery store flowers. But that wasn't good enough, and don't you know they have to be the SAME flowers, same bouquet just smaller. At the end of arguing about it for several hours. I just gave in and bought 2 bouquets the exact same, and somehow we will take some out of hers and put into mine, and change ribbon. In the end I couldn't deal with it, and they are just flowers. Silly to argue about it, so even though I am paying, we are doing it her way. Wedding are rid-ic-ul-ous!
Ah weddings. What is it about them that brings out the best of the crazy? I totally feel for you. I've had my fair share of doozies of family related wedding drama. I can't give you any advice but I just hope that you don't give in! It's your wedding, and you and your FH have made a decision to child-free wedding that should be good enough for everyone. Don't let anyone bully you into changing your mind! Hugs.
I just don't get this whole issue. I mean being invited to a wedding is a privelge not something obligated. I just can't fathom how ppl could demand things to other person's wedding. It's insane to say the least. Tacky, rude and annoying following right afterwards.
To every Bee out there with this problem ...IGNORE them ! Let them complain among themselves, delete nasty emails, delete nasty VM's and if they don't come OH WELL....their loss.
Here is what I want to say to the world regarding weddings: (steps up on soap box)
1) We are adults. You are adults. If you don't like or approve of our choices, that is fine. Make your decisions accordingly. Do not tell us of your disapproval because it will only make us feel bad and will cast a shadow on our relationship.
2) If you are invited to a wedding, and the logistics are complicated, just figure it out for yourself. Wedding requires travel on your part? Decide if you can afford the time & expense, and RSVP accordingly. Wedding is "no kids"? Decide if you want to have a babysitter stay with your kids or not, and RSVP accordingly.
Just behave like adults! Geez! (steps off of soap box)
I am so sorry. I'd be really hurt if my own mother said that. How awful for you.
Amen redherring... amen....
Wow I'm so glad I'm not the only one with insensitive people in my life. We've had several issues with our families making unnecessary comments. FH and I are funding the wedding completely on our own and are doing the best we can to have the nicest wedding possible with the money we have. We've chosen to have a private ceremony with parents, siblings, and grandparents only and that upset my side of the family. I have a very small family so not inviting aunts and uncles only leaves out about 4 people but if we invite mine we have to invite the 20 or so on FH's side. We're having a reception with the entire family and some friends outside at a park/beach under a beautiful pavillion. We've heard everything from "well don't you know its going to be hot" to "your wedding is going to be more like a picnic than a wedding". FMIL called several family members and told them we weren't going to even have table cloths and could they please help talk some sense into us about the choices we're making. FILs also told us "well your wedding is so untraditional I don't understand why you think its special enough to need a photographer" Ugh! Some people really need a filter between their brains and their mouths. Thanks for this thread and letting me vent :)
I guess most of us are all in the same boat! Me and my fiance are 100% funding our wedding. We decided that it would be most economical for US to get married on a cruise (hello, joint wedding/honeymoon). When I told my grandmother the decision she said "im tired of going on cruises". How dare she try to ruin my moment? I won't allow her nor anyone else!
Oh girrrrllllsss... you don't know how relieved I feel like I am not the only one getting this ridiculous behavior from families. I have shocked so many with my relative wedding-crazy stories.
This reminds me about the little argument I had with my aunt at at quinceanera (15 year old birthday/latin tradition). I don't remember exactly how the argument was started but the point is we were arguing about guests inviting other guests and how I was gong to make people RSVP and seat guests at their assigned table and so forth. She was upset that she couldn't invite people by word of mouth and that some guests will be upset that they can't invite anybody and some of them may not come. Whatever *rolls eyes* any how I know how you feel.
We haven't heard anything about our's being kid-free, but literally 5 minutes after my grandma's funeral my sister commented that FI and I don't have a real relationship because we hadn't set the date yet! I didn't say anything then, but later after everything set in I just started bawling all over FI. I mean I understand that she's mad that a bunch of people in the family are getting married and her relationship is falling apart, but did she really have to say that?
Then, as if to top it off last Friday my mom tells me that older sister (same one) is jealous because I didn't ask her to be in my WP. I was like WTF?! Seriously? I had asked my little sis because I knew that she really really wanted to dress up and whatever, but I didn't think the older one would want to at all with her marriage problems. So, in being a polite person I just told mom, fine whatever. If she wants to do it then that's fine. By the time I got home though, I was like Fudge, I don't want her to be in it with how she's acting especially since she'd probably be insulted at being a BM and want to be a Matron of Honor, which I don't feel she deserves since she might be divorced by then and I already have a Maid Man of Honor. I sent her a message on facebook asking if she wanted to be a reader and she hasn't even bothered to respond which is really ticking me off because she's not talking to anyone in the family, not even when my dad texted her the wedding date. So GRRRRRRRR!!!!
I HATE FAMILY POLITICS!!!!!
[Edit] And I'm just waiting for people to e-mail me or call me to complain about the venue. We decided to marry at FIL's church (which is LDS) because it's free. I just know that the "superior" christians in my family will complain about it and I honestly can't wait to tell them that I could care less if they show up.
I am shocked at how rude people can be! Thankfully our families have not had a problem with the no children rule for our wedding (at least not one that has been brought to our attention). So far, I've had one cousin (with 5 kids) tell me she couldn't wait for the wedding bc it means a night away for her and the hubby, and my grandmother is enjoying the idea of it bc she is scared she might trip on a child while walking/trying to dance hahaha. The only person who has said anything negative about the no kids rule has been my fiances cousin, but I didn't take it to heart bc she just had a baby (Feb 5th) so her daughter will be less then 3 months old at the time of the wedding... I can't blame her for saying she prob won't be coming!
I wonder why people feel the need to be so negative about not being able to bring their children? I'm sure if they were asked to pay for their childrens places at the reception, then they wouldn't have a problem with leaving them home!! I mean, if you can leave your kids with a babysitting while you go on a date with your hubby, then you can leave them with a babysitter while you go to a wedding, even if it means you need to leave the reception an hour or 2 before it ends. And at 14 & 15 years old, give me a break, they can handle their parents being gone for a few hours. They would probably enjoy it!
What has bothered me most so far (but we've only been engaged for a month!) is friends' reactions to our engagement. You can't say "congratulations I'm happy for you?" before you start 'sarcastically' 'joking' about how "it's about time"? Yeah, that wasn't funny the first time, it's still not funny when you're the fifteenth person to say it. And don't get me started on "are you pregnant". Hilarious. Sometimes things like congrats are a cliche because they're the right thing to say. Wow, I didn't realize that bothered me so much. Luckily our families were thrilled and couldn't be nicer.
And for a twist on the child-free wedding, my mother was the one who asked if we had to invite the children or if we could leave them off so we didn't have to pay. Um, they're on the guest list because I put them there. And there are like two toddlers and three babies, none of whom need counting in the caterer's budget. I wouldn't be surprised if the toddlers get left at home, anyway, for their parents to have a nice afternoon out. Why do people not understand that the couple has made a conscious choice, and respect it? Is it really so complicated?
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When my mother told her sister about my wedding being kid free her first response was "well i dont know what we're going to do with the kids for the day then!"
.....her kids are 14 and 15 years old & the wedding is planned for a saturday afternoon, they'd be home by 7pm. A whopping 7 months away *and only an hour from their house* and she was telling my mom she HOPED she could make it. I feel so hurt =[
I can't be along in having similar stories- so lets all commiserate!