Ghosting: has it happened to you or have you done it?

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
  • poll: Choose all that apply:
    I have been ghosted once. : (33 votes)
    17 %
    I have been ghosted more than once. : (33 votes)
    17 %
    I have never been ghosted. : (25 votes)
    13 %
    I have ghosted once. : (30 votes)
    16 %
    I have ghosted more than once. : (47 votes)
    24 %
    I have never ghosted anyone. : (24 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2846 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I ghosted a guy I dated for about a month. I was 18, so we’ll go with the immaturity excuse.

    Never been ghosted.

    Post # 3
    Member
    740 posts
    Busy bee

    I haven’t ghosted people I’ve dated, I was always very good at being straight up, “Yeah, no, not working! Enjoy life!”

    But I have ghosted toxic people that I either couldn’t get through to, and/or couldn’t trust to not go completely off the handle. Life is too short to be manipulated in such a way, so I bounce. 

    Now, I have changed my phone number and just stopped talking to people, but not because it was malicious or anything like that. I moved, we didn’t stay in touch, year or two later I changed my number and meh life went on. 

    I can’t say if I’ve been ghosted, probably because I don’t get super attached to people. I haven’t been ghosted by anyone I really, truly care about and am close to, so I can say that. Mostly I think it’s just growing apart and moving on in a busy life. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee

    I was ghosted by a guy I talked to for about 2 months. I was 20 at the time.

    I was devasted at the time and all kinds of crazy thoughts were going through my head. Several months later I met my first long term boyfriend, but I still couldn’t shake the thought of “maybe that other guy will come back”. Around that time my friend ghosted someone he was talking to and offered me a whole new perspective on ghosting that gave a sort of peace of mind.

    Obviously this doesn’t describe everyone, but what he told me was that he did not want to hurt the person further by saying she was not wanted. He did not want to see that. Especially since he knew she was more into him than he was of her. He knew she would not accept being told he wasn’t interested and would continue being persistant, try changing herself for him and/or stalk him. I’m not a fan of his assumptions, but the thought that the ghoster actually feels some kind of emotion was comforting for me.

    I’ve been on the other end with my ex of 3 years who for two hours told me all the reasons why we were not right for each other and that he no longer loves me. Hearing someone you love flat out tell you “I don’t love you anymore” still haunts me to this day (3 years later). I’ve always wondered how he could be so cold to sit there and watch the person he once loved fall apart.

    I’m by no means advocating ghosting. I believe it’s more common to ghost in the early dating stage and depending on the level of attachment, someone may feel it is necessary. Once you’re in a serious relationship, ghosting would be ridiculous. However, I’d say one should be careful how much detail they share with the other. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2963 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think it’s cruel. If you’re old enough to date, you should be old enough to say it isn’t working out and walk away without leaving people with no sense of closure. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2137 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    It’s just harsh and rude. Is it that hard to just send a goodbye text? 

    Post # 7
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I did once sort of… it was to a guy I was talking to online. I got tired of talking to him and I met my FI and was way more into him. Not exactly cool, but we all make mistakes.

    Post # 8
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

    Ive done it and had it done to me a bunch. But all around 2 weeks or a month into dating/knowing each other. 4 months is… a different story. 

    Doesn’t have to be much… doesn’t even have to be particularly kind. But beyond about 6 weeks in you have to at least say “I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.” 

    Post # 9
    Member
    440 posts
    Helper bee

    When I was 18 a guy I had been dating for 5 months and I mutually ghosted each other. Like we just stopped talking at the exact same time and neither of us cared enough to start things up again. We didn’t even have a fight, I think we were both just not that into each other. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve done it once & had it done to me once. Both were people I met on match.com. We had never defined our relationship but had been dating for about 2 months, seeing each other 2 times a week or so. It was just easier for me at the time although I felt kinda bad, but to be fair he was still on match which I found kinda disrespectful. I had it done to me after seeing a guy for about 2 weeks. We had plans one night and he text me that he was really sorry but he had to cancel but he’d explain everything to me the next day. He never text me back. I was kinda sad about it for an hour or so, then moved on to other guys. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2017 - NOLA

    I think ghosting is horrible and have had it done to me a few times. Unfortunately, I had to ghost on an ex once because he wouldn’t leave me alone. I felt terrible about it, but it was what needed to be done at the time. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2077 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

    Met boy in summer camp (1996??), kissed some. We were pen pals for like 5 months and talked on the phone on Saturdays. He lived in a different state. I quit writing and stopped returning his calls… I was maybe 13…

    Post # 13
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I was ghosted on my birthday by a guy that I had been seeing for around two months. He invited me on a bday dinner date and I was pretty excited because I thought that he was a really nice guy. On the day of the date he just stood me up and didn’t respond to my calls, ever. I wasn’t heartbroken, but angry that he wasted a day that I could have celebrated with my loved ones.

    I did the same after a really bad third date. I came back from the restroom and he was going through my purse looking for gum apparently. He later wiped his wet hands on my dress as a joke. After the date, he left messages asking for another chance but he was exhausting and I just wasn’t interested.

    Post # 14
    Member
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I have kinda done it? But we had already broken up so I am not sure if that counts but he would occassionally try to text/ call which I thought was inappropriate esp since he had a gf.

    So I stopped answering. Especially when I first started dating my FH. Silence is the only thing he could understand lol. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    5979 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Luckily for me I stopped dating before ghosting became such a big thing.

    That said, once I went on a first date with a guy and I was pretty in to him.  We kept chatting over messenger for a couple days post-date, making plans for a second date.  He then suddenly stopped responding to me so after a few weeks I assumed he was ghosting me (this was before it had a name, but you know.. I got the hint).  

    Out of the blue, 5 weeks after going 100% silent, he messages me apologizing that work got crazy or some BS like that, I re-added him as a contact on messenger and I assume he was notified of that because suddenly he messages me some rant about what a bitch I was for deleting him on msn and then he blocks me.  *shrug*  

    Anyway, despite the fact I assume that random outburst 5 weeks later means I wasn’t actually ghosted, I still feel like I have a decent idea of what it feels like to be ghosted by someone you’ve only just started dating. (Vs. someone you’ve been with longer.)  It certainly comes across as super rude and immature.  It’s really not that hard to text someone “you know what.. I’m not really interested”

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